16 Lessons I learnt After Losing My Virginity at 16 By Anna Kemarch

15 09 2013
16-lesson-i-leant-after

“I am sixteen and have already lost my virginity. I truly regret that my first time was with a guy that I didn’t care that much about. Since that first night he expects sex on every date. When I don’t feel like it, we end up in an argument. I don’t think this guy is in love with me, and I know deep down that I am not in love with him either. This makes me feel cheap. I realize now that this is a very big step in a girl’s life. After you have done it, things are never the same. It changes everything.” Since then I have been involved with other guys and I have learnt a few of lessons. Here are a some:

1. Many teenage girls sleep with guys because they are trying to find love, to find self-worth. But the catch is that the more guys they sleep with, the less self-worth they had.

2. Many girls think that if they really care about guys, sex will bring them closer together. Indeed, sex creates a bond. However, 80 percent of the time, the physical intimacy of first sexual relationship won’t last more than six months.

3. Couples who want what is best for their relationship or future marriage will have the patience to wait.

4. Most of the time, when a girl gives away her virginity, she assumes the relationship will last forever.But study of more than 10,000 women shows that when a girl loses her virginity at that age at 14, she’ll probably have about thirteen more lifetime sexual partners.

5. Teen sex frequently causes tension within families because of the dishonesty that usually accompanies the hidden intimacies. Relationships with friends are often strained, and when things turn sour, the gossip and social problems often become unbearable.

6. Everyone talks about how hard it is to say no to sex, but no one tells you how hard it is when you say yes.

7. It is dangerous for a teenage girl to be sexually active. Because a teenage girl’s reproductive system is still immature, she is very susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases

8. In fact, early sexual activity is the number one risk factor for cervical cancer, and the second is multiple sexual partners. A girl’s body, like her heart, is not designed to handle multiple sexual partners.

9.While a girl might plan on sleeping with only one guy, she could be exposing herself to the STDs of hundreds of people through a single act of intercourse. Here’s how: Scientists studied the sexual activity of a public high school of about one thousand students. About half (573) of the students had been sexually active, and most of them had only been with one partner. However, when the scientists tracked the web of sexual activity among the students, it was discovered that more than half of the sexually active teens—without knowing it—were linked together in a network of 288 partners within the school! So if a girl slept with a guy from this school, theoretically she could be in bed with one-fourth of the entire student body.

10.The emotional side effects of premarital sex are also damaging to a young woman. One of the most common consequences of teenage sexual activity is depression. Girls who are sexually active are more than three times as likely to be depressed as girls who are abstinent. In fact, the condition has become so predictable that the American Journal of Preventive Medicine recommends to doctors: “[Girls who are engaging in] sexual intercourse should be screened for depression, and provided with anticipatory guidance about the mental health risks of these behaviors.”Even if a girl experiments with sex once, research shows an increased risk of depression. Also, consider the fact that the rate of suicide attempts for sexually active girls (aged twelve to sixteen) is six times higher than the rate for virgins. Tragically, these girls do not realize the purity, hope, and forgiveness that they can find in Christ.

11. Unfortunately, many young women search for meaning only in relationships with guys, instead of with God. It is not uncommon for a girl to have sex in order to make a guy like her more or to encourage him to stay with her. She may compromise her standards because she is afraid of never being loved. Once he leaves her, though, an emotional divorce takes place. A person’s heart is not made to be that close to a person and then separated.

12. Since teenage sexual relationships rarely last, the girl’s sense of self-worth is often damaged. She may conclude that if she looked better, he would have stayed longer. This mentality can lead to harmful practices, such as eating disorders. Or the disappointment she feels may drive her into a state of self-hatred. Some young women even begin to hurt their own bodies in an attempt to numb the emotional pain. Such practices never solve the problems, though. If she wants to be loved, she needs to begin by loving herself.

13. In her heart, a girl who has been used knows it. However, she may immediately jump into another sexual relationship to escape the hurt. If she tries to boost her self-esteem by giving guys what they want, then her self-worth often ends up depending upon those kinds of relationships. Her development as a woman is stunted because without chastity she does not know how to express affection, appreciation, or attraction for a guy without implying something sexual. She may even conclude that a guy does not love her unless he makes sexual advances toward her. She knows that sex exists without intimacy, but she may forget that intimacy can exist without sex. A girl on this track usually feels accepted initially, but that acceptance lasts only as long as the physical pleasure.

14. Such a lifestyle will also take its toll on her ability to bond. Here’s why: Sharing the gift of sex is like putting a piece of tape on another person’s arm. The first bond is strong, and it hurts to remove it. Shift the tape to another person’s arm, and the bond will still work, but it will be easier to remove. Each time this is done, part of each person remains with the tape. Soon it is easy to remove because the residue from the various arms interferes with the tape’s ability to stick.

15. The same is true in relationships, because neurologists have discovered that previous sexual experiences can interfere with one’s ability to bond with future partners. This does not mean that if a person is not a virgin on the wedding night, he or she will be unable to bond with a spouse. It simply means that when we follow God’s plan, we have the most abundant life possible. But when we turn from his designs and break his commandments, often we are the ones who feel broken afterward.

16 Spiritual. Sin cuts us off from God, and this is the most serious consequence of premarital sex. After going too far, many of us know all too well the cloud of guilt that weighs on our hearts. The solution is not to kill our conscience but to follow it to freedom. It is calling us, not condemning us. Provided we repent, God will be there to welcome us home and let us start over (see John 8 and Luke 15).

What this all means is that our bodies, our hearts, our relationships, and our souls are not made for premarital sex. We are made for enduring love

Article adapted from Chastity.com

The video below share signs to detect guys who are only after sex (f*ck boys) so you can dump them


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357 responses

1 02 2016
Editor

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1 02 2016
Perpeeh Michelle

I am incredibly grateful for your answer.
Thank you.
Last question pls; do u think its wise to start dating at my age#20yrs
I ve heard pple say its not wise to date if you know you are not ready for marriage.
But as one grows u just realise that you just want to have a close friend u can talk to and stuff like dat…I ve always wanted a bf not for sexual purpose tho but for companionship, someone dat will make u grow positively in all aspects, a godly fun person but such pple just seem rare to find and at d end of d day things dont always end right.
Right now I m considering dating again so I just wanted to know your take on it.isit wise to at wen u are not ready for marriage?
Do u think i should date now or just wait till I m ready for marriage?
Thanks for ur previous answer.
Awaiting ur reply

1 02 2016
Editor

Dear Michelle, your question is a wise one which you can answer by asking yourself three questions. First, ask yourself, “When are you going to be ready for marriage? Is it one year from now, two or three?” Second, “What will you achieve by dating a guy now?”

Understand this, Michelle; it is alright to have friends, plenty of friends, of both sexes. But dating a guy is different; it implies intimacy, an exclusive relationship with him alone. Dating for fun, just to hang out, and belong is not only bad, it is dangerous and leads to many mistakes, sometime irreparable ones. The idea of “going steady with a guy” has led many girls in to deep trouble. The problem with going steady is that harms you ability to make many friends. Young girls like you need to have many friends, guys and girls, who might help you later on in life. Because you are dating, you will be enslaved to only one guy, at the risk of jealousy. Again, dating has been proven to distract girls from their studies in school. Many girls to fail their exams, distracted with fights and quarrels in relationship. Worse, some girl even foolishly behaves like a wife: she cooks, washes and clean for him and call him, “my fiancée” and ultimately delivered her prize to him, her virginity! Beware! All are lies! Your boyfriend is not your husband, he has made no legal commitment to you, to protect you, to shield you and love you till the end! He is free to dump you anytime and no court, human or divine, can hold him to account. The “boyfriend syndrome” is a great deception has led many pretty girls to their peril.
My advice to you, dear Michelle is to forget about dating till you are ready for marriage. Now is not the time for dating, but the time to study so that you can make good grades, get a good job, be rich. If you do this, when you are ready for marriage, in no time, you will have a long line of young handsome guys cueing up at the gate of your father’s compound, begging for your hand in marriage. Then you can pick and choose one, the best among them, to by you soul mate, father to your children and you dearly devoted spouse for life.
If you have something more private you wish to discuss, you can send a me a private email: wmti.edu@gmail.com

31 01 2016
Perpeeh Michelle

Wow
Ur message really touched my heart esp tge one in Ms Ibomas account about her keeping her virginity till marriage.
I may not know her but I m so proud of her n I consider her blessed to have met a man as understanding as her husband bcos most men nowadays accept d no sex in a realationship thing but goes ahead to cheat on u without u knowing.
I m a virgin,20yrs nd I must say it really hard for me cos I ve lost some relationships with nice guys who sed dey cant be in a no sex relationship.
Anyways I just wanted to ask a quick question, if i find a man who accepts my no sex terms do u think I should completely stay off kissing n cuddling at least cos a couple of guys I know may accept d no sex thing but will want a little activity sometime, not sex tho.. (like in d case of d Ms Iboma story so she never had any sexual thing whatsoever *not sex*with her husband till marriage..really curious nd really wanted to converse wit her)
Its soooooooo hard to find a guy dat will accept no sex no kissing nd so on
We r humans u know
What do u think nd pls I need a reply asap really confused. Plssss Tnks

31 01 2016
Editor

Dear Perpeech Michelle, you are a very nice girl and your questions are very important. First, you are asking “How far can you go without having sex” How much fondling, kissing and other things can you allow a guy to keep him happy just as long as you don’t have sex. In other words, is it ok to allow a guy squeeze your breasts and puts his tongue into your mouth etc. The simple answer is NO, Michelle. “It is not right to arouse what is not licit to satisfy.” Biologically, guys are sexually aroused faster than girls, and a little touching might mean nothing to a girl but can send a guy shooting up, and charged. Why would you want to tempt a monkey with banana if you are not going to allow him to eat it? Most girls make that mistake. They dress indecently, exposing cleavages and flesh, and are surprised if he is demanding sex. You make it harder for your boyfriend to wait till marriage by encouraging fondling and kissing. These actions naturally lead to sex, and you should avoid them if you wish to keep your virginity till your wedding night
Secondly, If a guy doesn’t have patience and self control, he is not a real MAN, he will not be successful in life, business or sports, he will make you miserable. He will not make a good husband for you. So, rather than sad, you should be happy that you have a process of selections that will ensure that whoever you marry will be a real MAN, capable of making money to take care of you. He will be a failure in life. Dump and find another.
Lastly, Michelle, though most guys would want to have sex with girls who dress casually exposing body parts and who allow them to fondle and finger them, they are more excited by girls with twinkling eyes with slender ankle peeking out from the long skirts and want to marry them.

31 01 2016
Editor

Michelle, here are a few practical guides getting a soulmate without losing your soul:
You should visit and meet each other or spend time together in places where it will be impossible for you to commit the act. Visits to each other’s homes, or even friend’s homes where you can be “left alone” can pose a serious threat. Always go with a friend if you are going to visit him alone.

One thing to also beware of is touches; yes touches. When you start touching each other, you increase the chances of arousing your sexuality.
And when you continue touching each other so, your defences get weaker and weaker to the point where you will no longer be able to resist the urge to go on and do “it”, this is because the mind is very powerful and thoughts of what could happen with you two will keep playing in your mind.

Dress modestly, don’t arouse his sexual desires by wearing tights showing too much flesh, tank-top and so on
Guard the kind of conversations you have. Don’t talk about sex. Sex talk is a prelude to exploding sexual desires.
Do not watch pornography or sexually explicit movies, alone or with him. Walk away. Keep your eyes and heart clean, so that you can help him keep his clean. Your neglect of these matters will affect him. Lastly, prayer. Marriage is difficult, and only couples who pray together will succeed in marriage. Teach your boyfriend to pray and pray together. When a relationship is made of three: You, him and God, nothing can go wrong.

30 01 2016
Anonymous

That’s gud news…

30 01 2016
Success Foxx

the most important thing on a girl is her viginity been a vigin makes u worth important i .feel proud becus I’m 17and I’m still a vigin and I’m willing to keep myself untill marriage ‘::::::::

30 01 2016
Editor

Hi, Success, you are a wise girl. Keep the flag flying

28 01 2016
shanice

I lost my virginity when I was 16 with the guy I waz dating,I loved him so much,so i thought that having sex with him will make our r/ship strong but after that night things started to change,I Brock up with him after a month, now when ever I see him I feel ashamed of my self and to make thing worse we are in a same congregation,so what should I do coz I can stand this.

28 01 2016
Editor

Dear Shanice, thanks for sharing your story with us. Having sex would make your relationship stronger if you were husband and wife. Sex bonds two people so much that nine months later they might actually become one— a child . Sex is the ultimate expression of “oneness “till death do us part. Sex is the physical fulfillment of the eternal vows the made in public to be together till they die. When people who are not married have sex They tell lies, because they are saying with their bodies what is not true in reality. They are deceiving themselves. Again, Shanice, sex outside of marriage brings shame, because you have physically acted out what is not true. You have shown your nakedness, your privacy, your intimacy, your deepest recess to someone who is not bond by oath to protect, love and cherish that intimacy, that deepest recess of your nectar. You have exposed yourself to possible misuse, abuse and derision. Secondly, Sex outside marriage is the opposite of joy, because it is a lie. Two people lying to each other often can not look each other in the eye. Having sex with someone means you are letting him in what is dearest to you, at the risk that he might expose you to laughter. Last, any conquered fortress presents no more attraction to a rampaging warrior, because it is won. He has marked you with his semen, you don’t count anymore. There are other untouchable girls to go after. So, what must you do? Let the shame you feel now purify and cleanse you from ever having sex with anyone again unless he is your lawfully wedded husband. Second, pray for forgiveness, because God is offended by sexual sins. The Holy book says that “Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. When you fornicate, your body becomes a Prostitute. And GOd cannot dwell in such a place. So pray, ask for forgiveness from God. Ask God to cleanse you and begin again to love God and do the things He asks so that he can welcome you back. Lastly, Like Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, “Go and sin no more”

27 01 2016
Getrude banda

When if u had sex before and you want to have second varginity,how many years does it takes

27 01 2016
Editor

Dear Getrude, your question is very good, it is frequently asked by many girls. Once you have had sex, you are no longer a virgin. Yet, it is possible to receive forgiveness if it is sinful sex ( all sex outside of marriage also called fornication) or sex between two married people who are not married to each other ( adultery). You can ask God’s forgiveness. Catholics girls go to “confession” to a priest who absolves them from their sins. Once that is done, they are as good as new, but should be careful not to have sex again till their wedding night. This does not mean that once you have had sex, ” all is lost’ you should throw up her hands and continue having sex since “all is lost” No the more you have pre-marital sex, the more you sin, falling into bigger and bigger trouble. You could catch HIV , genital herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea and other sexual transimitted diseases which can kill you. ( I have seen a girl who died of HIV virus, she suffered a lot before she died, she was like a skeleton, wasted! and still has no cure. Your could also become pregnant and your child will be a bastard, without father, and many other worse things

27 01 2016
Rugiatu Bundu

may GOD have mercy on us and give us self control in Jesus name, Amen

27 01 2016
Editor

Thank you, Rugiatu, May God hear your prayers, help many girls in serious danger of losing their virginity outside marriage a recipe for much suffering and failure in life.

27 01 2016
Amooti

am just from a relation where my boyfriend did whatever he could to put me down on his bed even though i never gave him the chance to have sex with him…..he decided to end the relationship saying that he got a lose after investing in a business meaning that i was that business,he added that he wanted a girl who was exprienced and told me that he was young to continue that relationship.seriouly i was hurt very much coz i had started trusting him after one year of dating but he failed to just being patient

27 01 2016
Editor

Dear Amooti, count yourself lucky and blessed. God loves you and has liberated you from a man who is a fraudster, a con-man who is unworthy of you in every way. He is not fit to be your husband. Through your sticking to good habits of not having sex, virtues which your parents probably taught you, you have out witted this tortoise, who was out to trick you and use you for his pleasures. Yes, keeping yourself pure and away from premarital sex is a criterion I recommend to every girl for selecting a good man to marry and weeding out the tricksters, jerks, the wimps and pretenders who are only out to satisfy their sexual appetite. Please dump that sinking boat and move on for your knight is on the way and he will keep you safe, protect you and love you forever. Diamonds are hard to find, because they are forever. Keep working, praying and doing what you are doing and True love will find you.

26 01 2016
grace

I am a girl who lost my virginity at 17 but a friend..since then I have been have sex with other guys about 6 guys I fall in love with a guy and started having sex two weeks after the relationship we only dated for about two months and we are nolong together how really need helo please

26 01 2016
Editor

Hi, Grace. Thanks for sharing your story with us. The problem with having sex with a guy early in a relationship is that he believes that others boys are also having sex with you. If he can have sex with you so easily, his guess is that plenty other boys can too. It is like wrestler, once a wrestler flings his opponent back on the ground, he moves on to other challenges. Once a guy has had sex with you, he won’t call you back because he’ll think you are easy and will have lost interest. Again, waiting until marriage to have sex is a way of loving yourself, and respecting yourself. In making this choice you have essentially promised your body and your heart that you will not abuse them, you will not give them away to just anybody, and that you have enough esteem for them to hold them tight and keep them safe for your future husband. You also protect your future husband. Who would like to marry a girl who everyone in the football team has had sex with? Think about the talk, the gossips, and disrespect, the humiliations your husband will have to undergo because plenty people had sex with you. No man wants that. Then lets talk about the diseases. When you have sex with someone you exchange, body fluids, semen, saliva, and a whole lot of other fluid. It is clear that unless you know that person very well, and he is sacramentally one with you, having sex with everybody is such a dirty habit. You can catch all sorts of germ, flu, genital Herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. Sex is made for husband and wife in marriage forever. Through sex they become ONE flesh.

25 01 2016
Rugiatu Kamara

I really favour this cause I have tear on my eye.

25 01 2016
Anonymous

Reading this has encouraged me more. I am 23 n in my first relationship for over a year now. My guy knew there would be no sex before marriage but thought I would eventually change my mind. He realises that won’t happen n started small small pressures. I told him it’s either no sex or a break up. He was surprised and didn’t know I would go that far and I will if it comes to that. It’s not because I don’t love him; I do but I also know sex isn’t guarantee that we won’t have problems anymore or everything will b fine with us. So thanks for this piece.

25 01 2016
Editor

You are a very wise girl, and pretty too. I can tell you already that your boyfriend respect for you has increased ten fold. He cherishes you in his heart like diamonds even if he does not say it. Your resisting his sex pressure has reassured him that you are the woman he must marry, you have his trust and his love for you is as high as mountain because he knows that if he can have sex without marrying you, then other boys can as well. Every man wants a wife wholly for himself, and the surest guarantee is resistance till her wedding night. And if he is not, then he is a fool and not worthy of you and you are lucky not to have thrown away your precious virginity on wimp like that. But I tell you, many good men treasure girls like you, when they seek a woman they can marry and are ready to wait. Again, just like when a teacher withholds sweet from a child promising to give it if he is good, that child behaves well in expectation of the sweets. A woman that resist sex till her wedding night will have her man in his best behavior and rushing to please, in a hurry for wedding night special. A man who has already eaten his sweet has no desire or interest in wedding night. Please read Ms Iboma’s account of how she is so happy she kept her virginity till marriage> click

22 01 2016
Anonymous

repent God will make you a virgin again in spirit..go and sin not again

22 01 2016
Anonymous

hi,im Cindy i lost my virginity at the age of 15 with the boy im still dating. when i turned 18 i would always ask him where this relationship is leading us to.He would say he wants me to be his future wife.we are having sex so oftenly like at times throughout the whole week,three times a week.Now i recently moved in with him,im 22 now and i still don’t see any advancememts as marriage is concerned.Each time he asks me sex and i refuse,he will force his self on me,at times he even gets my cloths torned just for sex.After sex he will say i should perfom my duties as a wife.So pls i really need to know if he’s serious,does he love me or what ?

22 01 2016
Editor

Dear Cindy, Sex can lead girls to think they are emotionally close to a guy when in fact they are not. You are such a beautiful girl, Cindy; it breaks my heart that you have allowed yourself to be used or should I say misused in such a vile manner. It should be the other way round. Boys should be begging to marry you because you are pretty and pure and a covered and mysterious feminine delicacy that they can only get a taste of when they commit themselves for life, to love honor and cherish your sweetness all the days of their lives. Rather, what you have done is to give yourself away cheaply. Your boyfriend has no need to marry you or honor you because his is having sex with you to his heart’s content. For a plate of rice he can have sex with you weeks on end. Naturally, just like anyone would who has sex freely without having earned the right to, your boy has developed a strong sense of entitlement, he knows he can have sex with you anytime he desires. To him, you are a thing, an object for his enjoyment, that is why he is ready to beat you and tear you up if you so much as resist. Just like you will kick your dog if displeases you, Your boyfriend is ready to kick you, rape you if you resist him. This is not a relationship, but slavery. This is the sad consequence of having sex outside marriage. My advice to you is to get out of the relationship. STOP having sex with him. He is lying when he says he will marry you. He will never marry you. No man would marry a loose girl who he is already having regular sex with. Worse still for you, Cindy, you are not getting younger. Most girls your age are already married with children You will ruin your life if don’t GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. Sex has the power to strongly enslave people, and prolong an unhealthy relationship. Cindy, If you feel “trapped” in this relationship it is because you are having sex. You need to get out and cut all ties with this boy. It is going to be hard because you feel so insecure and since you have been going on for so long. But this is the way to go. It will also send a very strong message to him that you are no longer ready to be an object, but a woman that deserve to be married.

23 01 2016
cindy Tezeh

Thank you so much Mr.You know what? right now im crying, i feel horrible and it’s like i can never be loved again and no man will ever have my interest again.I was so ignorant about all these.Thank you so so much i’ve really learnt a lot.

23 01 2016
Editor

Hi Cindy dear, I didn’t mean to upset you, but hard words are sometimes necessary to get the message in. You are a good girl, you are just doing all the right things at the wrong time with the wrong guy. Please stop crying. It’s going to be fine, just as long as you keep away from this guy and stop having sex outside marriage. You need to pick up and move on. You deserve better. If you want to, you can do it, you can be better. God loves you, and He wants you to stop the dangerous habit of having sex outside marriage so he can find a good husband for you. Trust in him, pray and work, and keep on the straight path and you will meet your real soul mate, the man of your dreams who will waste no time in marrying you. You will see. God bless you

24 01 2016
Editor

We love you Cindy, and only wish your happiness. A pretty girl like you deserve much more than you are getting. Here are 20 encouraging reasons why you should avoid premarital sex: click the link>

You can also watch the videos shown here> click the link>

10 05 2017
Eugene

hi,am Eugene. I really like this page..pls just yesterday, i had sex with my girlfriend who is now 17..she is no longer a virgin..she was a very Godfearing girl when i met her at the age of 15 but now that we have had sex and she’s no more a virgin,am scared of losing her cos am afraid she may become spoilt and start flirting with other guys..we prayed together and asked God for forgiveness ryt after we had sex,since then i have been praying for God to keep our relationship strong but am stiil scared..I love her so much and i don’t want to lose her..pls i need ur help

10 05 2017
Editor

Hi Eugene, nice to hear from you. I’m really sorry you had sex so young. Sex is serious business with serious consequences please don’t do it anymore or you could end up where you never meant to go. The feeling of insecurity you are experiencing now is one of the sad consequences of premarital sex. If she could do it with you with no strings attached,what is to stop her from doing it with others. This should help you understand why sex is best reserved for the wedding night. My advice is ask God for forgiveness and make her understand that you both did wrong by taking lightly what is meant as a special gift for the two of you when you have crossed the bridge. Then I encourage to work hard, if you are a student, study, so that in a few years you would be able to get married to each other and live happily ever after. Cheers

19 01 2016
imade

i?m a 15yrs old girl, i lost my virginity at the age of 3, being raped by my brother’s friend. During last year i fell in love and we ended up having sex in d 4th month of our relationship, my hymem wasnt completely broke in d rape incident cos i bled wen we had it. He agreed that he is the one that took my virginity although he knew about the rape incident, a week later he broke up with me saying he is back with his ex and that he just use me to get his mind off his ex then. I felt so dirty and cheap, i couldnt forgive myself but i later moved on with a new guy. Everyday everytime i felt like having sex, i became adapted to it, its jst driving me insane, i ended up having sex like 4 times with my new guy. I hated myself for it. I broke up with him and decide to stop and reframe my life but my past keep hunting me, its like am watching movie cos it keep playing it my memory, i doubt if i will ever be able to see a guy who will love me irrespective of my past mistakes cos i dont seem to forgive myself

19 01 2016
Imelda

Dear Imade, I am so sorry to hear you were raped at 3. Violating a child is such evil that the Child’s Guardian Angel will surely smite the man that did that. He will never have children. In anycase Imade, put it behind you, you are now of age to take responsibility for your life. It is sad but true that sex with a man who is not married to you will always leave us women losers. Granting a man access to your canal, cheapens you, you are no longer a prize, a jewel to be won but a cheap shot already had. There are many unworthy men out there seeking to use us for their sexual release and and when they satisfy themselves ,the move other to other rare birds, still out of reach. Only the man ready to marry you is the one that love you truly. Giving a man sex outside marriage is simply telling him not to bother marrying you.

19 01 2016
mercy

Hello am mercy…I will be 18 dis year and boyfriend is 21 will also be 22 dis year..though he is understanding and loves me and he has never asked me for sex..if possibly he ask what should I do or say to him?? And how can I prevent us from having sex..thank you

19 01 2016
Celine

Hello, Mercy, nice to meet you. You talk like a very intelligent girl and I know that you are also very pretty. If your boyfriend asks for sex, you should simply ask him when he is ready to marry you. If he says he will be ready next year, then tell him with a smile that you will ready for sex next year. Let’s face it Mercy, if you have sex with your boyfriend and you get pregnant, can he take care of you and the baby? He is just 22, can he afford to pay for an apartment, where you and your baby will live? Can he afford to feed and clothe you and the child..In short, is he ready for the responsibilities that comes with having sex? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then he is not responsible enough to have sex, he is not yet financially secured to feed and cloth a woman and child. If he answers yes to ALL of these question, still, don’t believe him. He might be lying to steal sex when he doesn’t deserve it, when he cannot handle the responsibilities that comes with it. Verify them for yourself. How much does he earn in salaries or if he is a business man, how much does he make in a month? At the age of 22, must boys are still in first year at the university..If that is the case, he is still been fed and clothed by his parents or guardians and he is DEFINITELY not ready for sex, because he is still a liability, and therefore cannot take care of you and your baby? So, sweet Mercy, if you boy asks for sex, advice him like a big girl to face his book, work hard so that he will earn enough to be worthy of marrying you and eventually having sex and fathering many many children whom he will bring up with a manly way.

16 01 2016
Tulisa

I am Tulisa. the article was phenomenon.
I have a question though. I am 17 and have been in a relationship with a guy for almost two years now. He knows both me and my family and everyone thinks he’s great. Our relationship has never gone to the extent of having sex but he often mentions that he wants to. he’s 26 and we are in a relationship that I could call promising because he’s somewhat mature and is taking things at a steady pace. how do you presume I deal with the topic about sex because as written, saying no especially to a man who seems so responsible and mature is diffocult

17 01 2016
Editor

Hi, Tulisa, you are a very pretty girl. Thank you for the compliment on the article. It is our pleasure to help you anytime day or night. Your question is important and relevant. It so happens that in many long relationships, the man often puts a lot of pressure on the girl to have sex with him, often disguising his selfishness in “mature words” that show that he has tried, he has been patient enough, that he is entitled to sex since he has been around. In some cases the man does his very best convince the the girl that they are already husband and wife and therefore sex should happen. Sweet Tulisa,DONT be deceived! A woman is only protected when sex is within marriage where husband and wife are committed to love one another forever, for life. Sex is the physical expression of this commitment, “They two are no longer two, but one single entity. For this a man will leave his mother and father and cling to his wife and the two become one. ” Sexual act is the physical fulfillment of the ” I do” that couple answers when the minister asks, “Do you promise to love each other for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, till death do you part?” Sex outside of marriage is a lie. The couple would be lying to one another. If a girl has sex with a man that is married to another woman, she is lying, because the man is already one with another woman. And if two unmarried people have sex, they are equally lying, since they are expressing with sexual act what is not really true; that is that they are united for life. The reality is that they are not, and the man is free to leave you anytime for another girl. So Tulisa, if your man wants sex, let him hurry and marry you, then he can have sex with you all he wants and you will be happy and protected, bear him many children. Please ask him what he is waiting for ? Why is he dragging his feet to marry a jewel like you? and never, never give him sex until after your wedding. Remember that in life there is no friend that cannot let you down. Only by marrying you can he prove that he is truly a mature man, because true sign of maturity is the ability to commit to a life long marriage with one woman. If not, he is not a mature man but a trickster who is good in the act of deception. Continue keeping your virginity intact until your are married or you will get hurt, Tulisa

16 01 2016
tessy

please Ama ,how would you know you are still a virgin even tho you have a guy please.

17 01 2016
Vivian

Tessy dear, only you can know if you are a virgin or not so far as you are sure you’ve never had sex before.besides there musn’t be blood when u have sex for the first time as most peole believe.

15 01 2016
bella

tank god i can stil hold mar virginty @17 by

16 01 2016
Editor

You are a smart and pretty girl, Bella, keep it up and when the time comes, God will send you a husband, a rich and handsome young man, who will protect you, love and cherish the fact that you have been faithful, and have not given what belongs to him to another or to many others, and he will be faithful to you, you will be diamonds in his eyes, he will give you the world, and would tell the world that you are beautiful , he will be a good father to your children. You will also have strong, handsome children because you have not polluted the source from whence they come. Many girls cannot have children when they marry because they had sex with so many people that their organs are ruined and polluted with sexually transmitted disease or even worse, their uterus has been ruptured, punctured and destroyed during abortions. Or even worse they had destroyed they life giving potential of their sexuality by taking many contraceptive pills which ruins their organs. All that will not happen to you dearest Bella, because you have self control, self power . You cannot be deceived by any man to give him sex when he has not committed himself to love you forever. When he is not ready to take you as his one and only wife. Thanks Bella for understanding that having sex with a man who will leave you tomorrow is foolishness

15 01 2016
Helen

Hi. I’m Helen from philliphines. In the age of 15 years old I lose my virginity with my friend because of curious. On that time I don’t know about sex and virginity. After I hear about losong virginity I really upset and sad. After that in 16 years old I got boyfriend. At one family function he kiss and do sex with me .after finish sex he ask me where is your virginity I told him what I did in 15 years old. But he told me you are bad and leave me. After that one guy love me.I told to him I’m not a virgin.he also leave ..after 2 years at age of 18 I got a new boyfriend. I told to him everything about me and what happened in my past he told me no problem I will accept you.but he also do sex with me and leave me.then decided to live alone .
At the age 19 my father died due to cancer. I have mom and two brother’s they dont know I’m not a virgin. My family is happy family and like friends. But I don’t have anyone to call as dad. Unfortunately I had a friend from India through Facebook. He is 25 years old I call him as brother. I told everything about my past and losing virginity and screwed my life. And he give me many advice and make me happy. So I decided to call dad..he also accept me as daughter haha. He is a business man.he also leave by some one girl. But he told me don’t worry daughter I will solve your problems. He discuss about me to his personal doctor. My luck that doctor told him to take to Poland on her hospital. I told my mom I going for a tour around philliphines I will back to house after 1 month and I went to Poland. My friend from India he also come to Poland.we meet first time in person. Her personal doctor check my vagina and told we can replace your hymen from any died virgin girl virgin. My friend he spent a lot of money for me and surgery where done within 13 days.he spent around 1 million American dollars for my hymen replace surgery.. After one week I was discharge from the hospital as a fresh virgin. And I return to my house in philliphines as happy. I love my Indian friend so much.I proposed to him to get marry he told me now no time wait I will get marry you soon.. But my bad luck he was died in bike accident at 2014 November. I’m so thank full for making me as new virgin. Everyday I’m crying for he. Now I get married by a turkey man now I’m 22 years old. I’m now pregnant except my Indian friend and doctor nobody don’t know about my hymen surgery. My kid is male last week I went to hospital for check up.I know my Indian friend only born for me. He is the one who give me second life.I miss him a lot.
Girls my point is don’t lose your virginty before marriage ,sometimes it make you die yourself. So please rise against defloration centre and porn studios.
I don’t know to speak English well.
Your faithfully.
Helen matba

16 01 2016
Editor

Wow! What a story! Thank you for sharing your story with us Helen, I am sure that many girls will learn from it. It is true that in India, virginity is prized so highly when men are looking for women to marry. Still there is an element of injustice there. For someone like you, Helen, you did not deserve to be used and dumped by so many men. Still I believe you should not be freely having sex with so many men because that is a recipe for disaster. It is true that sex is enjoyable, our desires are often aflamed, but we must control ourselves because of the many repercussions and complications that comes with extramarital sex. The simple solution to avoid temptations, keep away from being alone with a man in a room for a long time. Do not get drunk when you go to a party. Dress decently so as not to attract sexual eyes of men. It is true that a woman dress often says what she wants. If a woman dress nakedly, she is simply telling the world that she wants sex. Lastly, virginity cannot be regained by surgery, because a virgin is a girl who has had no sexaul relations with a man. It is not just the breaking of the hymen, but there are other physical, spiritual and psychological aspects associated with it. It is sad but true, You were deceived Hellen, please do not let them deceive you anymore. Thanks once again for telling us your story, a good lesson for many young girls. I am happy you have a child now, do not let him down. He will be proud of you, if you change and stop sleeping with other men. Your son will want to be proud of his mother and I know he will be very proud of you.

14 01 2016
Ama

Pls is there anyway to find out that you’re still a virgin? If so how please

14 01 2016
Editor

Hello Ama, technically virginity is a function of soul and body. A virgin land is fertile land that has not yet been used. A virgin girl is one that has not yet been used sexually, pure and preserved in tact for the man who will love her body and soul for life. She is hence able to give herself whole and pure to her beloved

15 01 2016
Ama

I have heard of virginity test,,,,,dats why am asking dat do we have a way of testing virginity.Tnk u

15 01 2016
Editor

Hello Ama, no I don’t think there is anything like a virginity test kit. It sound ridiculous anyhow. Virginity is not a virus or illness that you can take a sample and put under the microscope. like I said it is a function of soul and body. There are those severely tempted and yet remain virgins. Here is a story of Maria who chose to die rather than lose her virginity: Click http://wp.me/p1MlsC-ip

14 01 2016
Anonymous

Wow!I love it en tnkz coz i have learn a lot

14 01 2016
Editor

You are welcome and thanks for writing in. It is why we are here, to help people like you know the truth so that the truth will set you free and make you strong, happy and prosperous. By avoiding costly mistakes that could ruin your life, you will be setting yourself up for great success on your way

14 01 2016
Omotolani Nifemi

I didn’t know whether it’s okay or not.I should av told him am not a virgin, I know I made the mistake by saying ‘Yes’ when he asked am I a virgin and most surprising aspect is that, he would said to me not to allow any person to destroY my dignity including him, because he knew what the devil is capable of doing and also advice me to pray non-stop. Because I can’t overly protect myself only with the help of God. Then, he love me so much. We didn’t have sex till now talk less of that when we are together, and any stupid move is about to take place or the likes, I do find my possible way to vacate, and besides he has never approached me with sex. But, don’t know why we are no more together and am looking forward to give my dignity to my marriage Spouse. Thanks

13 01 2016
light

i lost my virginity at 16 yrs and i broke up with the guy,since then its been from one person to another and it has made me look like an addict,your post is exactly what has been happening t6 me and i need help#thanks

14 01 2016
Editor

My Dear Light, you are a very bright girl and I am so surprised you are throwing your life away. Men will never take you seriously if they can have you without sweat. Girls of loose virtue are the butt of jokes in beer parlors. If any man can have sex with you for a plate of rice, then no man will ever want to marry you. I see you married in future to a handsome man, who loves you and respects you. Your strong and healthy children will be so proud of you, but you must stop letting them down. Get hold of yourself and keep your pants on and stop making a fool of yourself. Work, pray and study. ..This is the way to be successful in life. If you continue they way you are going,you will end up a prostitute, diseased, poor and penniless. You are also running a high risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/Aid, genital herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, human papillomavirus and cervical cancer!

13 01 2016
Deborah

i lost my virginity at 18 and we have been having sex now. I can’t say no when he requests because I don’t want to lose him. I love him very much and he has promised to marry me too. i don’t know how to tend him down and i enjoy everything we do and I can’t take my mind off sex.

14 01 2016
Editor

Dear Deborah, you are a very smart girl but you are acting like a cheap slot. You are also behaving like a slave. That is what giving a guy your sexuality does, it binds you to him while he uses you to his heart’s content then without warning and with no qualms he will drop you for another. Please read this article of Maureen Abah on why she is so successful and happy that she had reserved her virginity till marriage. Giving your virginity to a boy who is not committed in any way to love you for better or for worse is pure folly. You are enslaved and you must break the chain by committing yourself to prayer and putting a distance between you and that boy. He may never marry you. For why should he? He is already using you to satisfy his sex anytime he wishes? Why would he marry a girl who is so cheap? Men love challenges and everyone values what is hard to get. Please read this story of Maureen:click> http://wp.me/p1MlsC-10L

22 12 2015
arjun

hi… how many of them know about Tommy. he is a pornstar. he destroy more than 500 small girls virginity. he giving around 5000 euros to the girl who is ready to loss her viriginity in front of camera…. so from poor family girl go to his studio’s are loss their virginity with Tommy… and they sell the videos in high price and spoil the girls life and carriers…
bcoz of Tommy many girls boyfriend leave the girls… some of them get suicide and died…
so many persons waiting to kill Tommy… includes many girls parents and boy friends… me too waiting to kill him… bcoz of he I miss my gf… she is no more in this world… after kill tommy and her camera man and producer … me too died myself and join with my gf…

if anybody like to help me please mail me..

20 12 2015
Sydney

I lost my virginity a couple days after my 16th birthday. been w 6 other people sexually since then and I’m only 17. Am I going to hell? What should I do to fix this if I can?

20 12 2015
Editor

Hello Sydney, thanks for writing in. You are a very honest girl and no, you are not going to hell if you are truly sorry and begin to make amends now. Really you will hurt yourself more by continuing on this path if you don’t stop. First you need to cut relationship with all those whom you had previously had sex with. That is hard and requires you to pray for strength from God, but it is a vital step because once compromised, they will keep thinking you are are cheap and asking–demanding sex from you. Regain your self respect by putting a distance between you and these men who use you as a sex object only to dump you when they have had their pleasure. You might need to have a medical check for sexually transmitted diseases (STD) such as HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, papilloma and a host of other sexually transmitted diseases. Again, you might be pregnant, just imagine what will happen if you are already pregnant! You life will change and studies show that girl who become pregnant and have children out of wedlock often end up very poor and desperate. If that is already the case, please do not worry, do not agree to abort the baby: that is murder: If there is an older person that you trust such as a spiritual director for example, a priest, who you can speak with, to help you and guide you. The Catholics have what is called Confession, where they go to tell their sins to a priest who will ask God’ forgiveness for them. It doesn’t matter if you are not a catholic. Do you speak with your parents? A girl’s best friend should be her mother, speak with your mother if you can, but if not, do not worry. Secondly, face your studies. You are still young and have a lot of studying to do. Study and work hard to be a successful woman, financially secure and independent. When you have finished your studies with good grades, you stand a better chance of getting a good job and finally marrying the man of your choice with whom you will have many children and you will be happy. Thank you again dear Sydney for writing in, I know you will do the right thing and put a stop to this cheapening of yourself and become a successful wife, mother and the envy of your peers.

23 12 2015
khanyisile

ooh gal sorry we all make mistakes learn from them

2 01 2016
Benjamin Deborah

Sidney, u re my mate so I’d advice you like a gud fwend dat I am. First things first. i am Benjamin Deborah.You’ve got to give your life to Christ. You don’t jus give ur lyv to Him buh also submit all too Him. Look! It’s easy! Don’t think it’s hard! It’s not any bit hard. I know u re kinda feeling that u can’t change and all. True, u can’t change urself buh if u come to God, He’ll change u. Jus come as u are. Take a step. Don’t let the devil lie to u lyk He has lied to thousands out there. I hope u know d devil jus an errand bastard? Listen moi gud fwend, u’ve got to be born again. Apologise to God for all ur past and live on. One is not really livin until u have Christ.
One more thing-don’t let the devil deceive u that u won’t go to hell afterall it’s jus some hormonal-kind-of-thing. I hope u know that if Christ comes 2dai, He wouldn’t mind if He sees only one person righteous. You remember Abraham and Lot were the only ones not wiped out in Sodom and Gomorrah? Sidney, I hope u’re convinced bcos all I am tellin u is the truth, absolutely the truth.
As I write this, I am praying for u! Pls God inspired me 2 write this and I hope u listen! Anyway if u feel like talking to a cool friend, call me-07063903928. I am Nigerian. I’d be resuming to school on 8th Friday January 2016 as a boarder.
Expectin to hear from u Sidney. Ta~ta!

2 01 2016
Editor

Thanks Deborah, for your advice, you are a good friend.

11 12 2015
sharai musiyiwa

thanks for sharing yo story i have learned a lot. i was just about to have sex just to please my guy. and i am 15. should i wait till i am 18.

11 12 2015
Editor

Hello Sharai, you are a very smart girl, and if you wish to be truly respected and loved, you should wait till you are married to have sex. If you give him, you will no longer attract and enchant Keep him at arm’s length, if you give in, you will no longer have anything to hold his attention. WAIT till marriage.

8 12 2015
linda

Hi all. I lost my virginity at the age of 8 . not by choice though. I was raped . my parents know but didn’t do anything about it. but I’ve abstained since then. I’m twenty one now and married with a two year old daughter. I told my hubby what happened to me and he didn’t judge me. he accepted me just as I am now. what I’ve learnt in life about men is that when they find their woman. they want to be the first person with them. the idea that another guy has being with me sexually puts them off . they can’t seem to move on they start to imagine all these images of you and this other guy in their heads and eventually start to resent you in some way. I know this because rape is not an easy thing to talk about or tell people about. I’m stronger now that’s how I’m able to do it now. so because at the time it was hard for me to tell . when my husband (, who was my boyfriend at the time ) asked me if I was a virgin I couldn’t tell him I was raped it was harder so I lied and said no I’m not a virgin I slept with someone when I was younger. but over time I noticed what this information did to him. it’s like I punished him because he loved me so dearly( he still does) . one day he sat down and told me what hez bn going through and told me that he can’t stop imagining me with this other guy and he wanted to be the first person with me. but he can’t get the picture out of hez head so it was making him distant and built. kind of resentment toward me. so I eventually told him the truth. he was upset that I lied but he understood why and he was also hurt at the fact that someone could violate an eight year old who turned out to be someone who he loves dearly . the thought that I went through that as a child breaks his heart but it does bring him peace . the point of me telling you all this is because I want to say don’t lie to your partner when you finally meet the right person. if I had it my way I wouldn’t have bn raped and he would have found Me a. virgin. and all those that are still virgins keep your virginity its priceless . and those that arent virgins be honest with your husband when you finally meet him. and tell him why you lost your virginity and from what I’ve seen you all regret it. let him know that you regret losing it and not choosing to wait. total honesty brings full closure and trust to a marriage.

8 12 2015
Editor

Thanks for sharing your story with us Linda. I am deeply sorry to know what you have been through. I don’t even pretend to know what it is like to be raped, what horror women like you go through. Thank you once again for this beautiful story. Your story is inspiring because it is a story of a strong woman, a story of true love between husband and wife. I admire the courage of your husband. He truly loves you and he has a forgiving spirit. I think you did the right thing to trust him and tell him the truth. It was not your fault that your were raped. You were violated with great violence, against your will, every good man will understand and love you even more for being so strong. Thanks again. Your husband has a right to be hurt, it is mental torture to know that the woman whom you regard as sacred, as the living embodiment of virtuel, an angel, has been freely used by other men. It is a very hurtful feeling, a disappointment, a let down. A good lesson for younger ladies. If you give your virginity away you rob your future husband of what is truly his and his hurt and resentment may destroy you. Be warned. May God bless you Linda for finally trusting your husband and not allowing any type of deception or lies or cover ups, to overshadow and destroy the absolute trust and confidence between husband and wife.

5 12 2015
muswagger city mulaudzi

we only live once ryt
wt if i die virgin
no i dnt want to risk
puberty must have sex cz they develop sexuality
.why dogz that are not even have a year of living manage to diliver new born

even pepz cz do dat

3 12 2015
Funmilayo

But like what age can a lady leave her virginity cos sme people do say it so painful wen it take time to disvirgin

3 12 2015
Editor

Dear Funmilayo, the best age is always when you are safely in your husband’s house, married and ready to have children. Sex makes babies and babies need mommy and daddy

29 11 2015
cynthia wanjira

Thank you for that. God’s blessings. I think i lost my virginity after being fingered but am not sure for i bled after the act. I have been seeking for answers since then. I have come to learn that temptations are there in life. Be safe!

29 11 2015
Editor

Hello Cynthia, I am not a doctor, but I think you cannot lose your virginity because you are fingered, in any case, you should desist from such because you could get disease infections from such acts or other more serious consequences. Have you seen a doctor about the bleeding? You should get medical attention or tell someone you trust about the bleeding so you can be assisted. Please, KEEP AWAY from anyone who does this to you, or you could get in more serious trouble.

26 11 2015
Priscilla

I want tu keeep my virginity

26 10 2015
Arjun Singh Bisht

Yes! I also agree that girls should learn to respect themselves. there are many people who just want to use girls and also many girls and women are doing same and they not feel guilty on their sin.
So, Innocent girls and boys must keep themselves away from those. Be a religious and do not cheat parents because they are same as god. And god watching us every where and every second. Wait for marriage, because it is a right definition of pure relationship.
Don’t be slave of your body and sense organs and feeling of sex-perversity.
Be a master of your body and control it by soul because soul is the part of Great God.

26 10 2015
sungal

I really love ur advice and I think I need 1 plz .I lost my my when am 18 and De guy I lost it to is nw married but yet we are still friends and still have diz intimacy with him even when when I knw his new married with a child, I really don’t like did type of life yet I can help De situation even when I knw DAT anytym we see he won’t let me be but I still like seeing him even when am displeasing my self and my conscience I still long 2 see him. wot do I do 2 break free from him coz I knw am in serious boundage dat De attachment I have with him is 2 strong how do I break loose coz am really tried of did type of life ,i need ur reply urgently.thankz

26 10 2015
Editor

Dear Sungal, I know you are intelligent girl, but at the moment, for some reasons, you are behaving rather foolishly, and your actions if you don’t stop, will cause great harm to yourself, your family and other innocent people. You have consented to temptations that has inflamed your sex passions. This man, after having used you, has chosen another over you, yet, you belittle yourself and continue to throw your dignity away by having sex with him. Are you that cheap?
No, I think you are pretty brilliant girl with good prospect of marriage. But you need to cut all ties with this man, no phone calls, no chats, no visits, nothing! You may need to change your phone number if necessary. If you do this, after six months, you will break free from the chains of lust binding you to this man and you will discontinue this foolish adulterous affair you are having. This is the way you can overcome the inflaming lustful foolishness that will destroy you if you don’t give it up. If you do give it up, you will be successful. When your future husband arrives, he find you shining and kiss you. If you don’t give it up, your future husband will turn from you in disgust when he arrives. I beg you for the love of all things good to stop being foolish, and and claim your future.

21 10 2015
Martha

I have been with dis guy for a couple of months now we broke up den got back together everythin was kinda movin on but one night he text me and i sensed something wasn’t right so i askd him wats wrong he said he has been feeling horny for some days now and didn’t want to tell me cause he wasn’t sure of how i will take it or feel about it .my response was dat i dnt know wat to say cause der is nothin i can do to remedy his situation so i suggest he gets a new girlfriend dat can satisfy him rather than a virgin gf who is not ready yet. Do u think i did the right thing??

21 10 2015
Editor

Yes, my Dear Martha, you did the right thing. You are a big girl, very grown up and like every grown up you’ve learnt your biology text very well; you know that the sex hormones begin to act up in boys at age 13 and a little latter in girls. It is a normal process of development, yet it must be controlled, if not bad things happen. You gave that boy a very good advice too. He has to control his “horny feelings” or he could get himself into big trouble. Just think what would happen if he gets some girl pregnant when he is not even ready to be a father? He would ruin his life, and worse, ruin someone’s daughter who might get very upset and come after him and cut his “thing” with a garden shear. Thank you, dear Martha, for acting very wise and grown up. Keep it up. You are a good example to other girls and that boy will grow up one day and thanks you for that lil advice you gave him.

18 10 2015
gotaway

I’m so lucky I managed to get away. There was this guy I was talking to, he said he loved me and stuff but then he started talking about sex, I changed the topic and he apologised. But afterwards he wasn’t talking to me as much, he still said he loved me though. Now, many months after I stopped talking to him, I found out everything he said was a lie, and he was married. He tried to take advantage of me, I was only 14, but luckily I never met him without some family with me.

18 10 2015
Editor

Dear Gotaway, You are simply a very intelligent girl, I admire you and wish that all the 14 yr olds the world over would have your simple charming good sense. God bless you, you are a joy and your actions is a bright and shining example to other girls.

11 10 2015
Eniola

My bf was angry with me coz i dnt want him 2 lose my virgnity nd i love him so much

11 10 2015
Editor

Hello Eniola, I am so very happy to meet you. I know you are a very pretty girl, and a pretty girl like you deserves a relationship with a true man who is loving and ready to wait, and marry you before having sex with you. Now there are other boys who may appear to be men, but are are not men, they are really dogs. They only want to snatch sex from pretty girls like you and get angry as dogs do when they are not able. Such boys, even if they be very handsome, don’t deserve you. Mind you that he might get you pregnant or transmit sexual diseases like HIV, genital herpes or syphilis to you. Please Eniola, wait for your real man who will be father to your children, he is on his way. Have a little patience and forget this other boy. In the meantime, study, work hard and you will be a very rich and successful woman. And when the time comes for marriage, your handsome husband will give you the world.

6 10 2015
SADNESS

My boyfriends dnt lst cz of gud reasons bt my lst ex which is THUSANO SEOKAMO i really loved him so much by 1day whn we were chating he told me tat its time me nd him have sex so tat we cn make our lv stronger than b4 bt i refused i evn told him tat am planning 2hv sex whn i get my grd11 report tat says promoted 2 grd12 bt he said tat if i love him i wil hv sex with him bt i stand with my point thn he started 2cheat on me whn i ask him y he should do ths 2me he said bcz of u dnt wnt 2make me happy thn he broke up with bt sometimes we talk nd he evn ask me tat if i stil lv him nd if i wnt us 2try again i should hv sex with him bt i dnt wnt i told my self tat”BOYS R NOT WORTH-IT”so he cn FUCK him self… so do i do the right thng…?

6 10 2015
Editor

Don’t be sad, dear, you absolutely did the right. You are a strong girl, study hard and pass your exams, you will soon have many boys queuing up to marry you. You can take your pick then.

2 10 2015
karma

I lost mine last month but my guy has been so caring since then we are just like soul mate ever since the night I gave him my pride

12 09 2015
Virginia

it is good to keep ur self pure because ur husband will love u more

12 09 2015
Editor

Thanks for that insight, Virginia. Wise words!

6 09 2015
Anonymous

i am very relate ilost my virginity on

24 08 2015
Palesa

I lost my viginity when i was about 6to7 years old. I can’t tell how it felt but one day it happened that it was time to move out , when he left i always had a dream that he would come back to me as i loved him but he didn’t what he did was to ignore me, i kept thinking to myself did he really love me or he just wanted to sleep with me?i never kept that in mind becuz i was still young the time came that my teacher taught us about growing up i read the case study and began to know that i am not i virgin i was so scard that my mom wld know that i am not a virgin i was taking a bath when me and my mom had a girls talk and it happend that we both talk about sex my mother said that some day she would put in her finger in my virginer and check if i am still a vigin i was so scared and just kept quiet.how to tell my mo that i am not a virgin?

22 10 2015
Editor

Dear Palesa, I think you should just trust your mom and tell her. She is your mom you know and no one loves you more than she does. True, she might get upset and scold you a lil bit, but she loves you and will help you so you don’t get into deeper troubles. Trust me, just tell mom, everything will be fine.

19 08 2015
Annica

My favorite line “she knows that sex exist with out intimacy but she may forget that intimacy can exist without sex”

1 08 2015
Courtney

I wish I would’ve have read this last year. Since that moment, my life has took a turn for the worse & it’s so hard trying to find that security & strength within myself to get everything back together. I lost myself & forgot my worth as a young woman trying to please others. It hurts and I could’ve waited.

1 08 2015
Editor

We love you and will pray for you Courtney, pick up and move on. Put the past behind, ask God for forgiveness and do not do again till you are in the arms of your wedded husband. He, and your children, will be forever grateful to you. Cherio!

7 07 2015
nicole

I lost my my virginity when I was 15 on my birhday my boyfriend is 19 turning 20 soon I didn’t wanted to do it but he told me our rship would get stronger but he doesn’t chat so much with me I think he have other loose chicks I love him so much I think I’m pregnant with his child he made me very sore the first tym but I like sex now

7 07 2015
Editor

Hi, Nicole, well have you told your parents that you are pregnant? You need help right now, but please, please don’t think of anything like abortion. You need to speak with an older person who can help you. I know just the people who can help you, don’t worry, just call any of the numbers closest to you on this website, just follow the link, here > http://njrtl.org/resources/crisis-pregnancy-centers/

24 06 2015
ONWE EMMANUEL M

my comment is in question?. and my question is, when a guy dis-virgined a virgin. what drug can you administer her

25 06 2015
Editor

Hello, Onwe Emmanuel M, your questions is a little bit confusing. Why do you want to administer her a drug? Is it because you do not what her to get pregnant? If so, I can tell you that that would be adding insult to an injury. Most contraceptive pills are outrightly harmful to women, and can lead to severe health problem. My answer to you is don’t give her any drugs. If you have had sex with a girl, then you should be ready to live up to the responsibilities of being a father if she gets pregnant, because yes, sex leads to pregnancies. If you dont want father a child, then DO NOT have sex until you are ready. It is that simple. Pregnancy is not a sickness. It is the natural consequence of a sexual act, having sex makes babies, just like eating food makes you healthy. You have to be careful now. When you administer a drug to stop a pregnancy, you could actually be killing someone. Yes, most of the contraceptive pills are also abortifacients, that is they induce the abortion of the implanted embryo, thus killing a child in the smallest stage of infancy. So please, please don’t !

24 06 2015
PAVANIKA

PLZ REPLY

24 06 2015
Editor

Dear Pavanika. You are sad that your boyfriend took your honesty badly. Don’t be. You did the right thing by telling him the truth, and if he was any good he should have loved you more for it. Some people sadly are not appreciative of truth. That is too bad for them and you are too good for him. Please don’t cry, move on. But, I think by now you see how sex outside marriage is not good for your happiness. Don’t do it anymore. Ask God for forgiveness and God will give you not just a boyfriend now, but a husband who will love you forever. May God bless you.

24 06 2015
PAVANIKA

I TOLD MY BOYFRD THT I WAS NOT A VIRGIN AND HAD A SEX ,AFTER THT HE SAID ME USELESS M I USELESS GIRL NOW

16 06 2015
shrishti saxena

Hey there i wanna know dat should i get physical with my boyfriend or not though he has an another gf but she doesnt look pretier then me so should i go for sex at this age of 18 and mg boyfriend is christian but hez indian and he is of age 20

17 06 2015
Editor

Hi, Shrishti, sex is a pretty serious thing and I would not advise you to do it with anyone who is not totally committed to you. Marriage is the only commitment that ensures that you having sex with him will not expose you to ridicule, being dumped, or to disease. Also studies show that once a boyfriend has satisfied himself sexually with a girl, he no longer finds her exciting or a challenge or worth chasing after. He soon begins to look for other girls

14 06 2015
prince

In every words there must be a reason quite sure it is a lesson to her and for others in general. Thanks for that.

3 06 2015
julietttt

I had sex almost 2 years back. I was 19 then and it was my first serious relationship. I hadn’t thought about having sex, it just happend. I didn’t know about the ramifications until a few months later. I felt as though I was bound to him and had to spend the rest of my life with him. He wasn’t prince charming, he was just a douche bag I thought was Prince charming. Once he got to know that I felt so strongly about losing my virginity, he began abusing me. I had a horrible relationship for almost a year. He began demanding sex, when I refused he would get very angry. After a year of breakups-makeup-fights-drama-abuse and a blind love from my side I decided it had to end.

I don’t believe that the society should lay so much taboo on losing your virginity. I do believe it’s something special, but we all are humans and we sometimes have a lapse of judgement. It’s been one year since I broke up with him. There have been many ups’ and downs’ but most of all I learnt to love myself. There were rumors about me being a “used girl” since I slept with him, what hurt was a guy who said he really loved me before said that I was a “used girl”. It took a long time to get over the fact that I had lost my virginity to a jerk. I got used to people talking. It’s only made me a stronger person. The main lesson I learnt was to love myself and not listen to what people say.

I learnt things the hard way. But if I had a chance to change my past, would I do it? Maybe, no. I have come out a stronger and more confident person than what I was and to survive in this dog eat god world you need to be strong 🙂

3 06 2015
Editor

Thank you, Juliet. Thanks for sharing your story with us, we have all learnt something. Thank you for being strong and not letting your past mistake dominate and crush you. Your story will help many young girls deal with their own mistakes. May God bless you.

29 05 2015
Tim

A’men!

17 05 2015
Patricia

Focus nw on him who gave you His Body and then Blood

17 05 2015
Editor

Well said Patricia. Thanks for that

17 05 2015
Patricia

Since u have done it. Let it go. What is done is done. Don beat yourself. Be kind 2 urself. You will be fine. Jesus loves you.

17 05 2015
bella samantha

am i still a virgin? because when i had sex with my bf the blood i lost did not even stain my pant bt it just come out a litte bit even i use my hand to wipe it away at once pls am i still a virgin? cause am afraid have lost it.and also the guys pennis did not go deep in it

17 05 2015
Editor

Hi, Bella Samantha, nice to meet you. Virginity is not only the physical act of avoiding sex till marriage but an attitude of the mind. If you perform actions that could lead up to sexual intercourse even if you did not actually have sex, you would be guilty of fornication or adultery as the case may be. As they say, it is not permissible to arouse what is not permissible to satisfy. A man who has medical prescription against drinking alcohol should not go to the pub. Then again you must realize that the person that is chiefly offended by our acts of immorality is God, thus you must ask for forgiveness from Him and He will cleanse you spiritually and and make you new again. Catholics have a good way of accessing this cleansing action of God. They call it to “confession.” If you are a catholic, I will suggest you go to confession so that the priest can give you absolution. If you are not a catholic, then pray and and ask Jesus to forgive you and Jesus will answer your question like he did the woman caught in adultry: ” I do not condemn you, go do not sin anymore or worse thing will happen to you” Jesus doesn’t condemn you Samantha, but please, from now on avoid anything that could put your virginity in doubt

14 05 2015
Anonymous

Rather wait than to rush things you can’t even stand up to.I am 15 but I will wait for the right time

23 04 2015
jaya

I am 18. For now I will focus on my own empowerment. As for sex, not now. thanks for your stories. it made me wiser.

23 04 2015
Editor

You are welcome Jaya, thanks for dropping us a line. We are glad you found the stories useful…and a good decision you have made there. Sex must and should wait till marriage to someone who loves, cherishes, respects and adore you..not just for one day, or for the fun he gets from your body, but forever.

13 04 2015
allyssa williams

that is true sheryn we are stronger than we look………..

13 04 2015
sheryn williams

well……too bad for u guys who are out there using women for sex we are stronger than we look…….

13 04 2015
sheryn williams

this is so true………..boys just like to use u for sex…………and they don’t even know u……..but all they want is sex……..i can’t see myself having sex……..maybe when i am married.

9 04 2015
Zeena

I am 18year old girl now.I have been going through hard times from few years.I lost my virginity when i was 17year.I didn’t want to do but he force me again nd again.he is 1year older than me.now realised he does not love me so i left him. am totally depressed,lonely now.i could not control myself.plz am waiting for ur advice.

9 04 2015
Editor

Hi, Zeena, nice to hear from you and thanks for sharing your story. You are big girl now Zeena, put the past behind you and look to the future. What are you doing now? Are you in school perhaps? If you are, well read your books, get good grades, so can marry a nice man in the future and become rich and successful. You can’t do all that if you don’t control yourself. Now you say this man forced you? Have you told someone..your parents? You should you know so they can get him arrested cause what he did was criminal.

24 03 2015
Anonymous

How afraid i fl afta readn al thz

20 03 2015
beatrice

I know a lady of 22 but wen she was 12 she had sex with a boy of 11 and didnt bleed she kept herself eversince she wants to know if she might bleed on her weddin nyt

16 01 2015
paul

Hi am paul.I have a girl.Am 2 yrs older than her.She broke her virginity once with her ex boy.I felt bitter since I had never done that to gals.I wish she could be mine a lone.Am a christian and I dont want to leave her since I have married her and she is pregnant .Help.

16 01 2015
Editor

Hi Paul, well let me congratulate you for marrying an honest woman. I suppose she told you about her ex-now that is a rare woman who will be totally honest with her spouse about what she does with her body. Believe me it breaks her heart that she gave someone else her virginity. Dont make it too hard for her now, since she had suffered enough, moreover, she had come clean. When we come clean, God forgives. You, Paul should be like God. Rejoice oh truly blessed man, for you have found a good woman, honest and trustworthy. She will bear you many sons, sons she will fill with wisdom which life has taught her. Rejoice, oh! Paul, for have what many men seek and have not, a truly honest and trust worthy spouse.

10 01 2015
muheena

Hi,this is muheena I am a Muslim girl I lost my virginity at 22 and I regret,I was in a relationship with a guy I was madly in love with he insisted me for physical relation and I was ready to do anything for him but unfortunately he suddenly changed and was flirting with other girls ,I tried to commit suicide 2 times but if didn’t change he always behave rudely to me n was always taking physical advantage of me finally I left him but I still love him and my family s thinking of my marriage I m so stressd wat to do when my future husband came to know how will I face that and I don’t know can I forget my ex ever or not plz help

10 01 2015
Editor

Hi, Muheena, I believe you did the right thing to have left this guy. From the look of things, he never really loved you; at least not as much as you loved him and then look what happens? When he had satisfied his lust with you, naturally he turned looking for other excitements. Unfortunately, this is always the case. Get over him, he is not worth your time and what you had given to him, i.e your virginity, he never really deserved. Go and do not do it again. God will provide you with a good husband, who will cherish, love and adore you for who you are and not for what he can take from you. Pray to God for forgiveness, and for a good husband. He will grant it to you. May God bless you.

10 01 2015
amAn

. i am an indian girl had sex with her friend lost virginty …….. i am getting
married now…. i am scared that my husband might question me if i dont
bleed ……. its so important here to be a virgin……. i am too scared about my
married lplz help me

10 01 2015
Editor

Hello, amAn, sorry to know that you had the misfortune of loosing your virginity to someone else. But don’t worry am sure your husband loves you more than her loves your virginity. Be a loving wife, thoughtful, diligent and cheerful and you will do just fine. Make sure you make him that japati he loves so much just the way he likes it and I am sure you will live happily ever after. Cheers

3 01 2015
Gloria

wish I read this before doing anything but am ready to abstain.I have only been with one guy but its been hell

22 10 2015
Editor

Thanks for sharing your story with us Gloria. Ignorance in this matters harms us. Thank God it has only been one guy, and that you have learnt now the will save your life. Now empower educate your friends by sharing this with them.

29 12 2014
debby monday

I am confused I dnt wnt 2 loose my virginity I am xo not ready yet ,my bf said he is getting tired to the rejection if I refuse him one more time he might break up and I love him xo much ,plss wt shud I do

29 12 2014
Editor

Hi, Debby, I am glad to meet you. Thanks for sharing your problem. Your boyfriend is simply being selfish, he wants to have the pleasure of taking your virginity when you are not ready for it. He will not even be ready to take care of a child should you become pregnant and whats more, he will brag and boast to his friends that he has had sex with you, and worst of all, once you give in, he will demand more and more until he gets tired of you and dump you for another girl. Please Debby, be a strong girl and dont give in. I know from experience that good guys wait for the girl they love, marry them and then have sex and become good fathers to the children that come from sex. Your are young Debby, there are many young men waiting for a beautiful girl like you whom they will marry. Don’t risk everything for this impatient, selfish boy. Moreover, real men like women who hold their virginity till marriage, because they know that if they can have you, any one can have you. No man, no real man wants to marry a girl that is easy and cheap. No, most good guy want to be sure that the girl they marry, the mother of their children is not an easy, cheap, and used slut. Be strong girl, don’t fall for lies, cheap tricks of him who will use you, satisfy himself and dump you. And if you are with child, abandon you to your fate. Be strong and I tell you from experience, this is a sign that he is not good enough for you, he is not good enough for you to hand over your flower, your virginity, you body because he has no reverence and respect for you. He thinks he is dealing with a slut, but I know you are a very strong and pure girl, good for a real man and you will be wife to a very rich, handsome, intelligent, caring and loving man who will cherish the fact that you said no today to this boy. I will pray for you Debby, remain strong and God will bless you with a future happiness, far beyond what this little boy can or will ever give you. Jesus loves you. Keep it. Remember Debby, I am always here for you to talk to whenever you want. Keep it girl and you will be glad you did.

30 12 2014
2 12 2014
MaryGift

Actually premarital sex can not draw us closer to our partners;even if it does it doesnt last for long.so instead of buildin our relationship on sex why dnt we build it on Christ nd mk it healthy.gals dnt always discuss erotic things with ur partner it arouses dem instead find sumtin meaninful to discuss nd dnt always lavish affection on him dt iznt gud either….Knw ur worth

29 11 2014
Anonymous

İ think i might be young for sex but the my friebd talk about i dont know

24 11 2014
Naila Aoede

Having sex with someone doesn’t lower your self-worth. Also, I am curious to see what your sources of information are that you are basing statements such as “women with more sexual partners are susceptible to cervical cancers” from. I don’t think that there are valid medical sources that support that idea. People are made for premarital sex because people are made for sex, period. Before there was marriage, people still had children. I think it is a bad idea to tell a young woman that her virginity is an essential part to her relationship with God. If you raise her telling her that if she loses her virginity, her relationship with God will be tarnished, then if she does have sex with someone, she will feel as if her spiritual relationship is tarnished. That is the reason that so many girls who lose their virginity feel lost and depressed; people criminalize them, and tell them that what they are doing is sinful and wrong. People need to stop glorifying sex and making seem like a heretical act. People have sex. Get over it.

24 11 2014
Marie Thompson

Naila Aoede, your are right, people have sex and pigs have sex. What is the difference between people and pigs? Some people are rational, they love, get married, have sex and raise children in life long union with each other. Pigs are different, the cant love, they have sex when ever, where ever, with whomever. They breed to feed people. Viginal or Cervical cancer may result from Sexually transmitted diseases (STDS) such as Human papillomavirus (HPV). HPV in women
In women, genital HPV infections occur mainly at younger ages. They are less common in women over 30. Certain types of sexual behavior increase a woman’s risk of getting a genital HPV infection, such as:

Having sex at an early age
Having many sex partners
Having a partner who has had many sex partners
Having sex with uncircumcised males
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancercauses/othercarcinogens/infectiousagents/hpv/hpv-and-cancer-info

18 11 2014
temmy

tnx so much admin….am really grateful

18 11 2014
Editor

You are welcome Temmy, any time. You have my best wishes. May God bless you

17 11 2014
jane

I thank God 4 my life and I also thank God that am still a virgin (I believe in God). I love this story. Am 17

17 11 2014
Editor

Thank you Jane for blessing us all with your life. Yours is a pure and lilly white virginity, a gift to the man who will be father to your beautiful children after a fairytale white wedding filled with roses and attended by the angels and great multitude of people. And as you grow into a ripe woman of 18, let your virginity shine, lighting the path for many broken, raped and abused young girls.

17 11 2014
temmy

Tnx so much…am really grateful
Buh d oath was a blood oath nt an ordinary mouth talk…dey cut themselves wit blade nd sucked each odaz blood…placin a curse on it
Am scared seriously!!!

17 11 2014
Editor

Thank God she did not get HIV/AIDS or some other serious infection from sucking that creeps blood. Other than that, there is nothing to worry about. The only thing close to a blood oath is that made between husband and wife in a valid marriage. The scripture says, for this a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two will become one flesh. Thus what God has put together, let no man put asunder.” It was not God that put your girl together with that tricky SOB. He was just a swindler picking on little girls. So nothing to be scared about Temmy. Man up and take care of your future wife and help undo the hurt and pain that moron had caused her. LOVE HER

17 11 2014
temmy

dere is dis girl i knw also her former bf …infact her former bf was my junior in skul..
I knew d both of dem well….dey shared deir secrets wit me..d day dey had deir first sex i knew…d guy tuk d girl’s virginity..it was more lyk a rape..d girl had an abortion….tins led to anoda nd dey broke up….to cut d long story short…am in love wit dis girl nd we hv started datin for more dan a mnth…d girl jxt opened up to me dah her n her former bf took an oath nd dey had sex a lot of times…th0 she said she surrendered her body jxt twice ….i love her n wish to marry her buh i jxt cnt stand d fact dat she has bin used…sumtyms i feel stupid for fallin in love wit her….d main tin is i dnt knw wat to do anymore…if i leave her i will b totally messed up buh i cnt stand d fact dah she has bin used…wat shld i do plz???
n if i leave her shez gonna commit suicide coz she almost did dat wen d first guy broke up wit her n if she kills herself…her blood is on my neck coz i av assured her of nt leavin her…n hw can d oath btw dem b broken???
pls advice me!!!

17 11 2014
Editor

Temmy, Temmy listen to me, the oath between the girl you love and the lousy chap was just a cheap trick the chap used to take advantage of the poor girl. Don’t pay any attention to it. Forget it. It doesn’t mean anything. Yes, it appears your girl has been badly abused. Raped you say! that is very sad. Now, you must put everything behind you and help your girl. I am so sorry she had an abortion. That was a child, a innocent human being killed. I think she is hurting badly. I am not surprised she wants to kill herself. Girls who have been used like she has, and had the tragedy of having an abortion, often go into clinical depression. It is very hard for them. Please show her some sweet tender care and compassion. She has been used. Let her know that you are there for her. it may be wise to encourage her to speak with a priest or a psychologist. Girls who have gone through such horrible experiences often need professional help. She will surely need some guidance and counselling. You need to understand that she has been hurt badly. The only way to help her now is to do the opposite. Love her, love her with all your heart, don’t take advantage of her anymore. Show her what true love is, help her to forget that beast, that predator, who treated her so shamefully. Show her what it is to be a real man. Real men wait till marriage for sex, they are protectors not predators. Yes, real men protect their girlfriend, wife or mother. Real men don’t take advantage of girls. Buy her flowers, tell her you love her many times a day, to make up for the what that brute has done to her. Remember that a broken pot can be mended and often appears more beautiful. And when the time comes, marry her and she will bear you many strong children who will carry your name on forever.

16 11 2014
Usman ibrahim muhammad

Sexuality in early age when the body development and child bearing organs are nt fuly develop ,the teenage is vulnarable to some health issues v.c.f etc

16 11 2014
justhere

I was molested at age 13…I have every single one of these problems that you talk about now…but there isn’t purity in God because where the hell was that bastard when Me or any girl is molested or raped (same goes for men). I have learned to move past all of it. Depression is in the mind, just a roadblock that you can get around. Eventually if you find the right guy you shouldn’t have to bond with him sexually. Your bond, while physical, should also be stronger and deeper than sex. A bond over friendship and the sharing of ones life with another. A bond over your children that you may eventually have. This article while correct in some retrospect also does not paint a full picture. Life is a force, a constant moving thing, and one should not let one thing in their life hold them back from the rest of their lives. Let them find solace within themselves.

16 11 2014
Editor

Dear Justhere, Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry that you were molested at 13. Yes, why did God allow this evil to happen: I have here some quotation from Dr Kreeft, perhaps it might help you find meaning: According to Dr.Kreeft, “The problem of evil is the most serious problem in the world. It is also the one serious objection to the existence of God.
If God is so good, why is his world so bad? If an all-good, all-wise, all-loving, all-just, and all-powerful God is running the show, why does he seem to be doing such a miserable job of it? Why do bad things happen to good people?
C. S. Lewis recalls that as an atheist he “did not believe God existed. I was also very angry with him for not existing. I was also angry with him for having created the world.”
First, evil is not a thing, an entity
No, evil is not a thing but a wrong choice, or the damage done by a wrong choice.Second, the origin of evil is not the Creator but the creature’s freely choosing sin and selfishness, that is FREE WILL.
If the origin of evil is free will, and God is the origin of free will, isn’t God then the origin of evil? Only as parents are the origin of the misdeeds their children commit by being the origin of their children. The all-powerful God gave us a share in his power to choose freely. Would we prefer he had not and had made us robots rather than human beings?
The question is how do we resolve the problem of evil?
It is the Son. God’s solution to the problem of evil is his Son Jesus Christ. The Father’s love sent his Son to die for us to defeat the power of evil in human nature: that’s the heart of the Christian story. We do not worship a deistic God, an absentee landlord who ignores his slum; we worship a garbageman God who came right down into our worst garbage to clean it up. How do we get God off the hook for allowing evil? God is not off the hook; God is the hook. That’s the point of a crucifix. The Cross is God’s part of the practical solution to evil. Our part, according to the same Gospel, is to repent, to believe, and to work with God in fighting evil by the power of love

But again, who’s to say suffering is all bad? Life without it would produce spoiled brats and tyrants, not joyful saints. Rabbi Abraham Heschel says simply, “The man who has not suffered, what can he possibly know, anyway?” Suffering can work for the greater good of wisdom. It is not true that all things are good, but it is true that “all things work together for good to those who love God.”
Then agian, who’s to say we have to know all God’s reasons? Who ever promised us all the answers? Animals can’t understand much about us; why should we be able to understand everything about God? The obvious point of the Book of Job, the world’s greatest exploration of the problem of evil, is that we just don’t know what God is up to. What a hard lesson to learn: Lesson One, that we are ignorant, that we are infants! No wonder Socrates was declared by the Delphic Oracle to be the wisest man in the world. He interpreted that declaration to mean that he alone knew that he did not have wisdom, and that was true wisdom for man.
God has let us know a lot. He has lifted the curtain on the problem of evil with Christ. There, the greatest evil that ever happened, both the greatest spiritual evil and the greatest physical evil, both the greatest sin (deicide) and the greatest suffering (perfect love hated and crucified), is revealed as his wise and loving plan to bring about the greatest good, the salvation of the world from sin and suffering eternally. There, the greatest injustice of all time is integrated into the plan of salvation that Saint Paul calls “the righteousness (justice) of God”. Love finds a way. Love is very tricky. But love needs to be trusted.
The worst aspect of the problem of evil is eternal evil, hell. Does hell not contradict a loving and omnipotent God? No, for hell is the consequence of free will. We freely choose hell for ourselves; God does not cast anyone into hell against his will. If a creature is really free to say yes or no to the Creator’s offer of love and spiritual marriage, then it must be possible for the creature to say no. And that is what hell is, essentially”
http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/evil.htm

14 11 2014
Ihezuo thonia

Today which is 14 of nov.am 18 n still a vigin n hope to keep it till i see de right.

14 11 2014
Editor

Congratulation Ihezuo Thonia, on your 18 years of life. The man who will eventually marry you will be eternally grateful to you for your steadfast love. He will be glad to know that the mother of his future children was beyond reproach and your children will bless you for having save them from shame. Bravo brave one, you will be amply rewarded.

13 11 2014
paul

How can I aviod sex until I get marreid

14 11 2014
Editor

Paul, it is hard but can be done. One thing you need to do is to gaurd your eyes and your senses. Don’t watch tv’s shows that display carnality and sex. Keep your head in your study and try to learn a skill. Those who steep themselves in sex images on tv or the internet should not be surprised to find themselves harassed and tormented because the sex appetite is like a roaring lion, once roused it devours. Use your time well, do a lot o sport and watch the kind of novels and magazines you read. It is better not to read than read trash. Then ask God to help you. He will

22 10 2014
Mody

I’ve took a girl virginity. .. I loved her … A lottttttt
But the problem is she create problems and alot of fake stories to leave me and but the blame on me ..
As we are both Muslim it’s a big thing and it’s like sin but if my mind is go on the right way I don’t think that I’m doing bad .. I loved her a lot and promise her to marry her um 23 and she’s 20 but still act like teenager .
I don’t know what to do with her …. If I leave her she gonna blame me to take her virginity and if I’m keep wid her she going to keep her way to trying to keep me out of her life. ..
I know what is going to happened if her parents know and might be a problem and will end with force her to marry me …. I think it will like that after marriage and I don’t know why she turn on me like that but I think 90 percent that she loved another guy
I swear I love her and try my best to keep good with her but I got no ideas left to do wid her
P.s. We stay like 3 years so far and I took her virginity like 3 months ago but I still love her a lot
Please advice me ….

22 10 2014
Editor

Ok, Mody, listen. True love is always forever. If you really love this girl you will marry her and help her become the kind of woman you want. Being a Muslim, you know what it means to take a woman’s virginity, it means you are consummated for life, this means that the two of you are united for life..for another life. Yes, another life may even now as we speak be developing in her womb, your child. Even if she is not yet pregnant, she is yours and you are hers…Catholics call it “becoming one flesh.” So do the right thing and marry her! By taking her virginity, you are already united with her. …unless of course you do not love her and would not want to marry her or she, you. Now that is another matter altogether. Were such to be the case, you need to stop sleeping with her immediately and pray that she is not pregnant and ask God’s forgiveness. If she is pregnant, then she must have the baby and you must accept and take care of the child financially and take care of her financially also. Do not, I repeat, do not consider aborting the baby that would be criminal, it would be killing your own son…or daughter. In summary, the best thing is for the two of you to get married and settle down to a nice loving family life. Thank you.

17 10 2014
Ndhlovu J

Hi Annah. Indeed thr r many girls in yo shoes n I thank God tht u have been able 2 realise n learn from yo mstek in lyf whch most pipo fail 2 do. “Provided we repent, God will be there to welcome us home and let us start over (see John 8 and Luke 15).” True 2 ths fact z tht th God who created us z able 2 recreat us, our part z 2 commit ourselves to His Lordship. May God continue 2 direct yo path even as others learn frm yo experience.

19 09 2014
choice

i really like this n i pray that God will 4give us all 4 our sins n pray that we have that spirit of endurance

8 09 2014
Joseph ssemanda

its crystal clear dt sex is not love thnx b 2 God dt u finally joined a humble path.

24 08 2014
Anonymous

thank you

15 06 2014
tom

Im dating this great girl. She is 16 and i am 17.we both virgins. We have been dating for a year now.i really love her but she takes me for granted and hardly gives me attention.My friends tld me that to get a girl to love you and treat you right you have to sleep with her becuz sex wld make her addicted to you.i went online finding out if first time gets the girl emotionally attached and here i am..i love her and dnt want her to go through all these so im rethinking my decision. But since there is an alternative for everything. How can get her to emotionally feel bonded to me without sex? Thanks

15 06 2014
Editor

Thank you for writing in Tom, I am sure you are a very strong man and strong men don’t take just any advice. Believe me you are far more precious to your girl for respecting her and not taking advantage of her. You are both young and there will be a lot of time for sexual intimacy when you are married. Sex is pretty serious thing and getting involved in it could bring trouble. For one she could get pregnant and then lot of problem could arise: Protect her and be there for her when she needs you. Let her know that you are capable of self restraint. Women love man who are masters of themselves and who don’t take advantage. Be her guardian and keep her safe. Love grows with time and especially when she realizes that you are not after her for sex, but because you really love her. Read this article and see how a woman should be treated in a relationship in other to win her love https://afterjujuman.wordpress.com/2013/08/23/my-advice-to-married-couples-after-divorcing-my-wife-of-16-years-by-gerald-rogers/

4 07 2014
Helpme

I would like to thank you for sincerely response and not judge me from what I have done …….. It would be really hard to do what it right…… But man love only the virgin girl while I not anymore …I don’t have confident to start new life or even find someone to love because I feel that I not deserve being love from my worse action …….
I don’t know I still have future ahead of me or not …. Or I would end up being alone forever ….. So what else I can do for this life ???

4 07 2014
Editor

It is my pleasure HelpMe to help you. I don’t judge nor condemn you my good friend, rather I respect and admire you for wanting to come out of this hopeless situation. I think you are a very strong and brave woman. It is not true, men love women who are brave, strong and willing to forget the past and face the future with courage. You need not tell anyone your past life, just put it behind you. Know one really cares about your past, what they care about is your present, your future. You will be a very loving wife and mother just forget the past and move on to your bright future. Yes, you have a bright future ahead

4 07 2014
helpingpeople2266

Dear tom

As you seen my comment
You seen that I not good girl but I would like to reply your question
Please don’t have sex with her …. First time for girl is very important ……. If you love her you need to respect her …… As long as you love , care and respect she will return it ….

12 06 2014
lilify

In simple words all your stories inspire me to be a better version of myself. Thank you

12 06 2014
Editor

Thanks for the compliment Lilify, we are here to serve you

20 05 2014
livres

I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This article posted at this web page is genuinely good.

4 05 2014
dezray

When u feel like u have met Mr right. Don’t worry nobody is forcing u its ur choice

24 03 2014
Eliza

Wow! That’s a wonderful story Mike, and you are a real man. May God bless you for your kindness and empathy. You probable saved you wife’s life.

24 03 2014
Mike

My wife gave her virginity at age 16 to a guy who was her friend. She rushed into bed on their 3rd date and from that point on he only saw her once a month and only for sex. She thought it would bring him closer but it did just the opposite. She accepted his lies and excuses for not being with her. Her attitude had turned negitive and girlfriend kept telling her to dump the dude. For a year she put up with little just to be inline with many girls her age who had boyfriend and enjoying sex. She got caught up with the idea that she had to work to keep the idea or reason for giving her virginity away to the wrong guy. When he refused to take her to get prom my wife’s emotion became stale and emotionless but she saw him once a month for sex. When we met I told her I would be happy to be her partner at her prom. Her not being a virgin was not an issue. After our first date she never saw the other fellow again. I won her with love. We waited a few months to have sex and six months later we were engaged. We dated 5 years and we both graduated college we got married. Been so for 19 years.

25 02 2014
me

Nice! It is hard to explain this easy. Specially the tape example. Thanks.

26 02 2014
Editor

You are welcome, Me. Yes, the tape example really makes it clear why people with multiple sex partners cant have a committed relationship later when they want. It is also symbolic the way it spread STD’s also.

3 07 2014
Helpme

I’m from South East Asia where sex before married consider as immorality act…. However I really bad person that I did it without any shame with my teacher in University whom having three kids…….(not clear with divorce…..just heard from others)
First we start with chatting through the online and I was his student who chat for asking question but then I start to having feeling for him then I told him that ……. He teach me about adult relationship like emotional and physical …… Yes about masturbation and sex ….. He said that it so normal for human to need it …… And all relationship need this kind of intimacy ……. I don’t know whether I crazy that I believe in every word and willing to do anything that could keep him around as I seem to know that he like to talk mostly about sex and want to have sex …… In my head I only know that if I not having sex with him I will no longer able to connect with him……… And thinking about this for months then I still end up sleeping with him……( lost my first time)………… I feel so regret but I still love this man and don’t want him in ignoring me…… I don’t know why I just can’t end with him even I know that he not love me , he only need me for sex and no future……. Does it because I already have sex with him that why I can’t stop this connection ? Or I feel insecure ……. I really don’t know what I should do now…….

Please kindly help me……. I don’t have anyone to share this with ……… I think I should suicide since I too dirty body and mind….. Who can love me again?……..

3 07 2014
Editor

Hello Helpme, I am here to help you. First, I think you are a very smart person. You have discovered why it is you give in to this person who is older and from what you say is simply taking advantage of you. My advice to you is speak with your parents or a relative so they can take appropriate actions against this Teacher who I believe is doing something very improper and illegal. He could go to jail for what he is doing- taking advantage of his students.

3 07 2014
Editor

Please, Helpme, taking your own life is not the solution, makes things worse because then you would break the heart of all those who love you. Yes, many many people love you. I for one and Jesus. Rather, help many girls by breaking out of this slavery which this teacher had put you into. Stop seeing him, delete his number, don’t pick his calls, you will see how you get over him once time passes. Don’t pick his call, change your phone and never see him again. Then you will begin to be beautiful. Once you can do this, begin to make friend with other people, learn to love work, family, clean fun. Don’t watch pornography, then turn and ask God to give you someone who really loves you and will marry you. Try it you will see. I will pray for you. you will see.

4 12 2013
pam

pls help I lost ma viginity when I was 20 a few months ago I meet a guy I really liked we startd having sex then I missed ma periods he was so nt supportive his mind was on another gal so I decided to stp seeing him but now I find ma self missing him a lot and trying 2 find sum1 to replace him I feel vulnerable and lonely advise pls

5 12 2013
Editor

Dear Pam, I am pleased to meet you. Thank you for telling us your story. There are litterally millions of young girls in your shoes. Someone told me that the modern day relationship goes like this: “First there’s the hook-up, then liquor, and then sex all based on momentary attraction. The next stage is the dumping: the male disentangles himself from the perceived “clinginess” of the female’s attempt at emotional involvement.
Having sex at the age of 20 is not only risky but inadvisable, you could easily ruin your life that way, you could get pregnant or even get the deadly HIV/AIDS. The best thing you could do for yourself is to concentrate on your studies if you are a student, get a job, and if a man you love comes arround, get married. Never give a man the joy of knowing your intimate parts without the corresponding commitment of marrying you. In a word live modesty
Modesty is woman’s natural defense when it is respected by society. Modesty gave women the right to withhold themselves from men with dishonorable intentions, and in turn forced men to make themselves worthy of the women they desired. In a nutshell, modesty brings out the best in everyone. Modest women live in a way that makes womanliness more a transcendent, implicit quality than a crude, explicit quality.” Womanliness enhanced by modesty becomes as intriguing as the Sphinx, in which a Mona Lisa smile far out-shines a silicone-enhanced D-cup. In turn, this has serious — and positive — implications for male character. Female modesty elicits a reciprocal response from men, enticing them to become gentlemen, behave honorably, and develop the manly virtues deserving of a woman’s body and soul, especially chastity, protectiveness, and gentleness. Modesty is ultimately more erotic than licentiousness. Men are more excited, by the twinkling eyes behind the veil and the slender ankle peeking out from the long skirt than they are by casually exposed body parts and effortless conquests in the sack. That is my advice to you Pam

4 09 2014
Anonymous

I agree. The same thing happened to me. I gave him my all for nothing because at the end he wanted to sleep around

4 07 2014
helpingpeople2266

You could read my question below
That I have connection with my university teacher ….. As new in adult life
I learn a lot from him about human behaviors that they live with each other till the day they can’t live together like they cherish the time they had ……..
He ask me out to have sex then when I say no he say that he can’t continue connection with me because he is human being and relationship start from emotional to physical and that the reason he can’t connect with me……. As I really love him …. I don’t want to lose him …… Yes I can’t deny the feel of having sex with him that I also feel good especially I love him……. Then after sleeping together he not even allow me to call or see him ….. Everyday he busy and when I ask him what we are …… He say he can’t answer it ……. I feel so bad and I can’t forgive myself for being so foolish around this …….. I can’t blame him cos I the one who agree to do it even the reason is I love him……. He will angry if I say that he take advantage of me….. He can stop connection so easy and don’t even understand my feeling …….. I don’t want to lose him ….. I scare he will hate me and he will look down on me …… Maybe he the first guy I slept with that why I can’t make strong decision to leave him……….
I regret in sleeping with him but it already done and nothing can change it ….. I live in ashame while he lives so easy life ……….. I hate myself ……

In conclusion I want to tell you that you can forget that guy and live happy life
I guess you not from the country that sex before married determine as immoral and non virgin girl will be look down when they marry…… So you have more chance than me to make fresh start with your life …….
Best wish for you

7 12 2014
Anonymous

We as women have to lov our self first n let god do the rest we can’t lov men first (GOD)

29 10 2013
lizzy tembo

Am touched with these story,I will keep mine till married

29 05 2015
Anonymous

hopefully he keeps his too. otherwise blame it on Obama

16 10 2013
Anonymous

Wow so very true girl wat else can I say u it the nail right on the head with ur views

11 10 2013
Benjamin Ansah

I’m a boy of 21 years of age now.I did this to my first true love when i was at the age of 19 and she was at the age of 18.We began sexual act when she was at the age of 16.Aftes sometime i left her but at the end,i wanted her back in my life.I was worrying because i did not want her to have sex with other guys.I regret whatever i did and i want to make her happy now that i have realised my mistakes and learning from it.I have promised not to have sex with her until marriage time emerges.Please,i need advice.

11 10 2013
Editor

Well, Benjamin, first let me congratulate you for making a clean breast of this. You can be sure you have already began healing because honesty is the beginning of every lasting healing. Second, you words show you are truly sorry and willing to make up for wrongs you have done to this girl. That is good but you have to try to find her and apologize, ask her forgiveness if this is possible. Lastly, I see that you have matured from an amorous 19 year old to a MAN. That is commendable, I can also see you love this girl, so find her and do the only thing that is right. Marry her.

8 10 2013
Victoria

Nice write up, if only we will learn from it.

29 09 2013
Joseph Echendu

This is good,I wish girls would grow up

21 09 2013
Sandra

Never, never again.

21 09 2013
Sade

If I had read this a year ago, I would not have been in the mess I am right now.

21 09 2013
Editor

Sade, it’s never too late to begin again. I believe Anna’s story should spur those in similar situation, those whose love life is one selfish encounter after another, to wake up and start all over again. That’s what I take away from this story.

12 11 2014
rawr

It kinda is. She can still find a decent guy but the higher value a man the less tolerance he has for his potential wife’s promiscuity, unless she’s literally the best he thinks he can get.

13 01 2015
Anonymous

Yes I agree girls should learn to respect themselves have dignity and love for themselves I suggest that u wait for the right time and for the right guy

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