Lying
In the area of lying, most men do alright when it comes to blatantly fabricating pieces of information. But it is the more insidious lying that is harder to master. In our looks, in our tone, in what parts of a story we leave in and what parts we leave out, we may still be being dishonest. I often hear someone say, “No I didn’t lie to him. I just didn’t tell him everything that happened.” This is still a lie.
Lying is easy to rationalize, especially when telling the truth will bring upon us negative consequences. But we must strive for complete honesty. If you start telling small lies, it becomes easier to rationalize the bigger ones. And if you are almost always honest, and yet are caught but once in a lie, people will question both your past actions and your future remarks. You integrity and trustworthiness will have been effectively shot.
But what about lies to preserve people’s feelings?
This is the age old question. What do you say when your wife asks you if she looks fat in something, and she does? How about if she gets a horrendous haircut and she wants to know if you like it? If you are breaking up with a woman and it’s because she is annoying or shallow, should you tell her the truth?
Telling these “white lies” present sticky judgment calls. The right answer varies from situation to situation. A certain amount of white lying is necessary to maneuver at home, in society, and in the workplace. But in general I recommend erring on the side of honesty. I personally tend to be honest to a fault. Sometimes it gets me trouble, but generally it has won me the respect of my peers. The problem with telling white lies is that while they may flatter a person in the short term, they hurt the person in the long term. Take the example of the bad haircut. If everyone tells a woman that it looks fantastic, she will keep on getting the same horrendous haircut. If you tell a woman you are breaking up with that “its not you, its me,” when it really is her, you deprive that woman of a chance for evaluating how she might change that flaw. But I can say unequivocally that if you wife asks you if she looks fat, you should always answer no. Even if she begs you to be honest. It is a trap.
Finally, it should be noted that some people use the cloak of honesty as an excuse to deliver callous and cutting remarks. When questioned they say, “Well, I am just being honest!” That may be true, but there is often no need to pipe in if your opinion is not expressly solicited. Use sound judgment and be a gentleman
Authors-choice: Hope & Revival 