A Paralyzed Woman on The Front Line

31 07 2013

A Paralyzed Woman On The Front Lines

Every morning Connie opens Diane’s door to begin the long routine of exercising and bathing her severely paralyzed friend. She has to be fed everything, pushed everywhere. The creeping limitations of multiple sclerosis encroach further each year; her fingers are curled and rigid.The sun’s rays slant through the blinds, washing the room in a soft, golden glow. The folds of the covers haven’t moved since Connie pulled them up around Diane the night before. Yet she can tell her friend has been awake for awhile.
“Are you ready to get up yet?”
“No…not yet,” comes the weak reply from under the covers.
Connie sighs, smiles and clicks shut the door.
The story is the same each dawn of every new day at Connie and Diane’s apartment. The routine rarely changes. Sunrise stretches into mid-morning, by the time Diane is ready to sit up in her wheel chair. But those long hours in bed are significant.
In her quiet sanctuary, Diane turns her head slightly on the pillow toward the corkboard on the wall. Her eyes scan each thumb-tacked card and pieces of paper carefully pinned in a row.
The stillness is broken as Diane begins to murmur. She is praying. She moves mountains that block the paths of missionaries. She helps open the eyes of the spiritually blind in southeast Asia. She pushes back the kingdom of darkness that blackens the alleys and streets of gangs in east LA. She aids the homeless mothers…single parents…abused children…despondent teenagers…handicapped boys…and dying and forgotten old people in the nursing home down the street where she lives.
Diane is on the front lines, advancing the gospel of Christ, holding up weak saints, inspiring doubting believers, energizing other prayer warriors, and delighting her Lord and Savior. This meek and quiet woman sees her place in the world; it doesn’t matter that others may not recognize her significance in the grand scheme of things…
Some would look at Diane—stiff and motionless—and shake their heads. People might look at her and say, “What a shame. Her life has no meaning. She can’t really do anything. But Diane is confident, convinced that the Merciful Heart of Jesus cannot but hear her prayers, her labors of love.

 





I love it when your mom kiss you on the cheek

12 07 2013

I love it when your mom kiss you on the cheek

A young married couple was in a terrible traffic accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. Fortunately, it was compatible with hers.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks, because it was so soft and smooth. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new look. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about it.
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice, since he had gone through considerable pain and was not able to sit down for several weeks after the operation. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”
“My darling,” he replied with a smile, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

 





How To Win Secret Points That Make Your Spouse Happy

9 07 2013

how to make your spouse happy

For a thousand years, married couples have tried to understand themselves  without success. Today, we are glad to announce that it is now possible. Reading The  WOMEN’s secret list, all men can understand why their wives treat them the way they do (please find below and don’t fail to read the rules). We are grateful to the female turncoat who passed it to us.

Rules

Remember, just one rule applies: Make your wife happy. If you do something she likes, you get points. If you do something she dislikes, points are subtracted. If your point total is positive, she will be happy. If it is negative, she will be unhappy. If she is unhappy, you will also be unhappy. Remember this. If your point total is zero, the expectant and very attentive gaze that so many men hate will dominate your life. Oh, there is one more little thing: You don’t get any points for doing something nice that she expects you to do.

The List

At a Party

• You stay by her side the entire party: +10
• You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old college drinking buddy: -2
• Named Tiffany: -10
• Who is an “exotic dancer:” -25
• With implants: -75

Birthdays and Anniversaries
• You remember her birthday or your anniversary: +3
• You buy a card and flowers: +10
• You give her a gift: 0 (remember, you’re expected to do this)
• You give her a gift, and it’s small appliance: -10
• You give her a gift, and it’s not a small appliance: +1
• You give her a gift, and it’s not chocolate: +2
• You give her a gift that you’ll be paying off for months: +30
• You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
• With her credit card: -30
• At the nearest 7-11: -40
• And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -50
• Two sizes too small: +200
• You take her out to dinner: 0
• You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar: +10
• Okay, it’s a sports bar named Bo’s Belly Barn: -10
• And it’s all you can eat night: -15
• It’s a sports bar named Bo’s Belly Barn, where you both eat at the all you can eat bar, and e place just coincidentally happens to be featuring a game involving your favorite team, d you paint your face the colors of this team, and you get stupid drunk: -50
• You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player: +10
• You go to a nice, pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing: +15
• And you stink: +12
• And you are not half bad: +25

Thoughtfulness
• You buy her flowers only when it’s expected: 0
• You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the heck of it: +5
• You give her wildflowers you’ve actually picked yourself: +10
• And she contracts Lyme disease: -25
• You forget to pick her up at the bus station after she visits her mother: 15
• The bus station is in Newark, New Jersey: -25
• When it is pouring rain: -35
• Which dissolves her leg cast: -50

A Night Out with the Boys
• You go out with a pal: -2
• The pal is happily married: +1
• With kids: +1 per kid
• The pal is single: -5
• He drives a Ferrari: -10
• With a personalized license plate that reads GR8NBED: -15
• You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle while wearing a toilet seat around your neck: -20
• You have lots of drinks and vaguely remember a ride in the back of an unfamiliar car with uniformed men, and being fingerprinted: -35
• Is that a tattoo???: -200

A Night Out with Her
• You take her to see a movie: +2
• You take her to see a movie she likes: +4
• You take her to see a movie you hate: +6
• You take her to see a movie you like: -2
• Which is called “Death Cop III: Bone Storm:” 12
• Which features cyborgs that eat people after horribly mangling them: -20
• And you told her it was a foreign language film about war orphans and nuns: -50

Saturday Afternoon
• You go to the mall together: +3
• You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car: +4
• You go to the mall, drop her at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar: -2
• You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it: +3
• You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den: +15
• Or refinishing the floors: +20
• Or rewiring the basement: +25
• Or adding a second floor: +50
• Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket: 6
• And you are tickled pink about it: -15
• You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear: -6
• And you didn’t even go to college: -10

Grooming and Exercise
• You trim your nails: +5
• You trim your nails in the living room: -10
• You trim your nails and flick them at the cat: -15
• You trim your nails by biting them and then spitting them at the cat: -25
• You shave on the weekends: +2
• You don’t shave on the weekends: -4
• You don’t bathe on the weekends: -8
• But then, neither does she: +8
• You develop a noticeable pot belly: -15
• You develop a noticeable pot belly and diligently exercise to get rid of it: +20
• You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts to cover it up: -30
• You point at her and say, “Hey, look! Twins!” -800

The Baby
• You offer to feed and change the baby, but immediately fall back asleep: -5
• You actually feed and change the baby in the middle of the night: +5
• You feed the baby and clean her up, but forget to put a new diaper on her: -10
• You accidentally put beer in the baby’s bottle, thereby guaranteeing a good night’s sleep for the whole family: -0.1
• You put the baby out and feed and change the cat: -50

The Car
• You keep your car, minivan or pickup truck reasonably clean and gassed up, with the tires properly inflated and all necessary fluids at their proper levels: +5/week
• Your car, minivan or pickup truck is so filthy that she can’t find the shift knob and can hardly see out of the windows, plus the carpet is so grungy you could cut it up and feed the dog with it: 10/week
• You make sure there are barely enough fumes in the car to make it to the nearest gas station: -1
• Your car conks out at the side of the road and you fix the problem immediately: +10
• Your car conks out at the side of the road and you mess around under the hood without a clue as to what you are doing for two full hours, and finally use her cell phone to call a tow truck:- 25
• You have personally tuned and upgraded your car to the point where it can reach sixty miles per hour in five seconds flat, but you don’t know how to fix the dishwasher when it goes on the blink: -15
• Your car’s transmission conks out, you pull it out and disassemble it, but leave the whole thing in the bathtub: -50
• There are dead cars in your driveway or front yard: 5 per car per week
• There is a dead school bus in your driveway or front yard: -50 per week
• You lose the directions on a road trip: -4
• You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
• You end up getting lost in a really bad part of town: -15
• And meet the locals up close and personal: -25
• And she finds out you lied about having a black belt:- 60

The Dreaded Question: “Am I Gaining Weight?”
• You answer “absolutely not, you are the same slim girl you were when we were dating:” -5, because she knows you are lying, but it is a nice lie
• You hesitate before responding: -10
• You ask “Where?:” -35
• Any other response: -20 (as you can see, this is a always a no win situation for the husband)

When She Wants to Talk About Her Feelings or a Problem
• You listen, displaying a concerned expression: +2
• You listen for over 30 minutes: +5
• You relate to her problem and share a similar experience: +50
• You give her suggestions on how to fix her problem by adjusting her personality: -50
• Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying “Well, what do you think I should do?:” -10 to -20, depending on your answer
• You have fallen asleep: -50

Household Chores
• You make the bed: +1
• You make the bed, but forget to replace the decorative pillows: 0
• You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -1
• You wash the sheets and pillowcases: +5
• You sleep on the sheets until they are greasier than a slab of raw bacon: -10
• You do all of the dishes: +10
• You load up the dishwasher, but leave the greasy pots for her: -5
• You load up the dishwasher, but let the dog have his licks first: -25
• You leave the toilet seat up: -5
• You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty: +2
• When the toilet paper roll is empty, you resort to Kleenex or paper towels: -10
• When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom: 20
• You go out to buy her favorite ice cream in the middle of a snowstorm: +2
• But return with beer: 5
• And no ice cream: 25
• You check out a suspicious noise at night: +2
• You check out a suspicious noise and it is something: +5
• You pummel it with a baseball bat: +10
• It’s her cat: 40
• It’s her mother: 150

Disgusting Jobs
• You unclog a stopped up toilet: +6
• You clean out the refrigerator: +10
• You clean up cat, dog or human vomit or other bodily fluids: +7
• You get rid of a dead rodent: +8
• You visit her parents: +1
• You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
• You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
• And the television is off: -6
• You take her mother to see “Cats”: +350

And Now, It’s the Men’s Turn …

We always hear about the rules from the female side. Here are the rules from the men’s side. If you heed these rules, your man will be happy, and so will you.
Please note: These are all numbered “1” on purpose!

(1) Men are NOT mind readers.
(1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
(1) Sunday sports — It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
(1) Crying is blackmail.
(1) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints DO NOT WORK! Just SAY it!
(1) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
(1) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
(1) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
(1) If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. IT’S A TRAP!!!
(1) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
(1) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done — not both! If you already know how to do it, just do it yourself.
(1) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
(1) Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions — and neither do we.
(1) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve or puce is.
(1) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
(1) If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but it is just not worth the hassle trying to figure out what the hell it is.
(1) If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
(1) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine … Really!
(1) Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, cars or golf.
(1) You have enough clothes.
(1) You have too many shoes.
(1) I am in shape. Pear IS a shape!
(1) Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight — but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping!





The War on Girls: Oby-Gyns pushs IUDS on Teen Girls

21 06 2013

The War on Girls: Oby-Gyns pushs IUDS on Teen Girls

This week’s story is from a September 26 CNS article detailing an even more outrageous update to the guidelines of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists to make dangerous IUDs and hormonal implants the “first-line contraceptive options” for teen-aged girls, which should be “discussed at each doctor’s visit.” The updated guidelines recommend that doctors suggest these “longer term alternatives” that “can be left inserted inside a woman’s body and left in place for several years.” I am seriously beginning to question if the health and well-being of girls is of any concern to the population control people. Also, just who is in charge of our various medical associations? It appears that social agendas take precedent over patient care with these groups, at least when the patient in question is a girl. According to Dr Bill Toffler, professor of family medicine at Oregon Health and Science University, the devices this new update recommends in the Ob-Gyn guidelines are “… typically expensive, costing hundreds of dollars, although under the Affordable Care Act, minors will have access to IUDs and other contraceptives at no cost, and in some states will be able to receive them without parental consent. “The devices also release powerful hormones within the body and can lead to a significant risk of infection, especially during the early stages,” he said.

“Essentially, you’re putting a foreign body into a normally sterile cavity,” he explained. “In addition, one in every 1000 women who use an IUD will have their uterus perforated, potentially putting their future fertility at risk,” he said. Toffler warned that the promoters of the new guidelines “have thrown these concerns under the bus” in their zeal to reduce teenage pregnancy rates. However, their attempts to do so may actually contribute to teenagers having “less inhibition” about sex and engaging in increasing levels of risky behavior, he said. “People may be falsely reassured,” he explained, noting that with the average teenage relationship lasting only three months, many young people are already involved in numerous “fleeting” sexual relationships. In addition, Toffler said, the promotions of IUDs are misleading, and women are not properly informed about how they function. He explained that it is an undisputed fact that “one of the ways they work is to interfere with implantation,” thus ending the life of an already-created human embryo. Some women who think they are simply using a preventive form of contraception may not realize that the device is also an abortion-inducing agent, he observed. Toffler also said that he has had personal experience with women who became pregnant while using IUDs, posing a risk in removing the device. Such situations are also associated with higher proportions of ectopic pregnancies, which occur outside the womb and can be life-threatening for the mother. Thanks, Rebecca Hamilton bloging on http://www.patheos.com for sharing this story.

 





Bleak Stories Behind Failed Condom Lines

1 01 2012

Bleak stories behind failed condom campaigns

Sub-Saharan Africa has two-thirds of the world’s HIV/AIDS cases. So you would think that Western journalists and politicians might condescend to ask us what we think about how to fight AIDS. But they haven’t. A pity, because they would have found that many of us support Pope Benedict XVI’s scepticism about the effectiveness of distributing condoms. Read More

 








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