In the recent stories making waves, the model Fancy Acholonu said in an interview that she and her boyfriend, the actor Alex Ekubo, had never had sexual contact during their five-year relationship, setting off a media frenzy. Predictably, her comment produced a wave of conjecture, criticism, and allegation rather than praise for the couple’s wisdom, nobility, and self-control in not engaging in sexual activity before marriage. People in today’s sexualized culture who apparently have trouble wrapping their heads around the ideas of sexual purity and abstinence have even speculated that Alex might be a secret homosexual.
There are numerous reasons why someone might choose not to have pre-marital sex. In an article titled, 10 Benefits of Remaining a Virgin Until Marriage, Nancy Hanna claims that there are ten solid reasons not to engage in premarital sex, one of which is the avoidance of serious sexually transmitted diseases (STD) such as HIV/AIDS, Human papillomavirus (HPV) and many more. Doubtless, premarital sex has been shown to increase the risk of contracting one of the many venereal diseases that are prevalent today, as well as losing fertility. People who engage in premarital sex are more likely to contract STDs because premarital sex has been linked to sexual promiscuity. Consequently, Anna Kemarch argues in her article 16 Lessons I Learned After Losing My Virginity at 16 that couples who engage in premarital sex have a higher rate of promiscuity and are more likely to have more sexual partners than couples who do not, increasing the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. In addition to HIV/AIDS, other harmful, incurable, and disfiguring diseases, such as herpes, which has a cure, can be contacted. Anna claims that the only foolproof way to avoid STDs is to be faithful to one partner in marriage.
Even more forcefully, Maureen Abah argues in an article titled, 10 Reasons I’m Glad I Kept My Virginity Until Marriage, that abstaining from premarital sex allows both parties in the relationship to be clear-sighted and objective in the relationship, whereas sexual intimacy clouds the vision and can create unhealthy emotional attachment in an abusive relationship. She contends that couples in sex-free relationships are often more free to consider whether to continue the relationship than couples in sexual relationships, which strongly enslave them to prolong an unhealthy relationship based on physical attraction or the need for security. She goes on to say that people who are having sex may feel “trapped” in a relationship that they want to end but can’t find a way out of simply because they are infatuated with the sex they are having or they feel that they have given away far too much of themselves and are ashamed and lost. On the other hand, someone who hasn’t had sex can more easily break the emotional bond with the other because there hasn’t been such powerful physical intimacy. Furthermore, if the woman becomes pregnant, neither partner feels as free to decide to separate, marry, go to work, and so on.
Indeed, Alex and Fancy are able to walk away from their relationship with fewer regrets because they were not having sex, and perhaps that why they are able to do so now easily without bitterness. Indeed, Maureen argues that there is more than twice the physical aggression among couples having premarital sex together without any commitment than among married couples. There is less jealousy and less selfishness in dating couples who decide to postpone sexual activity than in those who are driven by passion. Maureen gives the example of a friend who decided to end her relationship with a guy with whom she had sex, and the guy went to town bragging about how many times he had her and so on. Break-ups and the resulting pain are more intense when sex is involved. This is highlighted by the recent case of Empress Njamah’s ex-fiancé, who decided to start releasing nude pictures of her after they broke up. According to reports, Empress Njamah’s boyfriend, George “Baby Brother” Wade, decided to blackmail her by creating a WhatsApp group to which he added multiple people and began posting naked videos of her in her home. He has even threatened her with more, and as things stand, Empress may have to resort to lawsuits to end the humiliation, aside from the embarrassment of having her nude all over social media. More humiliation is on the way, since he has threatened it, and Empress may have to resort to legal action to stop it.
And for those who are making flippant comments about Alex and Fancy’s decision to avoid premarital sex, it is unfortunate that premarital sex has become the norm rather than the exception when it was once the exception.
In conclusion, Fancy Acholonu should be grateful that she and Alex never had premarital sex because there is no doubt that when you have not been sexually intimate and decide to break up, the separation is less devastating. Relationships based on sexual gratification are quite ephemeral and transient, and, as we have seen, there are quite a number of credible reasons for avoiding premarital sexual encounters. A few odd years ago, it was assumed by everyone that couples who are dating are clean and noble and avoid sex.
Article by
Chinwuba Iyizoba
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