Authors-choice: Hope & Revival

In today’s sexually permissive world, hardly have people met but they already thinking of having sex yet there are people who sincerely value sex, and know that it is best within a lifelong commitment of marriage and would like to keep their virginity till their wedding night as a special gift to their husband’s and future father of their children but they find themselves pressured, seduced, tempted and literally forced to give it. This is the case of 21 year old, Caroline, a tall, a good looking girl with large dark eyes and full lips; she is madly in love with Mike, athletic and intelligent, and handsome in mischievous but Mike wants sex. She puts it this way:

My advice to Carol is to think about the other girls who were part of Mike’s past sexual experiences what happened to them? Why did he ditch them? Perhaps they have given him sex made him happy and now he has left them. Same would happen to her if he gets the sex he wants from her. Furthermore, Mike is sweet and charming because that how he attracts girls, and she is attracted to him because he is sweet and nice, but she better beware, for it soon wears thin.

Similarly, Carol thinks that she really loves him, but the question is does he really love her? If he does, then what is he waiting for? Why does he not propose to her and let them get married? If he does not, then they are both wasting each other’s time, and worse she could get hurt.

In addition, when she tells him that she is not ready for sex, and he says she should let someone who loves her disvirgin her, meaning that she should let him do it. So Mike here isn’t proposing but wants her virginity. Rob Kowalski in his blog on 10 reasons not to have sex before marriage says that people find it difficult to understand “no sex before marriage” but when you say no “sex before love” they get it, but then how do people know they love each other? The answer would be if they want to marry each other. If a Mike truly loves Carol the only proof of that is that he would want to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her, if he is doe not, then he is simply lusting after her body and he would be done with her as soon as he has had his satisfaction and that is the truth, any other way you look at it is a lie. Now the funny thing is that we human have a high tendency to deceive ourselves, to believe even  lies so that we get what we went, it is easy to believe or make ourselves believe that someone loves us, but the only way to find out if what is believe is true is to test it. Thus if Mike says to Carol, “Because I love you lets have sex,” Carol should say to him, “If you love me, prove it, marry me and then you can have all the sex you want.” Let’s see how that works out. My guess is that Mike would probably run away and never come back. Thus marriage is the real test of love, talk is cheap, marriage is action and that is hard. No one marries someone just to have sex, but people marry because they love.

Yet according to Carol, every time they meet, Mike asks for sex every single time and not once has he asked her to marry him. This guy is probably a sex addict, you see that is the thing, people think they can satisfy the urge for sex by having sex, rather the urge for sex only grows fiercer the more sex they have. Mike has had plenty of sex, and with girls he never would marry so he only sees sex when he sees a woman and Carol is no different to him than the other girls he has used and moved on. All that sweet talk and nicety is to attract girls like sugar attracts ants and he is unrelenting in his demand for sex gradually wearing Carol down, the only goal, the mains aim is her body, to have sex with her and nothing more. His urge is growing with each conquest and he is not going to stop with Carol. Furthermore, multiple sex partners increases Mike’s chance of having a sexually transmitted disease (STD) which he would soon transmit to Carol. Furthermore, men don’t get pregnant and that’s why sex for them, sex is risk free, but not for girls,; there is a good possibility that Carol could get pregnant and since Mike does not love her enough to marry her, she could find herself having a baby with someone who doesn’t want her around him forever, and that is a bad, this could get her into having an abortion (which is killing of a human being by the way) or having to be an unwed mother.

Again, Carol should know that easy come easy go, what comes easy is often not cherished. I think it was Mohammed Ali that said that diamonds are buried deep underground thus by the efforts it takes to get them they are often very expensive and hence very much treasured, if they were easy to get, then they would not be so valuable. Furthermore, as Rob Kowalski puts it rather simplistically that,   in a relationship, a man says to a woman, “I will give you security (marriage) if you give me sex.” Thus a woman who gives sex without receiving security is often regarded as a hoe, while the man who gets sex without giving security is often praised as a stud. But in reality it is much more than that, since sex has a much deeper meaning especially in a Christian context, sex is the consummation or the fulfillment of the covenantal self exchange between a man and woman, as the Holy book says, “By this a man would leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh,” Sex is the physical expression of the self donation between the man and woman when they exchange the marital vows, “I am yours and you are mine” which is by its very nature is meant to last till death. So it makes little sense to have sex with someone who has not made a prior commitment to become yours forever, and think about it,  your future husband would be very happy that you did not sleep with all those men.  And finally, physical attraction diminishes and wears off with time and if there is nothing connecting two people together other than physical sex attraction then they are treading on very thin ice. This is again were marriage plays a significant role because two people who are married are admitting that their relationship goes way beyond the physical, they want to remain with each other come what may and are willing to face the odds of life together, in other words, it is a clear demonstration of their firm love and lasting friendship which nothing can stand in the way.

Below are interesting videos on strategies to use if you have a boyfriend and wish to keep your virginity till marriage