What happened to the idea of men as protectors of women and children?
A crazed man recently attacked a subway train, ranting, raving and generally harassing everyone. Next, he sat between two terrified women, and as they tried to flee, he grabbed one by the hair and pulled her down, while the terrified woman pleaded for help from onlookers. Surprisingly, everyone on that train, including a few men, was bent over their phones, pretending nothing was wrong. They, like the proverbial ostrich, would rather bury their heads in the sand than play the hero who comes to the aid of a woman in distress.
Fortunately, the madman let the woman go after dragging her by the hair, but it’s chilling that this could happen in broad daylight and in the presence of so many men, and no one had the courage to stand up to him. Would those men continue to act as if nothing had happened if the madman had plucked out the woman’s eyes or cut her throat?
What explains the phenomenon of cowardice and impotence seen here? Bray (2006) contends that men are no longer men today as a result of the feminist movement’s effort to deprive men of their manhood as a necessary step toward empowering women.
While Hudson (2013) contends that the cowardice displayed on that train is a relatively new phenomenon largely caused by the modern culture of social media, which has taken away men’s edge by depriving them of regular practice in the act of being men. Thus, the author argues that they were cowards due to a lack of practice in the act of bravery, a new phenomenon created by social media, which has removed the need for face to face human interaction and thus created men who have the body of an adult but are really toddlers inside, preferring to play with their toys rather than play their part in bettering society, unlike the real men of the past.
However, it is important to note that cowardice has always characterized the nature of man and did not begin with the feminist movement or social media, but rather has its roots in sin, which causes men to selfishly shave or avoid any circumstance that would complicate or even endanger their own lives.
Over two thousand years ago, Jesus preached to the people of Israel the parable of the Good Samaritan, encouraging them to overcome their fear and go out of their way to help those in need, to be kind and merciful.
In the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus tells the story of a man who was robbed and was lying on the road, and how people passing by, some of whom were priests, saw the man and crossed to the other side of the road and went away.
They, like the train passengers, did not want to get involved or complicate their lives and wished that if they walked faster, the injured man lay bleeding on the road would vanish, at least in their minds, but Jesus condemns their actions, recommending the Good Samaritan as a better alternative. Jesus suggests that the good Samaritan did what God desired in that situation by going out of his way to assist the person in need.
Precisely because the Samaritan, despite being historically hostile to Jews, overcame his prejudice and stopped to help the injured man, lifting him up on his horse and paying for his stay at the innkeeper. By using this parable, Jesus is implying that we should regard everyone as a neighbor and come to the aid of those in need. Certainly, Jesus warns us against turning our backs on our neighbor’s problems.
A Good Samaritan would jump in and fight if he saw someone being attacked, even if it meant getting his shirt torn or getting a bruised eye, but that is okay because it was the only way to provide effective help to others, and God will reward you for it.
Jesus tells this story to demonstrate the concept of the Good Samaritan, the character of those who please God and go out of their way to help others.
There is no doubt that social media culture has created a deceptive illusion that making a video of a woman being attacked and tweeting was a way of helping hand, making people who tweet feel like they are doing something, but if no one gives a helping hand, like in the case of this woman who was being attacked to free her from the grip of the mad man, then humanity has lost its humanity.
This incident reinforces the notion that the teachings of Jesus Christ are very much relevant in our current time and are far from outdated, as modern philosophers argue that modern society, with great advances in science and technology, no longer requires Jesus’ moral teaching. On the contrary, I would argue that Christ’s and Christianity’s teachings are still relevant, and maybe the only thing that can save us from the anarchy of individualism and nihilism.
Many Nigerians are understandably shocked by the death last week of Deborah Samuel, a beautiful 25-year-old female student at Shehu Shagari College of Education in Sokoto., who was mobbed by her classmates for alleged blasphemy against Islam. However, instead of mourning, Christians should rejoice because Deborah has given her life for her faith, the surest proof that she possesses the truth, and that her love for God is mightier than the power of darkness and terror, for greater love than this no man has that he lays down his life for his friends(John 5:13). Furthermore, from ancient times to the present, it is the blood of Christians that waters the seed of the faith ( LaBanca, 2018). This is our faith and the law that our founder, Jesus Christ, who died on the Cross for us, established, and Deborah conquered death by dying.
According to reports, the trouble started in a class WhatsApp group when Deborah was asked how she passed an exam, and she replied that it was because of Jesus. Her response irritated some male Muslim students, who mocked her Christian faith and advised her to remove that statement. In a knee-jerk reaction to the attack on her freedom, she refused and went on to remind them that the class WhatsApp group was created to discuss class assignments and tests, not all the “religious nonsense” they had been posting here.
The Muslim students, enraged by her dismissal of the Islamic articles they had been posting, demanded that she apologize for insulting Islam and, specifically, the Prophet Mohammed (AWS) by calling the Islamic articles “nonsense.” Deborah refused, claiming she had said nothing wrong and had insulted no one. When the Muslim student insisted, they threatened to deal with her if she didn’t. Deborah responded to their threats by leaving a voice message that said, “Holy Ghost fire, nothing will happen to me,” and reiterated that the WhatsApp group was created for class assignments, tests, and academic pursuits, not for religious purposes. However, she had unknowingly signed her death warrant as the Muslim student went outside the school grounds to hire some Islamic executioners and led the men into the school grounds looking for her. Pandemonium erupted, and her classmates fled to the school security room to hide her, but the men arrived armed and ready to deal with anyone who stood in their way, and they overpowered the guards and dragged Deborah out. “What do you hope to accomplish with this?” She asked the killers, and those were her last words, according to her classmates, as the men and several Muslim students beat, stoned, and clobbered her to death, and the video of them setting her corpse on fire has long gone viral on the internet, shocking not only millions of Nigerians but people all over the world.
The acts have been condemned by Muslims and Christians alike, and no one can think of a justification for such behavior. Who appointed those Muslim classmates to the positions of judge, jury, and executioner? According to Nigeria’s current Chief Justice, Justice Tanko Ibrahim Mohammed, “Islam is not a primitive religion in which followers can take the law into their own hands and commit jungle justice.” Rather, there is a judicial system in Islam that hears and decides cases, including criminal trials, and anyone accused of committing an offense against the religion or a fellow citizen should be brought before a court (either a Sharia or a secular/common law court) for adjudication” (Shuaib, 2022).
Furthermore, Sheikh Abubakar Gumi, a respected and learned Islamic cleric, offers a powerful refutation of those who believe that Islamic tenets call for bloodshed when he says that even the Prophet Movement (Peace be upon him) was insulted while he was alive and he did not kill anyone (Alamu, 2022). According to Bello Shagari, a Muslim business consultant, the mob killing of Deborah is un-Islamic and repugnant and would end up giving Islam a bad name. This was posted on his Twitter feed:
The Sultan of Sokoto, Muhammed Sa’ad Abubakar, condemned the killing in its entirety on Thursday in a message from the Sultanate Council, urging Sokoto state authorities to bring the killers to justice. The message is displayed below.
On Friday, President Buhari reacted to the incident, calling the killing illegal. He stated that, while Muslims all over the world demand that the Prophet be respected, no one in this country has the authority to break the law. The President offered his condolences to the deceased’s family and demanded an impartial investigation into the incident (Ailemen, 2022). According to critics, the President’s tardy response came only after the British High Commissioner demanded justice and the arrest of Deborah’s murderers. However, the point has been made. Surprisingly, some critics argue that Deborah had crossed an Islamic red line and thus deserved what she got. Shehu Shagari, on the other hand, condemned such clerics and urged them to wake up and educate the public about the truth(Orupe, 2022).
Furthermore, Shiekh Gumi contends that mob actions tarnish Islam’s white sultan’s reputation as the religion of peace, and he urges those who stain their hands with blood by engaging in extrajudicial killings to repent because they were perverting the name of Islam by using it to justify their bloody deeds. Furthermore, he reminded everyone that Nigeria is a secular state and that when Muslims and non-Muslims coexist through mutual agreements, they must be respected, and anyone who harms them is breaking Islamic law and will be unable to smell the fragrance of paradise for 40 years, according to the Quran.(Alamu, 2022). In addition, he argues that if Muslims want all men, particularly non-religious people in this country, to convert to Islam, then they must shun mob action and violence which will only alienate people from Islam by portraying Muslims as killers. Furthermore, the cleric claims that such mob actions contribute to an increase in insults and not less (Odunsi, 2022).
Adewale Martin, the Archbishop of Lagos, condemned the killing as barbaric, diabolic, and satanic, and urged authorities to find and punish the perpetrators (Eyoboka, 2022) while urging Christians to remain calm. Similarly, the youth wing of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) has condemned the murder and petitioned the Inspector General of Police to leave no stone unturned until the killers are apprehended. The Christian Journalist Association of Nigeria, as well as Catholic communicators and Christian groups from across the country, have also condemned the killing (Jannamike, 2022).
Regardless, Deborah may have erred and should have apologized for disrespecting the Islamic faith, but none of her actions justified the brutality of the death meted out to her, and what is clear is that the people who carried out this dastardly act acted wantonly and do not have the support of Islamic scholars or law enforcement, as Sokoto police have arrested some of them while the rest remain at large. The subsequent mayhem that ensued following their arrest is further evidence that these are the works of thugs who should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
However, Christians must understand that it is not uncommon for them to perish at the hands of those who despise them. Those Muslim students despised her for being a Christian and wished to teach her a lesson to show her that her Christianity cannot protect her against their power. However, they are mistaken because a Christian lives through death. We Christians are not only anti-violence; we are a religion of love, and our founder, Jesus Christ, teaches us to love our enemies and do good to them.
Instead of mourning, which is understandable, Christians rejoice when they give their lives for their faith because that is the surest proof that we love God, for greater love than this no man has that he lays down his life for his friends, and additionally, from ancient times to the present, it is the blood of Christians that waters the seed of the faith, and Christianity has always grown deep roots and wider spread as long as it is persecuted. This is our faith and the law established for us by our founder, Jesus Christ, who died on the Cross.
Deborah’s assassins have only her body and can do nothing else because she is now immortal and with God, and everything, as Deborah’s parents stated, is in God’s hands. And, while pleading with the authorities to do everything in their power to bring justice and bring the perpetrator to justice, let it be known to them that Deborah has conquered death and defeated them precisely by dying at their hands, just as Christ her savior conquered death and the devil by dying on the cross, and similarly, Deborah will rise again seated with Christ.
The sexual revolution that began in the 1960s (3) appears to be reaching an endgame. A Twitter account called @LibsofTickTock recently re-posted videos of American kindergarten teachers talking about grooming kindergarten pupils, indoctrinating them with such concepts as a multiplicity of gender pronouns, and of non-binary genders, etc. According to Tucker Culson, these teachers posted personal videos with content such as:
TEACHER: Hi, my name is — and I’m a preschool teacher. Recently, we started wearing pronoun pins and the kids get to pick a new pronoun pin every day. We have something that picks she/her every single day and we have some that change it up.
TEACHER: So, I’m a non-binary preschool teacher and my kids know I’m non-binary. They know I’m not a girl or a boy. I use they/them pronouns in the classroom. We work on it. Not all kids get it. That’s OK and I go by Mx Gray in the classroom, not Miss or Mister.
These concepts are largely still incomprehensible to many adults, and hence foisting them on minors should rightly be considered an attack on children’s minds. This is not surprising because it follows years of attacks on adult minds by similar ideologies, disguised as pornography which began with the sexual revolution in the 1960s.
At the time, the mainstreaming of pornography warped the traditional meaning of sex as a noble means of unity and procreation between a married man and woman, distorting and perverting it as a means of self-gratification and recreation. This distortion opened the floodgate to every sexual perversion imaginable, same-sex union, and bestiality are but a few examples. As the reasoning goes, if sex is for pleasure and recreation, why limit it to heterosexuals? Why not homosexual or lesbian sex? Why not have sex with animals?
Hence, in the years preceding the sexual revolution, recreational sex is driven by mass consumption of pornography resulting in an epidemic of teenage pregnancy and abortions, and marital infidelity as the Catholic Church predicted. Furthermore, it gave rise to increased objectification of women and precipitated the erosion of marriage as a desirable institution in many countries. (3) As a whole, it has resulted in disrespect loss of dignity and value of human life. (4)
Furthermore, pornography consumption increased tolerance and was a driver for crimes such as sex trafficking, rape, incest, bestiality, and, of course, pedophilia. (1) Recent research reveals that major online porn sites feature videos of people who have been kidnapped and raped. The reason beings the addictive nature of pornography produces an escalating and desensitizing effect. Hence porn watcher needs increasingly more hardcore and deviant porn to get the same high as before.
Jeffry Satinover, a psychologist from the United States, believes that excessive porn consumption leads to the trivialization of sexual crimes, whether against women or children. (2) Child abuse expert, Michael Sheath, expressed concern about the fact that online pornography has become a “gateway to child abuse.” Porn producers were getting more and more people interested in child pornography. Most popular porn sites now have more images and videos of child sex.
Hence, pornography was consumed in large numbers by people privately in the 1960s but was shunned in public spaces. Today, however, porn has taken over public spaces and all forms of entertainment and, as a result, has taken over the grooming of society everywhere and in every medium albeit television, social media, cable games, and even the Disney Cartoon Network(6.
In fact, the grooming of society is now so complete that you cannot pick up a newspaper or magazine without coming across some pornographic images; even in a magazine for electrical engineering, which has pictures of a naked woman on the front cover instead of transistors and integrated circuits, there are pictures of naked women.
After successfully grooming adults for pornography, they are now after children. They are confident that their strategy will work as it worked in the past because society consists of a silent majority of decent people who do not want any trouble and are content to live a quiet life and hence cannot stop evil, even if they saw it. Their strategy worked because even though there are laws prohibiting obscenities, society doesn’t enforce them. For instance, the US Department of Justice has not enforced the Federal Obscenity Laws Regulating the Production and Distribution of Pornography laws as well as the Federal Obscenity laws regarding minors, which have been in existence since 1873 and in 2011, the Obama administration scrapped it all together; hence, the escalation of porn production. (1)
The groomers are very persistent and never give up. They call their goal “social progress” to make it seem like it’s a good thing, they claim that early grooming is vital to prevent the children from becoming homophobic adults. They know that most people in society will not fight back. They started by making pornography more mainstream. Then they made homosexuality, transgender, and LGBTI more mainstream, and now they’re going to make pedophilia more mainstream, with their main goal being kids in kindergarten.
Sheath says that pornography has caused a cultural shift. Before the year 2000, men who looked at child porn had mental illnesses and violent pasts and were often victims of abuse. After the year 2000, normal men who didn’t have a violent past or had a difficult childhood were now fans of online child porn. This means that these “porn-made pedophiles,” as Sheath calls them, grew up watching more and more depraved porn until they became pedophiles, which corroborates tons of research data confirming that porn changes the mind. (2)
Furthermore, Sheath argues that there is an undeniable link between easy access to deviant pornography and an interest in child molestation; the unambiguous link between strangulation- porn and sexual violence against women; and there are strong correlations between the erosion of protective taboos around incest and the prevalence of incestuous porn. (2)
In conclusion, these porn-made pedophiles are now coming after children in kindergarten. This is the end-game of porn-grooming that began in the 60s with the sexual revolution; they have infiltrated the very source, a game that would end with the warping of millions of young minds.
After International Women’s Day, we celebrate women and all they do for society. But unfortunately, many people still haven’t figured out what a woman is.
Modern cultures view women as equal to men, and it is not uncommon to find groups or societies that regard women as superior to men. Whereas previous cultures viewed women as inferior to men, having only the role of cooking, fetching, and carrying for the men.
Some people view women as wild temptresses and seducers of men on a personal level. While others see women as loving and kind comforters full of warmth and gentleness, they are mothers and housewives.
I believe that a society’s goodness can be gauged in part by the way it treats its female citizens. According to The economist, societies that mistreat women are more likely to live in poverty(1). Sadly, the brutal and repressive treatment of women is often standard in many communities and repeatedly documented. Yet to be a truly civilized society, men are expected to treat women with respect and deference, especially their wives and mothers.
Indeed, being a mother is one of the most awe-inspiring attributes of a woman, as she is the primary caregiver and nurturer of a new life from conception to death. As a result, mothers possess a wide range of virtues and skills comparable to those of the most accomplished athletes.
Studies found a link between women’s hard work and their success as mothers in a study of women in the United States. (2) Motherhood gives these women a reason to work hard because it allows them to provide for their families, whom they adore. Put another way, the love they have for their children and grandchildren drives them to put in the long hours needed to succeed. There is an inverse correlation between motherhood value and time spent on leisure pursuits. Motherhood is not a stumbling block for successful women but rather a stumbling block for pleasure-centered women, according to the modern feminist talking points. Nonetheless, it serves as a further incentive for most hard-working women to work hard and achieve their goals and dreams. Serena Williams won a grand slam just nine months after giving birth to her first child, and Adele, one of the most successful women in the music industry, credits the birth of her son for her return to music after a period of discouragement. (3)
Even in today’s developed countries, where it appears that the distinction between man and woman is being deliberately obfuscated, that distinction is not only present but glaring. In many cases, the woman complements the man physically and spiritually, but that’s another story. Mary, the Mother of God, is the best example of a woman to look up to to understand what it means to be a woman. She is a mother, the mother of Jesus, the son of God; she is also a woman. So she was uniquely blessed and became the ancestor of everyone, especially Christians.
J. McQuillan, A. L. Greil, K. M. Scheffler, and V. Tichenor. Motherhood in the United States in the 21st Century. Official publication of Sociologists for Women in Society, 22(4), 2008, 477–496. Gender & society: official publication https://doi.org/10.1177/0891243208319359
Following the tragic death of former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst, many people around the world were left wondering, “Why?” What would drive someone like this to commit suicide? She had already accomplished a great deal in her life by the time she was thirty. She was beautiful, well-educated, and a lawyer, and she was widely regarded as the most beautiful girl in the United States. What kind of life could be anything but fulfilling in such circumstances? To put it another way, she was a success. Hers is the kind of life many young women can only dream of having.
As a result, it is puzzling why someone with such a background would commit suicide. But, according to reports, Chelsie Kryst posted a message on her Instagram page just before jumping, saying, “May this day bring you rest and peace.”
Why would someone who has lived a life that many people only dream about still be on the lookout for tranquility? Perhaps the only explanation is that she suffered from a mental health problem that only a few people knew about. As a result, anyone looking in would have the impression that Cheslie Kryst had a perfect life, that she was in control of everything, and that she was in complete control of her emotions and thoughts.
It is clear that mental health problems are often not visible, and those who do have them are difficult to identify. So many people who appear to be normal may be dealing with mental health issues, while the rest of the world is unaware of what is going on in their lives.
Chelsie Kryst tragic death serves as a reminder that not all that glitters is gold and that a beautiful body does not always imply a healthy, happy soul.
The very notions of beauty pageants and competition are being questioned once more in this case. After all, why would someone be rewarded or celebrated for a beautiful body they did not create, that they had not worked hard to acquire but was instead bestowed upon them by nature? Much unlike an athlete who trains for months or even years to achieve the level of physical fitness that will allow them to win a gold medal at the Olympics, hence we rightly celebrate their accomplishments because they had put in the necessary effort. To be sure, most athletes who achieve great success do so because, in addition to their rigorous training, they possess some inherent ability that provides them with the initial momentum, drive, or recognition that allows them to progress to the level of professional athletes. Perhaps they were already the best runner in their school, the best gymnast in their class, or the local hero on the school football team when they were in their early teens. This natural ability then serves as a motivator, propelling them to more excellent hard work and effort until they win a gold medal.
Physical beauty, on the other hand, is unmeritorious. In addition, it is transient because it frequently fades away over time, and its appeal dwindles, more importantly, beauty is not achieved through effort but is often provided directly by nature, as a gift. After all, no matter how hard or fast an ugly woman works out, she will never be considered beautiful because she lacks the natural attributes of beauty. But, on the other hand, a naturally beautiful woman attracts attention even when she isn’t trying. So what exactly is the point of that?
I realize I risk coming across as insensitive, but this could happen to anyone. Mental health issues have nothing to do with physical beauty, talent, or celebrity; they could happen to anyone.
While there is much to be learned from this, I believe there are a few lessons here for young people in this era of so much confusion: it is possible to be extremely beautiful while also being extremely unhappy, thus putting the lie to the popular belief that once you have beauty and power, you have it all.
Chelsie Kryst had it, but she was so dissatisfied that she destroyed it by hauling herself 20 stories down and smashing herself to pieces. That being said, we pray for the eternal repose of the soul of Chelsie Kryst and for God to grant her family and loved ones the strength to bear the loss.
There are two types of people in our lives: those who bring happiness when they come and those who bring happiness when they go away from us.” May we remain the former! We need to give more and take less. We need to share more and own less. We need to realize the importance of our fellow man as the backbone of stability. We need to look more to realize that we are not different from one another. We need to create a world where we can all peacefully live the life we choose and trust each other, to the greater Glory of God
—Charles Iyizoba, “Life is for others” (p.251).
Brief Biography of Barrister Charles Iyizoba
Early years
Charles Chukwuka Iyizoba was born at 11 a.m. on November 11, 1945, in Enugu. He was the third of Chief and Mrs. Richard Onuora Molokwu Iyizoba’s nine children. Two weeks later, he was christened at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church in Coal Camp, Enugu. He went to St. Anna’s Primary School in Ahiaeke from 1958 to 1959, and the College of the Immaculate Conception (C.I.C) in Enugu from 1960 to 1964. His favorite subject was English literature, and he received high marks throughout his elementary school years, endearing him to many of his teachers as well as the school principal.
Enugu Campus/Biafran war
After clearing the West African School Certificate exams with flying colors, he began studying law at the University of Nigeria Enugu campus in 1965. However, his law studies were cut short by the outbreak of the Nigerian–Biafra conflict in 1966. He was willing to put his life on the line to help others. For example, during a disturbance that resulted in the massacre of non-Igbo students on the University of Nigeria, Enugu Campus, Charles offered to shelter certain Yoruba students by hiding them in his room. When a machete-wielding mob surrounded his room, shouting for their blood, Charles refused to bulge and instead barred the door with his body, telling them they had to kill him first before killing them. When he accused the blood-thirsty mob of being no better than the brutal killers of Igbos in the North, they backed down and dispersed, even feeling ashamed of themselves.
New York (1971)
Charles, heartbroken by the destruction of Eastern Nigeria, departed the country on March 8, 1971, to seek a degree in political science at Newark State College in New York. His intellectual prowess was acknowledged, and he quickly made friends with lecturers and students alike, as was his natural ability to make friends. He transferred to Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, in September 1971 to study political science. His charity and care for his classmate were on display once more. He, Willie, and Eddie assisted numerous freshly arrived African students by housing them in their flat for months while assisting them in finding jobs. Because students from several African countries such as Sierra Leone, Cameroon, and Senegal were living there, their apartment was often referred to as the Organization of African Union (OAU). Charles was an “A” student at Rutgers, making the 1972 edition of “Who’s Who in American Universities and Colleges.” After completing his degree program, he was awarded a scholarship to The University of Columbia in September 1973, where he graduated with a Master’s degree before returning to Nigeria in 1975 to take up a position with the Ministry of External Affairs under the Federal Civil Service Commission in Lagos.
Ministry of External Affairs (1975)
Although it is often assumed that battling corruption in Nigeria is perilous and that eradicating corruption in government service is a pipe dream, Charles was determined to give it a shot. During his tenure at the Ministry of External Affairs, his honesty and integrity were obvious to all, and he would not engage in unethical behavior, such as producing fake receipts to embezzle unspent funds; instead, he would attach the receipts, air ticket stubs, and return the unspent money to the treasury. When in charge of an official visit with his colleagues, he always ensures that others get the best hotel rooms first and he comes in last, so he is frequently left without a place to sleep and has to sleep on sofas and couches. He followed due process in the Ministry’s staff employment selection, basing his decision on the candidate’s merits regardless of ethnicity, and refused to hire based on ethnicity. Charles believed that his soul’s integrity was in jeopardy if he violated his conscience and succumbed to the injustices of nepotism and dominance perpetuated in the Ministry, and he was willing to pay the price of falling out of favor with very powerful interest groups.
Expectedly, his principles of honesty and transparency enraged some less scrupulous individuals who were determined to give Charles a hard time; however, he took it in stride, never holding grudges and striving to forgive and help those individuals to rise to higher standards and remind them that the main reason why they should be ethical was that even if they were not accountable to anyone on the planet, they would still have to give an account to God. He saw people behind institutions and organizations, and as a result, he was not hesitant to go the extra mile to assist a friend, sibling, or colleague who was suffering from injustice. On the other hand, he was not hesitant to challenge those in positions of power in government to live up to a higher standard of their calling and execute their duty for the general good.
“We are atomized and it is now everybody to himself. We have crawled into a cocoon, unconcerned about the well-being of others. We have swallowed the evil fruit of materialism, ready to kill even our children for money. We have placed materialism as our new god. We can no longer tell the truth to power. We are afraid of the truth. We are afraid for our lives. We can no longer stand up for principles
—Charles Iyizoba, “Life is for others” (p.207).
Nigerian Embassy in Washington (1977)
Around the middle of August 1977, he was assigned to the Nigerian Embassy in Washington as the secretary of education, where he was tasked with caring for thousands of Nigerian students visiting the United States. He was a firm believer in the notion that a leader must also be a servant. As a result, he spent countless hours assisting numerous Nigerian students who were in some sort of problem, while never asking for anything in return. For example, a Nigerian student was arrested by police when an inebriated female accused him of rape. When the Nigerian Embassy became aware of the situation, Charles intervened and requested that the accuser be produced by the police. When she was brought to the station, she admitted that the claim was made in jest and the police had no choice but to release the afflicted student. Furthermore, Charles was detribalized and would assist students regardless of where they came from in the country. For example, there was a case of a doctorate student from Borno state who was attacked by some people back home who were jealous that he was about to receive a Ph.D. and hence withheld his scholarship monies. Charles resolved to assist the pupil and sent letters telling the governor of Borno state of the problem and paid the student all his scholarship money. The student was pleased and sincerely appreciative that an Igbo man from the south would risk his life for him even as his fellow northerners tormented him. Charles reminded him that if it came down to justice, he would risk his life for everyone, regardless of clan or faith. The student was eternally thankful because he was able to complete his Ph.D.
In another case, the US Department of Immigration detained a Yoruba student from the University of Maryland who was working part-time to fund his tuition. The issue was that he dropped out of school to earn money to finish his education, but he had no work permit, only a student visa, and because he was no longer a student, he was detained for deportation. A number of his classmates protested at the Nigerian Embassy, and Charles raised the issue with the US director of immigration, urging him to bring back the car carrying the youngster to the airport and cancel the deportation and he did. Furthermore, he made it possible for students who completed their Bachelor’s degree in a record-breaking two years instead of four, to use the remaining time for their Master’s degree while still on the same scholarship, saving the country time and money and easing the burden on students who would otherwise have to return to Nigeria and apply for another scholarship, which might be unsuccessful.
Internal Liaison Unit (1980)
Charles was recalled to Nigeria late in January 1980, to the Internal Liaison Unit, Protocol Department, where he worked as a protocol officer in charge of managing state visits by foreign leaders, arranging state dinners for visiting Heads of State, selecting appropriate gifts for the visiting leaders, correspondences with foreign embassies on protocol issues, and issues about diplomat accreditation and their welfare in Nigeria. His responsibilities included raising the Guard of Honor and screening those requesting an audience with our President. He brought professionalism to the job and worked tirelessly to earn the respect of foreign leaders. When he was in charge of organizing the visits to Nigeria of prominent African heads of state such as President Arap Moi of Kenya, Prime Minister Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe, Joo Baptista de Oliveira Figueiredo of Brazil, and, most importantly, Pope John Paul II in 1982, he was able to save Nigeria from some embarrassing situations.
Visit of Pope John Paul II (1982)
It was an honor and a pleasure for Charles to be in charge of planning and coordinating the celebrations when Pope St. John Paul II visited Nigeria in 1982. In his memoir, he recalls some of the unforgettable anecdotes:
On the day the Pope was to meet with other Christian religious leaders at the State House, Marina, which had a large garden. One of the first to arrive was the head of the Methodist Church. I shook his hand and jokingly said, “Your Eminence, what are you doing here? This is the Catholic Pope.”He burst into laughter and said, “No, no, he is the head of all Christians.” I too burst into laughter
—Charles Iyizoba, “Life is for others” (p.180).
Charles was able to guarantee that anyone who comes into proximity to the Pope dressed and behaved appropriately. For example, when he spotted that one of the NTA’s senior female anchors was inappropriately dressed since she was wearing shorts and a “see-through” blouse, he pulled her aside and questioned her why she was so barely dressed, knowing who was coming. When she gave an unsatisfactory response, Charles summoned the security guards and requested that she be removed from the Presidential area, where she would have no interaction with the Pope. He also protected the Pope from intruding politicians who wanted to colonize the Pope’s time and space, preventing him from effectively meeting with others. He also prevented them from crowding the Pope’s helicopter during hectic schedules, allowing Pope John Paul to have a few precious words with his Bishops and Cardinals during flights. Overall, Charles protected the Pope from the deplorable press and political abuse, and I am sure Pope John Paul II was thankful.
University of Buckingham (1984)
The military regime of Buhari, which replaced the democratic government in 1984, ushered in a slew of retirements, including Charles’. Following that, he planned to return to the University of Nigeria Enugu Campus to finish the legal studies he had abandoned in 1971 but was convinced and funded by his friend, Bertrand Ude, to attend the University of Buckingham instead. As a result, in March 1985, he enrolled in an accelerated legal degree program at the University of Buckingham and graduated in 1987, returning to Lagos to attend the Law School in September 1987. In 1988, he was admitted to the bar. Additionally, he met and married Florence in 1992, and their first child, Onyinye, was born on November 16, 1992.
Nigerian Ports Authority (1994)
Charles was appointed Liaison Officer to the Nigerian Ports Authority by the Minister of Transport, Ebenezer Babatope, in January 1994, and was promoted to General Manager, Marketing within a few weeks. He set out to modernize the NPA marketing department, which he found to be dormant and lacking in the most basic of amenities such as computers. He approved the purchase of computers for many departments, particularly the Department of Computers, Statistics, and Planning, and hence the department was able to issue its first timely end-of-year report since its existence. The increased ease of doing business was one of the most distinguishing elements of his era. Businessmen who previously had to bribe their way through the Ports bureaucracy to get their goods approved began to receive express services and their import paperwork signed without having to pay large bribes. His subordinates adored him because he would pay them visits and get down to their level. He had an open-door policy, meaning that anyone could come to him with a problem, and he helped a lot of people. Furthermore, he would not hesitate to take up an issue hurting little people with the Managing Director of the Port Authority, encouraging him to approve what these junior staff wanted. He was the voice of those who had no voice. People accused him of not knowing how to do “big guy”; he didn’t know how to toss people around. Rather, he treated everyone fairly, regardless of their social standing. He wrote in his book, Life is for Others:
There is always the fallacy among our top men that you have to keep your distance from your subordinates who have to live in fear of the “Oga.” The fallacy here is the saying that, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” I have discovered that it does not work that way. Once a leader brings himself to the level of his co-workers, shows them the way and treats them with concern, shows interest in their well-being, they will give him so much loyalty that he can repose his confidence in them
—Charles Iyizoba, “Life is for others” (p.234).
As if to round out the picture of who he is, he tells us an anecdote about how he interacted with his driver when working in the Protocol Department of the Ministry of Internal Affairs:
I remember when I was in State House Protocol; a driver was assigned to me to take me to Ilorin on an official trip. The man had no notice that he would travel that day and as we set off, he asked for permission to enter Bariga where he lived so he could tell his wife and take a change of clothes. I agreed. When we got to this slum area, the man apologized and asked me to wait in the car while he rushed in to pack his things. I refused and said that there was no way I could come to his street and not enter his abode and see his wife and the family. I told him that he must try to eat something in his house before we set off on the long journey.We got in and the wife was bathing her newborn baby. I greeted her and my man went in to pack and asked his wife to prepare some garri for him. I held the baby whilst she was on this chore. When she brought the food, my man asked me to join him, that the wife made enough for two of us. I declined, but the wife insisted, so I joined in the meal. Before we drove off, I donated to the new baby as is customary. On the way, my driver told me, “Oga, for somebody like you I go do anything. I thanked him for the sentiment. I had shared a meal in his one-room apartment without doing “big man”
—Charles Iyizoba, “Life is for others” (p.235).
Furthermore, while working for the Nigerian Ports Authority, he could have fallen to corruption to become wealthy. On the contrary, he fought against it, knowing that when good people fail, evil grows stronger; thus, he fought corruption, embezzlement, and graft like a gladiator, armed only with prayer, faith in the sacredness of living truthfully, and a desire to save his soul when he must stand before God’s judgment. In his book “Life is for others,” he describes a conversation he had with someone who came to inform him that he could make a lot of money by extorting money for attaching his signature as a General Manager:
I laughed aloud as was my custom. I assured him that I knew that each time I signed on a paper for a shipping company it was worth one million naira. But that was not what I was sent to do on the job. My reading of my job was to give all possible assistance to businesses so that their businesses would expand, would hire more people, and create more jobs, which would lead to the expansion of the economy. I did not believe in the extortion that I knew was going on. My father did not bring me up that way. That was not the reason he gave his children a good education. He would turn in his grave if he knew his son was now a bribe-taker. It would mean that all the education I had was for nothing. The man could not utter a word. He just shook his head and left
—Charles Iyizoba, “Life is for others” (p.241).
Charles fought against the hydra-headed creatures of corruption, knowing that unless it died, things would continue to deteriorate and ordinary Nigerians would die in misery. He fought and lost at times. Though not everyone agrees with his methods, no one can deny the honesty and truth contained in his words. There is no doubt that Charles suffered as a result of his upright way, constantly resisting the dictates of an oppressive and unjust system, and that it would have been easier for him to just give in, be concerned only with his own pockets, and gradually lose his soul in the myriad of corruption and become just another thoroughly corrupt civil servant, but he believed that despite the odds, the fight to right this country must begin with someone, and he was that someone. Indeed, anyone seeking to live a moral life must seek strength from God. As a result, Charles was a God-fearing man, a regular practicing Catholic who attends Mass daily, because the eternal salvation of his soul was more important to him than any human success. He writes in his memoir that he even asked God to remove him from NPA if the brazen corruption going on there would cost him his soul:
Early in December 1995, I came into my office, locked the door, and prayed to God in this way, “Almighty Father, you have seen how they throw money around in this place. If you know that I would lose my soul if I continue here, please Lord, take me away and find another place for me.
—Charles Iyizoba, “Life is for others” (p.254).
Retirement and Death
As a result, Charles retired from the Nigerian Ports Authority in 1995 and was delighted with the birth of his second daughter, Ekanma, in July 1995. Since his retirement, he has been able to rely on the goodwill of friends and family. He also served on the boards of the AIT television network and Thisday Newspaper in various capacities. Despite his health issues, he has devoted a significant portion of his time to raising his two girls. He moved his family from Lagos to Abuja, where he died on December 18, 2021, after a lengthy and severe illness. Some may argue that Charles failed in his mission because he died before his dreams could be realized. Everyone, however, fails because everyone dies. The important thing is to live in such a way that when death comes, the eternal reward of living forever with God in heaven, which He promised those who strove against great odds to keep his commandment in this life, is not a pipe dream but a reality, and this was how Charles lived and died, and may the good Lord whom he served grant him the reward of eternal salvation according to His promises through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Photo Reel
Charles with his sister, LizWith his daughters, Onyinye and EkammaWith his wife, Florence and his daughter, OnyinyeWith his daughter, EkammaWith, his brother in-law, Gabe and friendsWith Carmella Ezekwe, Chike Ezekwe and friendsWith Ik Onyiuke and Chief Robert ClarkeCharlie with St. John Paul II during his 1982 visit to NigeriaWith Kaechi Ezekwe OgbuaguWith Frank Alamah (sitting behind)With Ijeoma and her husband With Gabe, Liz, Florence and Ekamma and EmekaWith Odera and EkammaWith Willy, Chiedu and friendsWith family ( L-R Florence, Balum, Liz, Agozie)With Brother Eddie and sister, Liz
Tributes
TRIBUTE TO MY TEACHER, MENTOR, AND HUSBAND
Dear Charlie, to me, you were a teacher, a mentor, and a husband. You were the best father to our two wonderful daughters, Onyinye and Ekamma. I learned a lot from you in these past 29 years we were together. You were the best uncle to your nephews and nieces and the best brother to your siblings and cousins. I am your nwayi calabar as you would often affectionately tease me. You were a very neat and meticulous person, and your life philosophy is best described as “out of this world.” You were sincere, upright, peaceful, principled, and kind and you treated everyone you met, young and old, with dignity. You were very religious (he was praying in his sickbed before he finally lost his voice on Thursday, December 16th), and it still feels like a dream that you are no longer with us. It hasn’t been easy for me or the kids, but we can’t question GOD, the giver, and taker of life. We miss you and know you’re in a better place where there’s no more suffering and pain, watching over “onyinye-again” and “fatso,” as you affectionately referred to them. Continue to rest in the LORD’s bosom until we meet to part no more.
Your wife FLORENCE
A TRIBUTE TO MY FATHER
I was watching Sean Connery in Goldfinger order a vodka martini “shaken not stirred” when it occurred to me that I would never watch any 007 movies, or any movie for that matter, with my Daddy again. I have so many wonderful memories of my Daddy, but my favorites are of us watching late-night movies together. Nobody knows how many times Daddy watched The Incredibles with a cigarette and a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Daddy loved all the classics: 007, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and even Disney classics like The Jungle Book. Thank you so much, Daddy, for all of the wonderful movie memories… I can’t wait to share them with any future children I may have.
I love you, Daddy. May the force be with you.
Your daughter ONYINYE
TRIBUTE TO THE BEST DADDY IN THE WORLD
When I think of you, my Daddy, the first thing that comes to mind is your great knowledge of many things and your love of books, which you have transmitted to me. You loved music; especially the Beatles and I remember us singing along to the Beatles as you drove in the car. Indeed, I recall that when I was six, every Friday night was movie night for us, Daddy! And we would watch classics like Jaws and James Bond, and you would try to explain their complicated plots and storylines to my six-year-old mind. Daddy, you made me love and appreciate different genres of music. We would often sit side by side, talking and exchanging views on different genres of music. All I can say is that my sister and I are extremely grateful to have you as our Daddy. You were not the typical Daddy, boring and full of “do’s” and “don’ts,” rather you were a cool Daddy, so non-judgmental, so loving, so caring. You were much more than a Daddy to me, you were my friend, and I will miss you greatly.
I don’t know where I’d be without you, Daddy.
Your daughter EKAMMA
ADIEU IS A HARD WORD TO SAY TO YOU, CHARLIE!
We miss you. You were an embodiment of love, patience, kindness, and intelligence all wrapped up in non-apologetic contentment. You would trade everything for peace in your life. You loved all and always looked out for every family member especially your nieces and nephews. Their Christmas joy will never be complete without their Big Uncle Charlie. Justice for all was your key principle. You fished out the needy for your voluntary assistance. Anyone meeting you at your quiet moment would be greeted with a wide smile and gentle invitation to shots of Whiskey and sticks of cigarettes over which you shared your deep thoughts about life and its uncertainties. Charlie, in your journey through life, you touched many lives such that your death has left a void in the family that none can fill. However, we are consoled by your long-standing relationship with Jesus and Mary, his mother. We love you Charlie, but they love you more. Stay happy with them till we meet to part no more Adieus!
Your brother and his wife JOHNNY AND ELIZA
TRIBUTE TO MY IMMEDIATE JUNIOR BROTHER CHARLIE, THE STAR OF THE FAMILY
When we were growing up, Charlie was the star of the family. He caused no problems for our father. Papa was overjoyed with him because he aced all of his exams and was an obedient son who never did anything to deserve a beating from papa; less than what could be said for some of us who barely passed our exams and frequently did things that earned us deserved beatings from papa. He continued on his path of honor throughout his life, doing everything as and when it was due, and lived a full life by making the most of what God gave him. He had devoted friends who believed in him and were always available to him. I want to use this opportunity to place on record with gratitude the immense love showered on Charles by the family especially the younger Iyizoba generation. I thank you all and I pray that your children would do more for you! May the soul of my brother Charles and the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God Rest in Peace Amen!
Please bear with me as I try to put into words how much I loved and respected my brother Charlie. Those of us who knew Charlie must believe that angels do exist among us on Earth. Charlie was a true angel who was unconcerned about material things. He was one of a kind, generous to a fault, and fiercely protective and caring for all who were fortunate enough to know him. I recall a close friend of ours getting engaged to a lady from a low-income family. The majority of people were opposed to the union. Charlie drew everyone’s attention with his usual calm demeanor and asked, “What’s wrong with you guys, don’t you realize that this union will lift a lot of people out of poverty that houses will be built, that school fees will be paid?” That was Charlie at his best, always looking out for others. Life is for Others, his memoir, encapsulated his personality and worldview. In the 1980s, he was the Education Counselor at the Nigerian Embassy in Washington, DC, where he housed and fed a large number of Nigerian students. He did this out of the goodness of his heart, expecting nothing in return. His home was always open to those in need. Charlie was a voracious reader and student. He earned a bachelor’s degree in political science from Rutgers University, a master’s degree in international affairs from Columbia University, and a law degree from The University of Buckingham. Despite his accomplishments, he remained humble and true to his beliefs.
It was the last thing I wanted or expected to hear from Charlie’s wife, Florence that he had left us. To say I went insane would be an understatement. My wife Donnie (Donelda, as Charlie always called her) was completely taken aback. Charlie and my wife had a special bond since the first time they met. I knew she’d have a difficult time dealing with this devastating news, just like I did. We lived with Charlie when we moved to Lagos in 1984, and we had a great time with him and his many friends. He was always concerned with our comfort and well-being.I can’t say I’m alone in my grief because I’m not. I am in mourning with all of my siblings, as well as other family members and friends. My sorrow over my brother’s death extends to his two lovely daughters, Onyinye and Ekamma, but I take comfort in knowing that I will always see him in them. They are aware that I will always be available to them. Rest In Perfect Peace my brother, Charlie until we meet again.
Your Brother WILLIE
I HAD NEVER KNOWN WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO LOSE A BROTHER!
I’d never known what it was like to lose a brother before. A brother with a personality like Charlie, who took up so much space in my life as we grew up and into adulthood. My brother Charlie, I remember how, when I lived with you in Washington, you would take care of all my needs, including washing and ironing my clothes. When I went out with friends, you would give me your credit card as insurance in case I ran out of money. Now I know what it’s like to have a gaping hole that nothing can quite fill – memories that I now hold even tighter. I’m waiting to hear your voice above the din of our Iyizoba shouting matches, which, to the untrained ear, may appear to be a fight but are usually just casual conversations. Goodbye, my dear brother. We will miss you terribly. God is the ultimate authority. Rest peacefully in the Lord whom you served so well!
Your brother CHIEDU
CHARLIE, THE ENIGMA!
It’s difficult to write about someone you’ve known your entire life; where do I begin, where do I end? Charlie, you had always been the family intellectual, avid reader, and philosopher. Understanding issues and putting things in their proper context was your strong suit, thanks to your analytical mind… You would have done a much better job on this. Charlie, you were a kind and caring person. You interacted with people of all ages and gained great, loyal, and trusted friends who stood by you through thick and thin. The younger generation will never forget how you used the ‘carrot and stick approach to teach them life lessons. You were the historian, always entertaining everyone with stories from the past. You would always find ways to entertain all of the children in the family during the holidays, taking them around town and looking for interesting masquerades, making the holidays memorable.
You were my doting big brother, arranging and sponsoring my first trip to the United States in the 1970s. Since you moved to Abuja, our bond has grown stronger. I realized who you truly were, and I appreciate you even more as a result. I tried to imitate your reading habits, but I sometimes gave up and asked you to read and explain to me later. You were a selfless man who was always concerned with the well-being of others. Even when you didn’t have the means, you were always there to help the oppressed. You never discriminated against or attempted to stratify people, which was sometimes embarrassing and uncomfortable for those who do not know you.
You did not scorn minor chores, and when someone younger offered to do them for you, you always responded that they should let you continue because it was your way of doing penance. You were a direct man who always said things as they were no matter whose ox was gored. You were the epitome of a man without guile. You were ready to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, with no jealousy or bitterness in your heart for their good fortune. Charlie, you were a man of strong faith and your belief and trust in God’s providence were unshakeable. Our mother Mary had a special place in your heart as you constantly said your rosary.
From the onset, you seemed to understand a certain truth about the human experience and never cared for worldly things. Truly a mystery, you were “in the world” but not “of the world.” When you became too ill and had to be admitted to the hospital, I came to see you, and when I asked how you were feeling, you replied in your usual philosophical manner, “I am watching the sunset… I am watching the sun go down.” I wasn’t sure what you meant, so I told you I couldn’t see any sun in your room. You cracked a smile. I’ll never forget the parting handshake you gave me as I left that night, not realizing it was the last time I’d see you.
I believe that this verse of scripture encapsulates your life and that you won’t be denied the reward that awaits you in Heaven. Charlie, My ‘Charlie Parker’, my beloved brother, continue to rest in the Lord, until the resurrection day when we shall meet to part no more. Na n’udo I will surely miss you. A vacuum has been created in my life that only your loving memory can attempt to fill.
Psalm 24 verse 3-6 states: “Who shall climb the mountain of the lord? Who shall stand in his holy place? The man with clean hands and pure heart, Who desires not worthless things, Who has not sworn to deceive his neighbor. He shall receive blessings from the Lord and reward from the God who saves him. Such are the men who seek him, Seek the face of the God of Jacob.”
Psalm 24 verse 3-6
Your sister YOUR MADAM LIZ
TRIBUTE TO MY BELOVED CHARLIE
Charlie, my brother, was thoughtful. He was a man who lived for the sake of others. Thank you, Charlie, for being so selfless and thoughtful. You’ve taught me a lot about life. You took the time to teach me how to read when I was a child. You always sent me money when I was in high school to make sure I was okay. You were there to make sure I didn’t have any problems on my various trips back from the United States to Nigeria, especially at the Embassy. As a mother of four beautiful children, I appreciate that you took the time to take your nieces and nephews to see the masquerades so that they could have a vivid understanding and appreciation for their Igbo culture. You valued history and ensured that the next generation did as well. Throughout your life, my beloved Charlie, you were always concerned with doing what was right. To say I will miss you would be an understatement. It’s surreal that you’re no longer here. Your legacy will live on through your loved ones. May your soul rest in peace. With all my love.
Your baby sister ANN
MY DEAREST UNCLE CHARLIE PARKER!
I consider myself extremely fortunate to have been born to parents who each have eight siblings. I am the first grandchild on both sides, followed by my brother Onuora; it was a long time before anyone else arrived, so we were completely spoiled by many aunties and uncles. My aunts and uncles were as important to me as my parents themselves in my early memories. My mother told me that when I was a baby, she would take me to school at the University of Nigeria, Enugu Campus, and leave me in Uncle Charlie’s room while she went to class. Uncle Charlie described me as a “beautiful baby.”
I recall spending my vacation in Washington at Uncle Charlie’s house. There are so many memories, and Uncle Charlie’s death marks the end of an era for me. He was the most educated and well-read person I knew. He was a wealth of information. He was a true gentleman who used to chastise my husband, Nedu, for not keeping good cognac in his house. Indeed, I can’t hear a Beatles’ song without picturing Uncle Charlie. I am going to miss you. Look out for us from the other side, dear Uncle. Much Love.
Your niece EBELE
MY DEAREST UNCLE CHARLIE!
I know you are happy where you are. I can visualize you walking into heaven with your classical wide smile. Amongst your many great qualities, you were the epitome of COMPASSION and SELFLESSNESS. Thank you.
Your niece ADAORA
UNCLE CHARLIE WAS A GIFT!
If I told you everything I’ve learned from Uncle Charlie, I’d have to write a book, so I’d just pick one story. The story is about my first day of school at Unilag in March 1992. I was living in Dolphine Estate with Uncle Charlie. When I awoke that morning, there was money and a “one naira coin” on my bedside table. I was taken aback by the sum of money and impressed that Uncle Charlie didn’t wait for me to ask. But I couldn’t figure out why he’d left a coin until I arrived at the bus station and realized that a trip from where I was to Unilag cost exactly one naira coin. I also discovered that bus drivers rarely have small change that early in the morning, and that it was best to have “one naira coin” with you. Uncle Charlie going to such lengths for me astounded me. But that was who he was. All five years I would live with him as a student, I never had to ask for money, he would simply leave me money, and when he did not have it, he would ask his friends for me. Uncle Charlie was a gift to anyone who came into contact with him; he freely gave his time, money, and wisdom to anyone in need, but more importantly, he made other people’s problems his own and worked tirelessly to solve them. He believed that if others succeeded, he would succeed as well! Uncle Charlie was a gift to all of us.
Your nephew Chinwuba
UNCLE CHARLIE PARKER…..IJE OMA!
Uncle Charlie and I had our little greeting custom. “Uncle Charlie Parker!” I would call out whenever we met. “Ify Again,” he’d say, his eyes gleaming and his smile cracking wide. That was our little ritual that endeared him to me, and I know it still goes on, albeit inwardly! Uncle, I can hear your voice! It’s as if you’re right in front of me! I can feel your joy because you’ve always had such a strong connection to the afterlife. Your serene, dignified, and noble gait and demeanor are ideal for where you are right now! Uncle, you lived this life with such acute awareness of its brevity! Everyone who knew you agrees on one thing: “He was a good man!!!” In terms of justice, you treated everyone equally, whether they were friends or foes. You were a man of integrity and moral uprightness, and you always prioritize these virtues above all else. You have truly inspired us, and your life demonstrates that a good reputation is more valuable than gold and silver! Thank you for all of the wonderful stories and history you shared with us from your vast knowledge! We miss you and wish you a bright and joyous journey in the afterlife! Uncle Charlie Parker…..ije Oma!
Your niece IFEYINWA
MY DEAR UNCLE CHARLIE, SO YOU HAVE LEFT US……HMMM!
To be honest, you prepared us for this. For as long as I can remember, you’ve been open about death and its impending arrival. At first, I thought, “This uncle is so morbid,” but as I grew older, I realized that you knew from the start that this life was merely transitory. You recognized that we were all just actors on a stage and that when the time came, we would take our bows.
Uncle Charlie was a straightforward man. He never worried about accumulating worldly possessions and was quick to give out everything he had to help others. Uncle never flaunted his generosity in public; he genuinely cared for others and helped people even when he didn’t have much. Uncle remained humble and saw his achievements as a means to help others, regardless of what position he held in society, whether as a manager in the Nigerian Ports Authority or as a Diplomat in the Foreign Service. Uncle Charlie built and maintained long-lasting relationships. He had so many prominent friends in strategic positions in society, but he didn’t let it get to his head. He was extremely loyal and kept those friendships even after they were no longer in power. Uncle Charlie’s ability to connect with anyone was one of his most endearing qualities. Uncle could strike up a conversation with anyone, regardless of their age or social status. Uncle was a fantastic storyteller. He was extremely knowledgeable about a wide range of topics, including Nigerian history, Biafra, current events, the Iyizoba/Onyuike family tree, and so on, and we never hesitated to tap into that knowledge whenever the opportunity arose. Uncle was always laughing, no matter what life threw at him. “Why worry about what you can’t control?” was his life philosophy. Uncle exemplified the admonition in the Bible (Matthew 6:25) that worrying is futile and that the Lord truly provides for all of our needs. Here are some of the life lessons I learned from Uncle Charlie:
That we should focus on our relationship with God and eternity;
That family is above all else. Uncle Charlie’s love and dedication to family was worthy of emulation;
That wealth and material acquisitions are meaningless
That you cannot put a value on loyal friends and strong relationship
That top positions in government mean nothing when those around you are suffering
That whether you were the gateman or the CEO of a company, you should be treated with dignity and respect.
That one should always have a cheerful disposition regardless of what they are going through.
Uncle, I’ve known you my entire life, and even though your physical body is no longer with us, you will always be with us in spirit. Nimo’s family gatherings will never be the same without you. We wish we had written down more of your wise sayings, but, alas, we’ll have to make do with the memories we’ve made so far. We’re all going in the same direction, so please say hello to mummy, mama, and papa for us. We will always love you.
Your niece IJEOMA OFODILE (NWAMMAJI)
A TRIBUTE TO UNCLE CHARLIE
Dear Uncle Charlie, I had a dream about you the other night. I dreamt you were still with us, but we all knew you were going to die. You were carrying out your annual Christmas tradition of driving us, your children, nieces, and nephews, around to see relatives. We started saying our final goodbyes to you at the last house. I started crying because we knew it was the last time we’d see you. My tears were shed not only for the loss of a loved one but also because I knew that your death meant the loss of something more. A lot of my childhood Christmas memories revolved around you transporting us from one relative to the next. I met other members of the Iyizoba family, the Onyiukes, the Ezekwes, and Agbims, all because of you. We’d go to Abagana to watch the masquerades and while we were there, we would drop by to visit the Seas.
You were the custodian of our oral history and because of you, I know the origin of the “Iyizoba” surname, a name so rare and unusual. No one could tell a story like you could, with that rich gravelly voice and a cigarette in your hand. You told stories with awe-inspiring eloquence. I used to enjoy hearing your Biafran war stories. I believe I can speak for my cousins, siblings, and myself when I say you kept us firmly rooted in our heritage. It breaks my heart to think that my children will never meet you or hear your stories. Finally, it was time for you to return to Papa, Mama, and Auntie Mmaji. The fact that you died on December 17th strikes me as symbolic. Around this time, we’d all congregate in Enugu, and then travel to Nimo, where you’d start taking us around to see relatives. That time of year will always be associated with you in my mind. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us. We will miss you. We love you.
Your niece NESOCHI
THERE’S NO STORY OF MY LIFE WITHOUT YOUR NAME IN IT, UNCLE CHARLIE!
I thought about a lot of things while I was with you in the final hours, but it never occurred to me that I would never see you again. The events of that night continue to replay in my mind, reminding me that in life, one must cherish every single moment. When we discussed the possibility of you visiting Nimo for Christmas, I didn’t hold out much hope, but you did, albeit not in the way I would have wished, but in the way God permitted. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t take anything personally, didn’t hold grudges, didn’t demand anything, literally didn’t expect anything from anyone, and utterly and completely relied on God. Uncle, you were and continue to be the most consistent, content, and selfless person I have ever known. Uncle, you were so brave in the last few months, cleverly hiding your pain; how could we have known what you were going through? Even at the very end, you put us all first. Thank you, Uncle, for the childhood memories and experiences you provided us. Thank you for believing in me and entrusting me with your timeless Ede & Ravenscroft wig and gown, which I proudly wear today. God Bless you My Uncle Charlie!!!
Your niece BALUM
THANK YOU FOR TEACHING US HOW TO BE PROUD OF OUR COUNTRY
Spending time with Uncle Charlie taught us to be proud of our country. With his smooth, raspy, velvety, deep baritone voice, he often held us transfixed with stories of his life experiences while deeply analyzing the issue with Nigeria, unafraid to speak his mind, yet we could sense a deep abiding love for his fatherland that infected us. He was aware of its capabilities, especially in light of Nigeria’s vast natural resources. Uncle Charlie, in essence, knew what the nation could be and how we should bring our talents to the land in order to help it reach its full potential. As a result, we were eagerly planning a trip back to Nigeria soon, to reconnect with our beloved cousins and to hear Uncle Charlie’s stories of Nigeria’s rich history once more, but alas, this was not to be. “When man plans, God laughs,” as the saying goes, and death has taken away our favorite uncle. Nonetheless, Uncle Charlie, thank you for teaching us what it means to be proud of our heritage. Thank you also for reminding us to give back to the community that has given us so much. May God continue to bless your daughters (our cousins Ekamma and Onyinye) and your wife (our Aunty Florence), and may God’s Light envelope your soul in love, peace, and fulfillment forever. Amen
Ann’s four children LORRAINE, PATRICK, PAMELA, AND RICHARD
UNCLE CHARLIE, A TRIBUTE
Your time shall come You will see the end in all its glory Then you will bleed light The thread becomes visible Me to you You to me to them The thread connects one end to another And then another And then another Me to you You to me to them The infinite weaving of Gods plan This is not the end.
My dear Uncle Charlie, it appears that your journey on this side of the pond has come to an end, and you have crossed the pond and are now in the evergreen meadows of everlasting rest. Those of us who remain on this side, however, must deal with the void your absence has left. Many things will be said about the many lives you have influenced, including mine. With each decade that passed, I gained a better understanding of who you were, from the tough disciplinarian of my childhood to the historian/scholar of my early adulthood to the wise sage. One of my favorite childhood memories of you is when we were walking around egbengwu and you were telling us the history of each family house we passed, stories that no one else had ever told us, and that we may never hear again now that you are gone. I also recall you taking us to watch mmuo every December. These are memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. Because of you, I appreciate our Igbo way of life even more, why it was important for us to reconnect with our ancestors, with our history. I’ll miss your face, which has similarities to my mother’s. I’ll miss your voice: smooth and deep, but a little rough around the edges. Uncle, you taught me the importance of hard work and striving for excellence in any endeavor, whether it was as simple as cleaning my room or as serious as working towards a degree; not for external adulation or reward, but for my own personal fulfillment and satisfaction. I’m grateful for this lesson. You were a wonderful uncle to me, and I am grateful to God that I was able to accompany you on your life’s journey, even if only for a short time, and how short that time has been. Thank you for being who you are. You will live on in our memories, in our blood, in our decisions, in our breath, and in the stories, we pass down to future generations. Rest in Peace! Je n’Udo
Your nephew ODERA ADIMORAH
TO UNCLE CHARLIE PARKER
Uncle Charlie Parker. I write this tribute to you with great sorrow and sadness. You were a one-in-a-million uncle; you were humble, kind, loving, caring, and all-around good in heart and soul! I remember you coming to my traditional wedding despite your frail health. Uncle, you were a shining example of humility, your love knew no bounds, and I thank God for the opportunity to know you. You were a great pillar of support when my father was down. I only wish we had more time to continue to appreciate you. May God Almighty keep you in perfect peace until the day of the Resurrection, Amen! My heartfelt farewell, Uncle!
Your niece and her husband ODERA AND CHINEDU ODUNUKWE
HI UNCLE CHARLIE!
As I write this tribute, it feels completely surreal; the idea of you being gone is foreign to me because you have always been a constant in my life, much like the sun, moon, or seasons, your presence is unwavering. But that isn’t the only thing that remains constant about you. Nothing can shake your belief in what is right because your beliefs and principles are like a rock that ground you. To those on the outside, it may have appeared as “stubbornness,” but to those who know you, it is faith.
Your belief in goodness and truth. I have so many memories of you to share, but the Christmas memories you created for my siblings and cousins will always hold a special place in my heart. I remember being so terrified when we went to watch masquerades at Abagana that I began to pray and speak in tongues in an attempt to disperse them. Even as you laughed, you held my hand tightly, assuring me that nothing could happen to me as long as you were there. I struggled with writing in the past tense when I began this tribute, but now I realize I don’t have to use the past tense because you are still here with us, in our hearts, minds, and the ways you teach us to live. Uncle Charlie, rest in the boundless love of God. Until our paths cross again.
Your Nephew KAELO
TRIBUTE TO A BELOVED BROTHER-IN-LAW
Members of Charlie’s family who were with him in hospital in Abuja on the night of his departure saw a man who knew his earthly life was coming to an end. Charlie, who was in pain and unable to speak, seemed to improve and began talking and shaking hands with those gathered around his bed. Although it was late at night and the sky was pitch black, he claimed to have seen the sunset! Charlie was completely prepared to die. Charlie Parker is indeed gone! The truth is that at this point in our lives, at least for those of us over the age of seventy, we are all on a bus bound for our respective final destinations. When it arrives at each person’s bus stop, he gets off and that’s the end of it! Charlie arrived at his bus stop on December 18, 2021. Many people may not have realized Charlie was ill for a long time. That was because he took his illness in stride and never made a fuss about it, nor did he want anyone else to worry about it; instead, he was quietly preparing himself for death. Indeed, he frequently expressed his desire and readiness to return to his creator. He was well-prepared, and I am confident that he is now where he wants to be and at peace. Charlie would not have wanted anybody to mourn; he would have preferred that we celebrate his life.
Charlie was a calm, intelligent quintessential gentleman of the highest caliber; he was also a lot of fun to be around. He was highly cerebral, capable of debating politics and current events in an analytical and incisive manner. As a result, people enjoyed his company and wanted to spend time with him. I’ve always had a special connection with Charlie. From the moment I was introduced to him, he took a special interest in me and refused to consider any event, such as religion, as a hindrance to his brother OSSY marrying me. Whenever I saw Charles or spoke to him on the phone, I scream at the top of my voice: “CHARLIE PARKER!” His response: “THE RIGHT HONOURABLE” It was a ritual! It is now over. The voice is forever silenced! Such a warm personality, a caring husband and father, a beloved brother and uncle, a loving brother-in-law! Charlie, you are in a much better place now – in God’s Hands! All your pains and troubles are over. Florence, Onyinye, and Ekamma will be okay. Rest in Peace, my beloved brother-in-law!
Your sister-in-law CHINWE
TRIBUTE TO MY BROTHER-IN-LAW, CHARLIE
“Watching the Sun Set.” That was Charlie’s description of his impending death when my wife asked him how he was doing as he lay in the hospital bed on December 16, 2021. When my wife told me, those words, coming from a person of Charlie’s caliber and loaded with meaning, filled me with dread, and I made up my mind to see him the next day at the hospital. When I arrived the next day and saw Charlie, a man who was always vibrant and happy, lying prostrate and helpless on his sickbed, it broke my heart. As we were about to leave the hospital, he extended his hand and shook mine, without saying anything, and his eyes gazed on me, apparently in appreciation for everything we had shared; little did I know he was bidding us a final farewell. When I saw his lifeless body in the morning of the 18th, completely wrapped in cloth, I realized it wasn’t all a dream.
Brother Charlie is gone, never to return; gone with beautiful 60’s tunes constantly blaring in his head, tunes of the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Beach Boys, Little Richard, and so on, tunes he loved so much when he was alive, tunes that put smiles on his face whenever we were driving together on the streets of Lagos. He was so taken with these songs that his lovely daughters fell in love with them as well. He knew almost every song by heart, word for word. He was a die-hard Beatles fan. Charlie was a simple man who cared little for the things of this world. He was happiest when he was able to assist others. He was so generous that he would borrow from others just to help the needy, and he couldn’t stand it when he saw a poor man being treated badly. It’s difficult for me to think of Charlie as someone from the past. For those of us in Abuja who spent the last days of his life with him, he will be sorely missed. May his soul rest in the Lord. Amen.
Your brother-in-law ARC. GABE ADIMORAH
GONE FROM US BUT NEVER WILL BE FORGOTTEN
I am known as Donnie by family and friends. Charlie alone called me Donelda, hence making our relationship unique. Charlie and I met very early in my marriage to his brother Willie, and we formed an instant bond that I cannot explain. For me, it was a bond that was unaffected by time or distance. I regarded him as one of my brothers, not as my brother-in-law. I admired his intelligence, life philosophy, dry wit, giving heart, dedication to family and friends, and unwavering faith in God. Charlie was simply “one of a kind.” I was devastated by the news of his death and walked around in a fog for several days. When I was inconsolable, I didn’t know how to console my husband and the rest of the family. If I was feeling this way, I can only imagine the profound loss his beautiful daughters, whom he adored with all his heart, were and continue to feel. Onyinye and Ekamma, I want you to know that your father will never be forgotten and that your uncle Willie and I will always be there for you. I am going to share a poem with you that always brings me solace when I have lost a loved one and I hope it does the same for you, your mom, and the rest of the family.
If Tears Could Build A Stairway If tears could build a stairway And memories a lane We would walk right up to heaven And bring you back again No farewell words were spoken No time to say goodbye You were gone before we knew it And only God knows why Our hearts still ache in sadness And secret tears still flow What it meant to lose you No one will ever know But now we know you want us To mourn for you no more To remember all the happy times Life still has much in store Since you’ll never be forgotten We pledge to you today A hallowed place within our hearts Is where you’ll always stay Author Unknown
Rest in peace my dear brother Charlie until we meet again.
Your sister-in-law DONELDA (DONNIE) IYIZOBA
TRIBUTE TO CHARLIE, MY AMAZING COUSIN
I have pondered writing this tribute for a long time, but words fail me, and I am looking for words that can do justice to this man we all fondly refer to as Charlie Parker. He was an institution, very cerebral, extremely kind-hearted, intensely honest, fearless, and had little or no regard for financial appropriation. Charlie was unconcerned about factual embellishment and stated things as they were. Though he was a thorn in the flesh to those who preferred not to hear the truth, he was a hero to others. Charlie was deeply religious and had a thorough understanding of the scriptures, which he applied in his daily life. He demonstrated a strong faith in God and was never afraid, not even of death. He had the makings of a saint, and in a better world, he could have been a holy Catholic priest, in my opinion. He was a voracious reader with a deep thirst for knowledge, and he was always up to date on virtually every topic that came up for discussion. Charlie Parker was a very unassuming man who was unconcerned about class distinctions based on finances or education. He saw and interacted with people as humans. Charlie was one of our best. Though he has left this world, his memories will always bring back fond memories that will warm our hearts. Adieu, Charlie Parker!! May God grant your soul eternal rest. Amen!
Your cousin FRANCA OFOR
TRIBUTE TO UNCLE CHARLES
My mother told us many stories about Uncle Charlie before I met him for the first time in the mid-1990. Uncle Charlie, she said, would buy gifts for everyone every Christmas. He was kind to poor and needy relatives, as well as friends and well-wishers. When I finally met him, I realized that everything my mother had told us about him was true. What struck me the most was his faith in divine providence. I recall Uncle Charlie telling a true story to family and friends several times about how he needed fifty thousand naira to pay for his children’s school fees and didn’t know who to turn to, so he prayed to the Blessed Virgin for assistance. Guess what, the next day there was a knock on his front door, he opened and lo and behold someone had left a brown envelope inside it was exactly “Fifty thousand naira he needed for the school fees, and he searched for the person but to no avail.” Isn’t that incredible? This incident boosted his faith in God. To be honest, Uncle Charlie’s faith inspired me greatly to grow closer to God. Though some may disagree, Uncle Charlie lived a saintly, humble, and God-fearing life in my opinion. His life should inspire everyone to grow closer to God. So, Uncle Charlie, on behalf of everyone whose life you have touched in some way, I’d like to thank you for leading by example. I would especially like to thank you for restoring my faith in humanity’s goodness and revealing God’s goodness. Adieu! Big Uncle, rest in the Lord until we meet again. Amen!
Your cousin ELIZA “OBELE”
THE EXIT OF A GOOD MAN – CHARLES IYIZOBA
Charlie –Parker! My personal person! Charles purchased the jacket I wore to the party where I met my wonderful husband, Maduka. He liked me a lot, and we became close friends and in-laws. He was a great diplomat with a childlike inner being. He never stressed or fretted, as other Iyizobas do. He cherished his life and his cigars and whiskey. He rose to the pinnacle of his profession. He had a wonderful family and was loved and cared for by the Iyizoba family. A good man has perished. My greatest regret is that I did not communicate with Charlie or visit him to pray for, encourage, and support his recovery. Our heartfelt condolences go out to the whole Iyizoba family. We will do everything we can to assist his family in carrying on his legacy. You lived and cherished your life, Charles. Charles Iyizoba, farewell.
Your sister-in-law DR. IFEYINWA NWAKWESI
ADIEU! BELOVED BROTHER-IN-LAW, UNCLE CHARLIE
I lost a rare gem. I lost a brother-in-law, who was so special and kind to me. I lost a man who treated me like a daughter and extended the same to my children (Chikwelueze, Maama(Uju), and Ifunanya). I lost a mentor, a man I looked up to. I lost the world’s best brother-in-law, so truthful, disciplined to the core. I lost a brother-in-law whose good deeds, generosity, intelligence, and charisma will never be forgotten. Indeed, your departure pained me in my heart but I am consoled that you lived a good life and got to the peak of your career in sound health of mind and body. As God has deemed it fit to call you home, we surrender all to Him. He will grant us (Iyizobas) the fortitude to bear this loss while hoping to see you again on the resurrection day where we will meet to part no more.
Your sister-in-law ENGR. MRS ADAEZE IYIZOBA NMDPRA, Abuja
TRIBUTE TO BARRISTER CHARLES IYIZOBA, A KIND, AND COMPASSIONATE MAN
With extreme shock, I received the news of the passing unto glory of our dear brother Charles on January 1st. As I looked at the obituary poster I received, I realized how time had flown. Reminiscing, I cast my mind back to when we first met after I married his cousin Brian. He showed us love and was always kind, warm, and compassionate. I found him to be a straight talker, and you were never in doubt about where you stood with him. We were blessed to have known him and still recall his words of wisdom that helped me understand the intricacies of their extended family setup. Navigating the complex family terrain became easier. What shall we say unto the Lord? All we have to say is thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with a kind, eloquent, compassionate, witty, warm man like Charles Chukwuka. A true inspiration whose memories are priceless. Charlie may have passed on, but you will forever be remembered, loved, and sorely missed. Rest in perfect peace, Charlie. The precious memories we have of you will always be evergreen.
Your sister-in-law THELMA NWOKEDI
TRIBUTE TO CHARLIE IYIZOBA
Chief R.O.M Iyizoba and Dr. P. V. N Ezekwe’s children are scions of two great Onyiuke sisters: Agnes (Onyiuke) Iyizoba and Rebecca (Onyiuke) Ezekwe. They were close and loved each other, and their love is the source of the love that has endured between the Ezekwes and the Iyizobas to this day. But then Charlie arrived, the third child of Aunty Agnes (born a day before Sister Rebecca’s third child, Carol), with his unique, sterling qualities as a human being, and endearing nature, and the love, closeness, and friendship between the two families burned even brighter.
We are eulogizing Charlie in this tribute, which is heartbreaking because eulogies are mostly dedicated to the dead, and we are deeply saddened by his passing, but Charlie is truly deserving of our praises and expressions of love. Charlie was a nonconformist who may have said to himself upon entering this world, “I will live the way I see fit, and speak from the heart, unafraid to stand alone if necessary, but respectfully and considerately and true to my God, so bear with me.” That was the essence of “Charlie Parker,” as we affectionately referred to him; a man of integrity, unapologetically frank and bold, who maintained an enviable sense of detachment from worldly things until the very end. Charlie Parker was a true gentleman. His vast knowledge of world events, as well as his analysis of situations and circumstances, usually captivated his audience. But, alongside these admirable qualities, there was a humble soul who had no qualms about deferring to the opinions of others. He was completely certain of who he was. Charlie, no airs, no pretenses. The Iyizobas have lost their lovely son, the Ezekwes have lost a brother and friend, the world has lost a true gentleman, but God has gained a Saint.
Charlie Parker, we will miss you greatly, but we are comforted by the fact that your death brought peace and an end to all the physical pain caused by your illness in recent months. Rest in peace, dear one, and know that our prayers will hasten your journey to meet your Maker. We send our heartfelt condolences to Florence, your wife, and your two lovely daughters, Onyinye and Ekamma. Our hearts go out to the incredible Iyizoba family, who showed Charlie so much love and support throughout his life. Farewell and rest in the eternal peace of Christ.
From UMU REBECCA NWANYIEGBOGU EZEKWE, ADA ONYIUKE (The Family of late Dr. and Mrs. P. V. N Ezekwe of Ezeawulu Nibo)
TO MY BELOVED COUSIN, CHARLIE IYIZOBA
Charlie, you were extraordinary! You have a magnetic personality; one easily warms up to you. You were candid, truthful, and open. You were bold, qualities that endeared people to you. When you took ill last year we were so pained and prayed constantly for your recovery. I had hoped to speak with you when you were taken to the hospital on the 17th of December 2021 to reassure you of our love and encourage you, but alas! We love you and always will. We miss you, Charlie. Goodbye Charlie. May your gracious soul rest in the peace of the Lord, Amen.
Your cousin PROF. IFEOMA ENEANYA (NEE EZEKWE)
TRIBUTE TO A RARE GEM
Charlie! Though you may be gone, you have left an imprint in the hearts of many. I remember way back in those years when my father used to tell us to look up to you as a role model worthy of emulation. You were smart and always well-behaved. Your humility and kindness were unprecedented. You were ever ready to assist people, especially your own. Indeed, you touched the lives of many in one way or another. As a diplomat, you were sound. Among other things, you ensured that every Nigerian student on scholarship in the USA was able to access their student’s loan. I especially remember how you facilitated the process for me to access mine. You were a brother and a friend to me. I will live to always remember you. We will miss you dear brother, most especially your siblings. May God in His infinite mercy grant them the fortitude to bear the loss. May your soul rest in peace in the bosom of the Lord.
Your cousin FRANK ALAMAH
MY TRIBUTE TO CHARLIE CHARLIE, MY FRIEND & OKENWADIANA.
I received the sad news of the demise of Charlie Iyizoba from Edu Boy, his youngest brother. I was devastated, to say the least, because I was hoping to see Charlie in Nimo during the 2021 Christmas Season. Unfortunately, it was not ordained. What can I say about Charlie that many who knew him well cannot imagine? Charlie was a mellow and highly educated man with indescribable humanity and love for the downtrodden. In him, I found a man who laid his treasures in Heaven. You may be wondering what I am talking about, but please bear with me and read on.
I will share only two aspects to prove my honest analysis of this man I call Charlie Charlie. In the early 1970s when I was living briefly with the Iyizobas in East Orange, NJ; I saw a rare quality in Charlie that I have never seen in anybody, talk less of any Igbo man. Charlie would get his biweekly paycheck and sign the back of the check and leave it on the table for his immediate junior brother, the indomitable Eddy Iyizoba, now Dr. Edward Iyizoba, (MD), to cash and buy food for the family and pay the apartment rent. A normal man would NEVER do that! Rather, he would contribute his share, but everyone else must also contribute their share. The majority of men today, money mongers, would NOT even contribute their fair share without a vicious fight and someone twisting their arm. These extraordinary acts of Charlie endeared him to my heart and when I say that Charlie laid his treasures in heaven; you may begin to get my point. Charlie was not a worldly-oriented soul. He was highly religious, honest, hardworking, and a lovable gentleman.
The second aspect that led me to conclude that Charlie laid his treasures in Heaven was his refusal to accept bribes to execute his job as once the General Manager of Nigerian Ports Authority (NPA), Lagos HQ. In a country where cheating, bribery, and corruption are the way of life and are accepted as the norm, once again Charlie refused to amass wealth and riches by trampling on honesty, decency, and good ethics. He chose dedication to duty and fear of God; for it is written: “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his soul”. He refused to collect N10M (ten million naira) bribe/extortion to sign the shipping documents for importers of various goods into Nigeria. He also refused a “cash- thank- you” from surprised shippers and businessmen who wondered whether this rare gem was a Nigerian. Yes, Charlie was a Nigerian of the Igbo Tribe. A dedicated Federal Employee who never left his office without finishing all the in-files on his desk as the GM of NPA. Yes, he had to fight the status quo and some family backlash for playing the honest man in a country where basically everyone is a thief one way or the other. His life was threatened many times by the rogue employees who found his dedication to duty an obstruction to their daily brigandage in the name of chasing money from all angles. Charlie truly laid his treasures in Heaven for he died a poor man on earth but one of the richest men in Paradise. I will miss your company Charlie but God Almighty needs you more than we do on this wicked planet heading to perdition. Adieu, my friend, nwadiana, and a rare gem. I am sure the Angels in High Heaven are singing their welcome chorus for your soul.
To Florence, your wife, and your daughters, I say take heart for Charlie has gone home to the Lord. If this country has people in high places and positions in the ministries and parastatals who can emulate the standards Charlie set in public service and beyond, Nigeria would be on her way as a competitor among the comity of nations around the world. Charlie lived a good life without riches, mansions, millions/billions of money stashed away for generations yet unborn at the expense of the living. He is smiling at us in our follies as we go about killing one another in our quest for worldly wealth. Goodbye, my friend Charlie until we meet again. In you, the world has lost an Angel.
From your namesake & friend, PRINCE OKEY CHARLES ONYIUKE, KOFC NJ, USA
TRIBUTE TO UNCLE CHARLIE… A MAN WITH A HEART OF GOLD
The news of your death came as a rude shock to me, but I take solace in the fact that you lived a life of fulfillment, a life that was in sync with Jesus Christ’s command to be good to whoever is your neighbor. You are one of those who come to mind when I think of the biblical Good Samaritan. Everyone was not just a neighbor to you, but a brother and sister. You loved and cared for everyone who came into contact with you the same way you would love and care for your biological children. You chose the best, a life of love, which the Bible clearly states is the greatest and most important virtue of all. There was no ‘Jew or Gentile’ in your good nature and giving spirit. Even if you don’t have anything material to give, you would give your time, guidance, advice, and prayers. The place for men of goodwill is surely in the bosom of our Lord Jesus Christ and I am certain that that is where you are. Adieu my sweet Uncle Charlie Adieu Kind heart and soul. Adieu Golden heart. Rest in perfect peace Nwachukwu until the resurrection morning where we will meet to part no more, Amen.
From MRS. NGOZI OKEREKE (Nee Micheal Udemezue Onyiuke)
A TRIBUTE TO MY DEAR UNCLE, A MAN OF PEACE AND THE PEOPLE
When I learned of Uncle Charlie’s death on December 18, 2021, I was shocked and devastated. Uncle Charlie was a wonderful man who lived for the betterment and happiness of others. Without hesitation, I would argue that he lived solely for humanity and a life that I will refer to as “heaven on Earth.” I do not doubt that his lovely soul will live in eternal bliss. He was gentle, kind, peaceful, generous, loving, social, happy, gentle, God-fearing, and cheerful. Uncle Charlie never discriminated against or looked down on anyone; rather, he welcomed everyone as a member of the family and a friend. He was radiantly happy on the inside, with an infectious smile and laughter. Uncle Charlie was truly the best of his breed. Rest in peace, good man, until we meet again. I will miss you dearly. May the Almighty God console and comfort the family and everyone you left behind.
From MR. ONYIUKE IFEANYI SAMUEL & FAMILY (Son of Late Prince Michael Udemezue Onyiuke)
TRIBUTE TO BOSS MAN, BARR. CHARLIE IYIZOBA
What a day it was when your brother, Chiedu, called to tell me you’d died. I was numb because I had just talked with Lizzy, your sister, about your condition and how God had preserved you in His infinite Mercy. However, God had a better plan; man proposes, God disposes, and God’s Will is always Supreme. You and I have been friends for about 50 years. I met you through my late brother, Prof. Dr. Ifeanyi Achebe; we all became family friends with the Iyizobas and have remained so to this day. In a strange way, you were close to me. I suspected that your elder brother, Ossy, and my brother, Ifeanyi, were plotting for us to date. I was aware of the plotting, but as a vivacious adolescent on the verge of puberty, I laughed it off. You and I eventually settled on Agape Love, which was priceless to me because you were always there for me, whether in Washington, New Jersey, or anywhere else. You had a calm demeanor. You’re always minding your own business, reading your newspapers, and oblivious to what’s going on around you. Many people mistook your demeanor for arrogance, aloofness, and the like, not realizing that it was your own way of not hurting anyone and that beneath that outer husk was a deep humility, honesty, boldness, confidence, and courage that I always admired.
You chose your words carefully since you were a man of few words; nonetheless, you never suffer fools gladly. Regretfully, I missed the opportunity to visit you while you were having your health challenges, at least to reminisce about the old times. Oh! Well, the vicissitude of life denied me that. But God knows best. You will be remembered for your good deeds. Posterity will speak well of you. History will judge you well. Although you’re no longer with us, I know that your spirit lives on in your wife, children, and other relations. We will not mourn you. Instead, we will celebrate you. Surely, a place is reserved for you in heaven. You have run the race and now, it’s time to rest. Remember us always up there as we also continue to pray for you down here. May your soul journey well into the bosom of the Lord, Amen! May you have eternal rest, Amen! Fare Thee well! Je nke oma. Na nu udo! Good night, boss man! Agape love.
Your friend CHIEF (MRS) NGOZI ACHEBE-AKPOJOSEVBE (Adaife 1, ifitedunu)
TRIBUTE TO MY FRIEND AND BROTHER, CHARLES
He was courageous, confident, charismatic, catalytic, and catholic. He was a patriot who lived a life dedicated to others just like the Bible instructs (Matthew 25:30) “For as long as you did it to the least of my brethren, you did it to me.” Charles and I were both students at the College of Immaculate Conception (CIC) in Enugu. The school assisted us in deepening our Catholic faith. I ran into Charles after the war at the Nigerian Embassy in Washington; it was a wonderful reunion. He assisted me in obtaining materials for my doctoral research. He also treated me to a nice lunch on another occasion. Years later, we reconnected in Nigeria, and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that he was still practicing his Catholic faith and attending Mass daily. I had a chance to meet with him at Holy Cross Cathedral in Lagos in December 1995. While we were talking after the Mass, he asked if I had been to Aokpe, the site of the alleged apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary, but I had never heard of the place. I inquired and discovered that the apparition had drawn a large crowd. As a result, I gathered a group of people and we traveled to Aokpe in January 1996, and it changed my life. I became a devoted follower of Mary.
CHARLES despised injustice and would bravely and truthfully condemn the Society’s outrageous ills in any form, but more importantly, he was always willing to lend a helping hand. He assisted me in my Ichie ndi Igbo project. Taking me on a tour to meet with various Igbo leaders so that I could pitch my project to them. We met with the former Biafran soldier, Alex Madiebo, Col. Tony Eze, Admiral Alison Madueke, and Rich Okafor. Charles was also friends with prominent Yoruba leaders like Ayo Okpadeku and Ebenerzer Babatope. He introduced me to Professor Joy Ogwu (DG NIIA, Lagos), a classmate of his at Rutgers and Columbia.
Charles also volunteered to assist with other projects. He was a great motivator and advocated for our project to empower young people to become entrepreneurs capable of creating jobs. He introduced me to people like Senator Ibrahim Mantu, Chief Tom Ikimi, Abdulazeez Ude, and Admiral Alison Madueke. When he relocated to Abuja, he became more helpful in supporting my projects and facilitated my meeting with Professor Julius Okojie, Executive Secretary, National Universities Commission (NUC), in 2013. He was also acquainted with the proprietors of DAAR communication Plc and ThisDay newspapers. The death of my friend and supporter, Charles, has deeply saddened me. He has, indeed, left his imprint in the sands of time. He fought a good fight, and God will reward him because he lived for others, as he stated in his book “Life is for Others.” Adieu my brother, may Mary lead you to Jesus.
From LARRY C. FEJOKWU
THE BEST AMBASSADOR THAT NEVER WAS
Charles was a one-of-a-kind, a true brother, a diplomat extraordinaire, an officer and a gentleman. Charles was “Nigeria’s best” Ambassador, that never was. He lived up to the title of his book, “Life is for others.” From Emeka B Obasi, Esquire
TRIBUTE TO A FRIEND AND A BROTHER
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven; A time to be born and a time to die
—Eccl. 3:1-2
As human beings each time we lose a dear one we die a little, a little piece of our heart is forever broken. But then the Bible says, “O death where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory. But thanks be to God, who has given us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:55-57). Sir Charles loved and served God diligently so we are sure that he is heaven smiling down at us right now. Charlie, it was a pleasure and a privilege to call you a friend; but you were more than a friend; you were a brother from another mother. Sir Charles was a decent man; he was honest, forthright (sometimes to a fault), selfless, genuine, and unique, and he was kind and hospitable. And he had the fortitude to face any challenge. But what we remember most about him is his wicked sense of humor and jokes. He made fun of himself and never took himself too seriously. We will also miss his vast and diverse knowledge of everything. If you needed a historical or cultural perspective on an issue, he was the man to see. Those who will miss him the most are his lovely wife, Florence, and “Charle’s Angels,” Onyinye and Ekamma, whom he raised into the lovely women we see today; his girls were the love of his life. Sir Charles lived his life in his own way, doing the things he enjoyed; he was a wonderful companion. Sir Charles was ready to meet death whenever and however it came; in fact, we could argue that he had been fearlessly preparing for it for over thirty years that we had known him. So, on December 18th, 2021, he was well prepared to give an account of his life to his Lord and Maker. We, the Usman family, pray for his soul’s rest. We pray that God will console his wife Florence and his daughters, Onyinye and Ekamma, and that God will give the entire Iyizoba family, his numerous relatives, friends, and well-wishers the strength to bear this loss. Rest in peace at the bosom of the almighty God till we meet again.
Love always Miss Tootsie, Esther, Yorraha Usman
TRIBUTE TO OUR GREAT IN- LAW MR CHARLES IYIZOBA
The family of late sir FGN OKOYE sends this tribute in honor of a great son of Nigeria, Mr. Charles Iyizoba. Charle’s senior brother, Chief Ossy Iyizoba, married our sister, Justice Chinwe Iyizoba and a passionate and inspiring relationship began with the Okoyes and Iyizobas. The Iyizoba family is a role model family and many families need to emulate the unity, love, and harmony that exists in their family. Charles was a great ambassador of the Iyizoba clan as he was a very amiable, warm, and kind individual. He was a brilliant man and was a very successful career diplomat and excelled in his job. He was at one time a top official of the Nigerian Ports Authority. It was widely known that Charles never accepted to be bribed for rendering his professional services. Charles loved life, his cigar, and his brandy.
He had a great family life and was blessed with a lovely wife Florence and two beautiful daughters. The Iyizoba clan rallied and took care of him with love prayers and financial support. We are pained that Charles passed on, so untimely, but it is not how long we live but how well. Let us all emulate the life of love, peace, inner contentment, harmony, happiness, and humility which were the hallmark of Charles’s life, and let us also learn how families can team up and sustain the great legacies built by their patriarch and matriarch. We are proud of the role Chief Ossy and our sister, justice Chinwe Iyizoba, are playing in the Iyizoba clan. We are proud of our sister Chinwe, for being part of the growth and harmony that exists in the Iyizoba clan. We condole the entire Iyizoba clan through the head of the Iyizoba clan, Chief Johnny Iyizoba, and the entire Onyuike clan, where Chief Mrs. Agnes Iyizoba, the Matriarch of the Iyizoba family came from. We also extend our condolence to all our in-laws, especially Gabe and Elizabeth Adimorah, and we thank Elizabeth for the amazing role she is playing in the Iyizoba family. We also thank God that the younger generations of the Iyizobas are doing well and ready to take over the mantle of leadership. We say Good night to a great son of Nimo, Anambra state, and Nigeria – CHARLES IYIZOBA,
Chief JC Okoye Chinyelugo 11 For and behalf of Late Chief sir FGN Okoye Family.
The EXIT OF A GOOD MAN – CHARLES IYIZOBA
The family of Dr. Maduka Nwakwesi sends this tribute in honor of a good man in every sense of the word – Mr. Charles Iyizoba. We are connected to the Iyizobas as our matriarch, Dr. Ifeyinwa Nwakwesi, is the junior sister to the matriarch of Chief Ossy Iyizoba family, Justice Chinwe Iyizoba. Significantly, Charles came with Dr. Iffy Nwakwesi to the party where our patriarch, Dr. Maduka Nwakwesi, met her for the first time. Charlie-Parker was a great man that was deeply loved as he was a very warm and caring person. He was a very calm, brilliant diplomat, with a very child-like inner being. He never stressed or fussed typical of most Iyizobas. He loved his cigar and brandy and excelled to the top of his career. He is blessed with a lovely family and was loved and cared for by the Iyizoba clan. A good man has fallen.
Our greatest regret is that we lost touch with Charlie as we would have loved to pray, encourage and support his recovery. We like the bonding and love that is seen in the Iyizoba family. It’s always a pleasure to spend time with them as the warm ambiance you feel is very gratifying. Chief Ossy and his wife, Justice Chinwe Iyizoba, are some of the nicest people we know. They provided a solid platform for the expansion and growth of the Iyizoba clan. We are very proud of the inclusive nature of Justice Chinwe in being a role model wife and mother, pushing for peace and harmony in the Iyizoba family. We also recognize the role their great daughter, Elizabeth Adimorah, is playing in their family as she is a role model Ada of the family. We also are very proud of the entire Iyizoba clan as they are all committed to protecting the legacy of peace, harmony, and love put in place by their father and mother Chief & Mrs. Iyizoba Our condolences to Florence, Charles’ wife, his daughters, and the entire Iyizoba clan. Charles, you lived a good life. Adieu, Charles Iyizoba Mr. Obinna Nwakwesi Omekannia For Dr. Maduka Nwakwesi Family
MY DEAR BIG COUSIN, BARRISTER CHARLES IYIZOBA
It is with great shock that I took the news of your departure. I was planning to see you this Christmas; I didn’t know it was not to be. While working in Irving and Bonnar Lagos, in the ‘90s, you were the only family member I had in Lagos and we bonded with my weekend hangout at your house in Apapa GRA Lagos. You are very kind-hearted and loving. You are always willing to help and fun to be with. May your gentle soul continue to rest in the bosom of the Lord!! I will forever miss you!!
Do you wish to become the husband that your wife could brag about? Do you wish to be an epic lover, then watch this video of the twenty advice from Gerald Rogers, a man who lost his wife of 16 yrs on the advice he wished he had received.
Mothers are dominating at the Olympics, and their children are only encouraging them to reach greater success. Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce of Jamaica and Allyson Felix of the United States are just two women who work double duty as track and field stars and devoted mothers to their children.
In a progressive culture that consistently demonizes motherhood as a setback or as less than advantageous, they both serve as a wonderful testament to the beauty and purpose found in motherhood.
Fraser-Pryce, a 34-year-old sprinter and “Mommy Rocket” won silver on Saturday in the 100-meter final with a time of 10.74 seconds. Above all else, Fraser-Pryce prioritizes her 3-year-old son, Zyon, who often travels around the world with her to meets.
Fraser-Pryce reminisced on Facebook, “All my focus heading into training for my 2017 season was on getting healthy and putting myself in the best possible fitness to successfully defend my title in London 2017, but . . . here I am thinking about being the greatest mother I can be.”
American Allyson Felix also finds immense joy in her daughter as a track and field star. The 35-year-old has won nine medals across four Olympics, the most of any female athlete in U.S. track and field. Wednesday morning, she secured a spot in the 400-meter final. Felix is also scheduled to compete in the 1600-meter relay and 1600-meter mixed relay.
Giving birth to a child as an elite athlete is not easy, and it was made even more difficult because Felix was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and had to deliver her daughter, Camryn, two months early via Cesarean section. Camryn is now a strong and healthy 2-year-old.
Felix attested to the beauty and purpose found in motherhood on Tuesday after she qualified for the 400-meter dash, saying, “It’s changed everything. It’s given me a different drive. I’ve had so many challenges because of it and so I think it’s even more meaningful now to be on this stage as a mom.”
During her pregnancy, Felix wrote a May 2019 New York Time op-ed accusing her longtime sponsor, Nike, of penalizing her and other pregnant athletes, and said her “natural desire for a family” resulted in the “kiss of death” from the company. Though the athletics brand made changes regarding its policies for pregnant and parenting athletes, Felix left to sign with Gap’s Athleta.
Fraser-Pryce and Felix both set compelling examples as career women with children, but Olympic hopeful Brianna McNeal provides a sad example of an athlete who decided to prioritize expediency over what’s right.
The 29-year-old, who won gold in the 100-meter hurdles in the 2016 Rio Olympics, experienced a series of setbacks and poor choices that barred her from competing at this year’s Tokyo Olympics. McNeal was provisionally suspended in January and consequently given a five-year ban two months ago for skipping a January 2020 drug test. McNeal said that she missed the drug test because she was on bed rest recovering from an abortion when the official knocked on her door.
The Court of Arbitration for Sport dismissed McNeal’s appeal and upheld its decision on July 2, barring her from competing at the games. She rebuked the appeal, explaining that she was “under physical and mental trauma” the day of the drug test.
She lamented, “Right now I feel excommunicated from the sport itself and stigmatized, and to me it is unfair. I just don’t believe that this warranted a suspension at all, much less a five-year suspension, for just a technicality, an honest mistake during a very emotional time.”
Yet the ban followed a track record of McNeal missing these tests. Four years ago, she received a year-long ban for missing three tests in a 12-month period. Gabbi Cunningham, who finished fourth in qualifiers, replaced McNeal.
Though perhaps inadvertently, Fraser-Pryce and Felix exemplify pro-life values that transcend their vocation. Instead of terminating their pregnancies to extend the trajectory of their track careers, they bravely faced the challenge head on, all while benefiting from the fulfillment of motherhood.
Every child, it is said, is a gift with one mouth to feed, two hands to help, and one brain to innovate. This is true even for a child born as a result of rape or kidnapping. Such was the case in the film Room (2015), which told the story of a young girl kidnapped and held hostage by a pervert for seven years. Joy Newsom (Brie Larson) was only 17 years old when her life was turned upside down when a man tricked her into his garage and locked the door. She stayed for seven years, weeping and begging for death a million times, but he foiled all her attempts to flee or kill herself.
But everything changed after she had a child. There’s something about a child that inspires hope.
“My whole world changed when I had Jack (Jacob Tremblay) because he was so beautiful,” Joy said after being released from captivity, and she became irritated when the interviewer insensitively asked her why she raised Jack in captivity rather than encouraging her captor to take him away.
“He restored meaning to my life.” When asked if it bothered her that Jack’s biological father is a pervert, Joy replied, “Everything about that child is me, he has nothing to do with him, because being a father is not about fathering a child, it is about loving a child,” and she clung to her son, protecting him in every way, ensuring that her captor never saw him or felt threatened by him so that he wouldn’t kill him or take him away from her. For example, whenever he is around and having his way with her, she will hide him in the closet. But when he’s gone, Joy will bathe and clean him, and they’ll play and exercise together. Her son Jack greatly helped her in survival, and when he was five, she began planning their escape.
She eventually convinced her captor that Jack was dead, and as he was on his way to bury him, Jack escaped and alerted a passerby, who called the police, who located his mother and freed her.
The film has won numerous awards and was voted one of the best films of 2015, not only because it elicited strong emotions in viewers who wondered what could account for the great evil found in the human heart and what drives people to do unspeakable things like this, but also because it demonstrates that in the end, good triumphs over evil. The birth of Jack in the midst of captivity and despair was a gift to his mother, helping her hold on to the tread of life, which would have easily snapped if he hadn’t been there. That is why those who advocate for abortion even in the most heinous circumstances are so mistaken because a child is a blessing and a source of hope for even the most hopeless.
“You cannot wait for everything to be perfect before you decide to be happy,” these were stunning words from Jane, a 30 year old young woman recently won a golden buzzer for her original song “it’s Ok” But what captivated and captured hearts of audience and viewers around world was that she has advance cancer and yet smiles shares happiness all around.
The judges and audience at the American got talent (AGT) where taken aback when she casually told them she has been dealing with cancer. “When they last tested, I had cancer in my lungs, spine, and liver,” she said, “but I want all to know that I am much more important than all the bad things that has happen to me.”
And a lot has happen to her including the loss of her husband of 5 years who abandoned her in 2020 because of her illness which started two years after their marriage. She is presently going through chemotherapy with the resultant weight and hair loss and the cancer keeps recurring, doctors says she has just two percent chance of surviving.
“Yet two percent is not zero, and people don’t know how amazing that is,” she said.
“I have had cancer three times now, and I have barely passed thirty” she said. “There are times when I wonder what I must have done to deserve such a story. I fear sometimes that when I die and meet with God that He will say I disappointed him, or offended him, or failed Him.”
On the contrary, God must be rather pleased with her ability to be happy in spite of all and right now she is an inspiration to millions who perhaps do not know how to be happy.
“You cannot wait for everything to be perfect before you decide to be happy,” she said to the lead Judge Simon who was struggling to find words to describe her courage and cheerfulness in the face of so much suffering. Words many people around the world would forever remember when they have to deal with one trouble or the other in their lives. And for that Simone gave her the golden buzzer even with the stunning rendition of her original song to a standing ovation
As for me, Jane Marczewski is a most inspiring young woman, an angelic example to many who bulk in the face of inexplicable suffering and losing their happiness become a prey to the vicious wolf of sadness and depression. This woman shines a brilliant light through the tunnel of darkness. I love her
In today’s sexually permissive world, hardly have people met but they already thinking of having sex yet there are people who sincerely value sex, and know that it is best within a lifelong commitment of marriage and would like to keep their virginity till their wedding night as a special gift to their husband’s and future father of their children but they find themselves pressured, seduced, tempted and literally forced to give it. This is the case of 21 year old, Caroline, a tall, a good looking girl with large dark eyes and full lips; she is madly in love with Mike, athletic and intelligent, and handsome in mischievous but Mike wants sex. She puts it this way:
How do I make my boyfriend understand that I love him so much but I’m just not ready for sex yet?
I’m 21 and a virgin. I’ve known him for about two months but we’ve been dating for about a month. He’s really nice, really sweet, He’s basically everything I want and I really love him. He’s more experienced than I am socially, sexually and so on. I’m ridiculously quiet, shy and reserved. The first time I visited him, we kissed and got all romantic but I told him that I’m a virgin and I’m not ready yet. He said I should let someone who loves me disvirgin me (meaning I should let him do it). But I insisted and he stopped.
I was supposed to meet him the next day, He texted me and told me he wants us to make love. I told him I’m not yet ready. I’ve been able to resist his requests for sex. Every time we meet he asks for it. Every single time.
He told me one time that we are not kids, we are adults that we should behave like adults……I should behave like an adult. That he can’t keep doing this. That he has emotions and he doesn’t want to cheat on me but if I keep refusing he might be tempted to cheat.
I feel so pressured. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. But i want my first time to happen when I’m ready and without one single doubt. I don’t want to regret the day i lost my virginity. I think he’s gradually pulling away from me because of this. Because I can’t give him what he wants so badly. I don’t know how long I will be able to resist the requests.
I fear => I might end up having sex with him just to make him happy, or I might loose him because I couldn’t have sex with him
I don’t know what to do. I love to do. I love him so much. I’ve never felt this way about anyone
Any advice?
My advice to Carol is to think about the other girls who were part of Mike’s past sexual experiences what happened to them? Why did he ditch them? Perhaps they have given him sex made him happy and now he has left them. Same would happen to her if he gets the sex he wants from her. Furthermore, Mike is sweet and charming because that how he attracts girls, and she is attracted to him because he is sweet and nice, but she better beware, for it soon wears thin.
Similarly, Carol thinks that she really loves him, but the question is does he really love her? If he does, then what is he waiting for? Why does he not propose to her and let them get married? If he does not, then they are both wasting each other’s time, and worse she could get hurt.
In addition, when she tells him that she is not ready for sex, and he says she should let someone who loves her disvirgin her, meaning that she should let him do it. So Mike here isn’t proposing but wants her virginity. Rob Kowalski in his blog on 10 reasons not to have sex before marriage says that people find it difficult to understand “no sex before marriage” but when you say no “sex before love” they get it, but then how do people know they love each other? The answer would be if they want to marry each other. If a Mike truly loves Carol the only proof of that is that he would want to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her, if he is doe not, then he is simply lusting after her body and he would be done with her as soon as he has had his satisfaction and that is the truth, any other way you look at it is a lie. Now the funny thing is that we human have a high tendency to deceive ourselves, to believe even lies so that we get what we went, it is easy to believe or make ourselves believe that someone loves us, but the only way to find out if what is believe is true is to test it. Thus if Mike says to Carol, “Because I love you lets have sex,” Carol should say to him, “If you love me, prove it, marry me and then you can have all the sex you want.” Let’s see how that works out. My guess is that Mike would probably run away and never come back. Thus marriage is the real test of love, talk is cheap, marriage is action and that is hard. No one marries someone just to have sex, but people marry because they love.
Yet according to Carol, every time they meet, Mike asks for sex every single time and not once has he asked her to marry him. This guy is probably a sex addict, you see that is the thing, people think they can satisfy the urge for sex by having sex, rather the urge for sex only grows fiercer the more sex they have. Mike has had plenty of sex, and with girls he never would marry so he only sees sex when he sees a woman and Carol is no different to him than the other girls he has used and moved on. All that sweet talk and nicety is to attract girls like sugar attracts ants and he is unrelenting in his demand for sex gradually wearing Carol down, the only goal, the mains aim is her body, to have sex with her and nothing more. His urge is growing with each conquest and he is not going to stop with Carol. Furthermore, multiple sex partners increases Mike’s chance of having a sexually transmitted disease (STD) which he would soon transmit to Carol. Furthermore, men don’t get pregnant and that’s why sex for them, sex is risk free, but not for girls,; there is a good possibility that Carol could get pregnant and since Mike does not love her enough to marry her, she could find herself having a baby with someone who doesn’t want her around him forever, and that is a bad, this could get her into having an abortion (which is killing of a human being by the way) or having to be an unwed mother.
Again, Carol should know that easy come easy go, what comes easy is often not cherished. I think it was Mohammed Ali that said that diamonds are buried deep underground thus by the efforts it takes to get them they are often very expensive and hence very much treasured, if they were easy to get, then they would not be so valuable. Furthermore, as Rob Kowalski puts it rather simplistically that, in a relationship, a man says to a woman, “I will give you security (marriage) if you give me sex.” Thus a woman who gives sex without receiving security is often regarded as a hoe, while the man who gets sex without giving security is often praised as a stud. But in reality it is much more than that, since sex has a much deeper meaning especially in a Christian context, sex is the consummation or the fulfillment of the covenantal self exchange between a man and woman, as the Holy book says, “By this a man would leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh,” Sex is the physical expression of the self donation between the man and woman when they exchange the marital vows, “I am yours and you are mine” which is by its very nature is meant to last till death. So it makes little sense to have sex with someone who has not made a prior commitment to become yours forever, and think about it, your future husband would be very happy that you did not sleep with all those men. And finally, physical attraction diminishes and wears off with time and if there is nothing connecting two people together other than physical sex attraction then they are treading on very thin ice. This is again were marriage plays a significant role because two people who are married are admitting that their relationship goes way beyond the physical, they want to remain with each other come what may and are willing to face the odds of life together, in other words, it is a clear demonstration of their firm love and lasting friendship which nothing can stand in the way.
Below are interesting videos on strategies to use if you have a boyfriend and wish to keep your virginity till marriage
Authors-choice: Hope & Revival 