Still a Virgin and not ready for sex but boyfriend is asking? How not to lose your Virginity before marriage.

26 05 2021

In today’s sexually permissive world, hardly have people met but they already thinking of having sex yet there are people who sincerely value sex, and know that it is best within a lifelong commitment of marriage and would like to keep their virginity till their wedding night as a special gift to their husband’s and future father of their children but they find themselves pressured, seduced, tempted and literally forced to give it. This is the case of 21 year old, Caroline, a tall, a good looking girl with large dark eyes and full lips; she is madly in love with Mike, athletic and intelligent, and handsome in mischievous but Mike wants sex. She puts it this way:

How do I make my boyfriend understand that I love him so much but I’m just not ready for sex yet?

I’m 21 and a virgin. I’ve known him for about two months but we’ve been dating for about a month. He’s really nice, really sweet, He’s basically everything I want and I really love him. He’s more experienced than I am socially, sexually and so on. I’m ridiculously quiet, shy and reserved. The first time I visited him, we kissed and got all romantic but I told him that I’m a virgin and I’m not ready yet. He said I should let someone who loves me disvirgin me (meaning I should let him do it). But I insisted and he stopped.

I was supposed to meet him the next day, He texted me and told me he wants us to make love. I told him I’m not yet ready. I’ve been able to resist his requests for sex. Every time we meet he asks for it. Every single time.

He told me one time that we are not kids, we are adults that we should behave like adults……I should behave like an adult. That he can’t keep doing this. That he has emotions and he doesn’t want to cheat on me but if I keep refusing he might be tempted to cheat.

I feel so pressured. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. But i want my first time to happen when I’m ready and without one single doubt. I don’t want to regret the day i lost my virginity. I think he’s gradually pulling away from me because of this. Because I can’t give him what he wants so badly. I don’t know how long I will be able to resist the requests.

I fear =>
I might end up having sex with him just to make him happy,
or I might loose him because I couldn’t have sex with him

I don’t know what to do. I love to do. I love him so much. I’ve never felt this way about anyone

Any advice?

My advice to Carol is to think about the other girls who were part of Mike’s past sexual experiences what happened to them? Why did he ditch them? Perhaps they have given him sex made him happy and now he has left them. Same would happen to her if he gets the sex he wants from her. Furthermore, Mike is sweet and charming because that how he attracts girls, and she is attracted to him because he is sweet and nice, but she better beware, for it soon wears thin.

Similarly, Carol thinks that she really loves him, but the question is does he really love her? If he does, then what is he waiting for? Why does he not propose to her and let them get married? If he does not, then they are both wasting each other’s time, and worse she could get hurt.

In addition, when she tells him that she is not ready for sex, and he says she should let someone who loves her disvirgin her, meaning that she should let him do it. So Mike here isn’t proposing but wants her virginity. Rob Kowalski in his blog on 10 reasons not to have sex before marriage says that people find it difficult to understand “no sex before marriage” but when you say no “sex before love” they get it, but then how do people know they love each other? The answer would be if they want to marry each other. If a Mike truly loves Carol the only proof of that is that he would want to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her, if he is doe not, then he is simply lusting after her body and he would be done with her as soon as he has had his satisfaction and that is the truth, any other way you look at it is a lie. Now the funny thing is that we human have a high tendency to deceive ourselves, to believe even  lies so that we get what we went, it is easy to believe or make ourselves believe that someone loves us, but the only way to find out if what is believe is true is to test it. Thus if Mike says to Carol, “Because I love you lets have sex,” Carol should say to him, “If you love me, prove it, marry me and then you can have all the sex you want.” Let’s see how that works out. My guess is that Mike would probably run away and never come back. Thus marriage is the real test of love, talk is cheap, marriage is action and that is hard. No one marries someone just to have sex, but people marry because they love.

Yet according to Carol, every time they meet, Mike asks for sex every single time and not once has he asked her to marry him. This guy is probably a sex addict, you see that is the thing, people think they can satisfy the urge for sex by having sex, rather the urge for sex only grows fiercer the more sex they have. Mike has had plenty of sex, and with girls he never would marry so he only sees sex when he sees a woman and Carol is no different to him than the other girls he has used and moved on. All that sweet talk and nicety is to attract girls like sugar attracts ants and he is unrelenting in his demand for sex gradually wearing Carol down, the only goal, the mains aim is her body, to have sex with her and nothing more. His urge is growing with each conquest and he is not going to stop with Carol. Furthermore, multiple sex partners increases Mike’s chance of having a sexually transmitted disease (STD) which he would soon transmit to Carol. Furthermore, men don’t get pregnant and that’s why sex for them, sex is risk free, but not for girls,; there is a good possibility that Carol could get pregnant and since Mike does not love her enough to marry her, she could find herself having a baby with someone who doesn’t want her around him forever, and that is a bad, this could get her into having an abortion (which is killing of a human being by the way) or having to be an unwed mother.

Again, Carol should know that easy come easy go, what comes easy is often not cherished. I think it was Mohammed Ali that said that diamonds are buried deep underground thus by the efforts it takes to get them they are often very expensive and hence very much treasured, if they were easy to get, then they would not be so valuable. Furthermore, as Rob Kowalski puts it rather simplistically that,   in a relationship, a man says to a woman, “I will give you security (marriage) if you give me sex.” Thus a woman who gives sex without receiving security is often regarded as a hoe, while the man who gets sex without giving security is often praised as a stud. But in reality it is much more than that, since sex has a much deeper meaning especially in a Christian context, sex is the consummation or the fulfillment of the covenantal self exchange between a man and woman, as the Holy book says, “By this a man would leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh,” Sex is the physical expression of the self donation between the man and woman when they exchange the marital vows, “I am yours and you are mine” which is by its very nature is meant to last till death. So it makes little sense to have sex with someone who has not made a prior commitment to become yours forever, and think about it,  your future husband would be very happy that you did not sleep with all those men.  And finally, physical attraction diminishes and wears off with time and if there is nothing connecting two people together other than physical sex attraction then they are treading on very thin ice. This is again were marriage plays a significant role because two people who are married are admitting that their relationship goes way beyond the physical, they want to remain with each other come what may and are willing to face the odds of life together, in other words, it is a clear demonstration of their firm love and lasting friendship which nothing can stand in the way.

Below are interesting videos on strategies to use if you have a boyfriend and wish to keep your virginity till marriage





To love and to be loved: Lady Bird (Review)

18 04 2021
Saoirse Ronan and Laurie Metcalf play a daughter and mother who clash and connect in Lady Bird.

Today being mother’s day, I would like to dedicate a piece not just to mothers but especially to any mother who is experiencing the searing pain of being a failure in their children’s eye

This was the case of young, Christine (Saoirse Ronan) in the movie Lady Bird (2017), her desires for parties, boys and prom lead to frequent clash with her poor mother. She selfishly wished for another mother, someone richer, more beautiful or elegant and even made up stories of being born in palatial house for her friends at school hoping they never find out.  She was also ashamed of her unemployed father and wouldn’t let him drop her off at her school gates so her friends wouldn’t to get to know him or see their battered car. However, in trying to correct her daughter, her mother often gave in to resentment and anger and the recrimination and bickering escalated to such extent that, one day, to her mother’s horror, Christine leaped out of a moving car they were driving in.

It is a wonderful film and I would recommend it any parent who desires to understand the myriads social pressures bearing down on minds of the young girls and perhaps learn how to listen for the unspoken words and never ever lose their temper. It is important to know that children in their teens are in a delicate place full of insecurities, hormonal desires and unformed ambition that needs proper channeling, and that they just don’t know how to deal with it and knowing who to trust at this point in life can save them a lot of pains, and by avoiding arguments and shouting parent can help them grow out of their shame and discomfort and overcome peer pressure much more quickly. Furthermore, an important part of parenting is correcting children when they step out of line, nevertheless, when corrections must be made, it I best done without bitterness and rancor that only serves to escalate tensions. As we all know, it has never been easy to raise children, but it is exponentially more difficult in our time with the corruptive influence of social media transferring negative norms difficult to shield children from but if parents are strong and hope in the God, things will work out in the end, no matter how long it takes. For some it might take years, many  broken hearts, abortions, and even drug addiction, nevertheless, if parents remain strong and steadfast in their love, it will work out in the end, as it did for Christine who in the discovers that the boyfriend she adores is a homosexual, and another who took her virginity cares nothing for her and that she is just one more among many he sleeps around with, she finally discerns that all that glitters isn’t  gold, and that true gold in life is to  love and to be loved in return and after one Saturday night of binge drinking and ending up in a hospital, she realizes that she is killing herself and returns to her senses and goes repentant to Church and begins to reciprocate her mother’s love.

by Chinwuba Iyizoba 





Feminist Chimpanzee and Jane Goodall

15 11 2020

I recently watched a documentary on the life of Jane Goodall, the British woman who studied the life of chimpanzees in the African wild. Though I enjoyed it very much, it seems her fame was due more to her stunning looks and aquiline beauty than to her studies. Still , her “Tarzan-like” courage is remarkable, and she definitely had a good nose for strong unpleasant stench, an invaluable asset in her line of work. There’s no doubt that she helped the world get a better glimpse of the private life of those hairy beasts, but even more importantly, her discoveries had remarkable influence on her own private life in ways that even she would not admit.

At the early stage of her expedition, she met and fell in love with Hugo, a young photographer who was sent by the National geographic to photograph and documents her work. It was a love affair that was– as far as all could see—unavoidable. Was there a better elixir of love than a scenario where two youngster are alone in an African jungle with to do than ogle each other and watch Chimpanzees?  

One day, Jane and Hugo were watching a female Chimp mating freely with several males who took turns with her. When afterwards, she became pregnant and gave birth to a baby chimp; all the male chimps previously enamored with her abandoned her to raise the child alone.  One could almost say that this female Chimp had as a natural gift, what modern feminist seek or aspire to achieve throughout sexual revolution of the 60: serial sexual partnerships with no strings attached. It can be argued female chimps had an advanced form of human feminism and high rate of single motherhood as well as lousy fatherhood, because the males play very little role in the family and the life of their offspring.

Furthermore, the couple confirmed by their observations that the female chimp with multiple sex partners, if they already had offspring,  was an embarrassment to their adolescent offspring, some of whom would even attack their mother’s lovers trying to break up the ongoing act. Thus multiple sex partnership similar to modern day serial divorce in human society was terribly upsetting even for children of irrational beasts. One could understand why it is even more distressing to human children. In a 2010 study, Donahue et al, demonstrated that adolescents whose parents were divorced were more likely to experience depression and a range of psychological problems.

In spite of all these discoveries, Jane and Hugo’s marriage would end in divorce a few odd years later, and Jane would go on and marry someone else, forgetting the odd grief of the adolescent chimps at their mother’s multiple sex partners. One would have expected her to spare her son the grief she had witnessed in the baby chimp. 

However, apart from this singular failure, Jane would successfully raised her son alone in the wild, struggling to replicate the love she witnessed that the mother chimps lavished on their children. But she also avoided the mistakes the mother chimps made in raising her infant son who became so attached to it’s mother and died when it’s mother died.

Fears of this propelled Jane to send her son away to a boarding school in London, a way of helping him gain greater independence from her, and perhaps have a  greater contact with his father and others male companies.

Surprisingly, Jane who was a passionate believer in evolution and a feminist, failed to make the connection that the very failures and weaknesses that threatened the extinction of these beasts are what is being proposed today in the modern world as progressivism. If evolution is movement from inferior intelligence to superior rational articulate intelligence, how do we account for the return to the instinctive “multiple sex partners” and the consequent “absent fatherhood” in our post modern world?  Perhaps instead of evolving we are actually devolving.

Prior to the sexual revolutions of 60’s multiple sex partnership, serial divorce, cohabitation and single motherhood— traits that Jane observed on chimp world–were abhorred in most human societies. The sexual revolution returned these straits back to human societies, a devolution back, from man to chimp. Today, only the Catholic church remains firm in her conviction that the sexual revolution is wrong, insisting that marriage is between one man and one woman, for life and maintaining that premarital sex and promiscuity are beneath the dignity of humans and indeed, by doing this, the Church is actually supporting science and evolutionary progress and rejecting the devolutionary agenda of the sexual revolution.





Molokia: True story of courageous Priest and Queen working in Leper’s colony

23 10 2020
Young Fr. Damien of Molokai

“I see another law in my member warring against the law of my mind, for when I wish to do go, I find that evil lies at hand.” These words of St. Paul are ever relevant in the life of all men no matter where they find themselves to be. Even in the leper’s colony of Molokia, among the lepers, the law of sin still holds sways, and men still hunger for sex amidst the flies and decaying flesh, as Fr. Damien would find out.

The movie Molokai (1999) is a true story of a young priest, Fr. Damien who volunteers to minister to the leper’s colony off the Hawaiian island of Molokai. He gets there to find not only decay and abandonment, but, worse, sex brothels! Men and women with half rotten limbs, soaking themselves in alcohol and sexually cavort with each other even though they are unsure that they would live to see another day. Fr .Damian instantly sets about rebuilding the broken Church and cleaning up to celebrate the Eucharist, and despite, his bishop’s repeated warning not to touch the lepers,  he warmly shakes the hands of a young boy who came to offer himself as his as altar boy.

As soon as he gets the chance, Fr. Damian rushes into the sex brothels and rescue the children among the inmates and starts a small clinic, and with some other healthier women volunteers, begin taken care of the sick and dying, but more important, he reawakens the love of God in the hearts of the inhabitants of the colony, most of whom have fallen into the despair, tormented with enormous doubt of the existence of God. Fr. Damien reminded them that, He, Jesus, who died on the Cross, bears their pain and isolation and suffering, reminded them that they should unite their torments with His, as atonement for the sin of the world. In short order, joy and singing could be heard in the community and people who have long given up all basic instincts of human decency begin to pick themselves up and clean up and sing. Though there was no cure for their illness, Fr. Damien’s love and compassion helped bring the light of God’ love piecing through the darkness and gloom in their hearts.

News of the revival at the camp soon reach the all Hawaii and the Governor and bishop are full of praises for Fr. Damien, yet when he began making demands for better housing, clothes and most important,  Christian nuns to come to the colony, he was met with severe opposition from the greedy Governor who was unwilling to lose his sources income he usually diverted for personal use, to the lepers colonies, and using the pretext of quarantine and  preventing infections, he bans  Fr. Damien from ever leaving the lepers island, such that he could not even come to make his confessions, and his bishop had to hear his  confession at sea.

When news of this incident reached the crown queen of Hawaii, Queen Liliʻuokalani, her heart was rent with sorrow, and in a magnificent display of love, she decides to visit the leper’s colony herself. It was the high point of the movie, a rare and almost unbelievable scene, and like, Theresa of Calcutta, this queen not only came to the leper’s colony, but picked up and hugged and kissed leper children, children with rotten limbs. Having seen for herself the good work that Fr. Damien was doing, she becomes his advocate and with her help and support he begin receiving more support from the governor and even from the ecclesiastical authorities.

Queen Liliʻuokalani of Hawaii

But the devil had more in stock for the young priest as he finds himself the object of intense sexual attention of one a young woman, Malulani who had been helping him with care for the others. One day, unable to control her passion, she bursts into his dormitory  pretending he seemed sad and dejected and she wished to comfort him cuddled up to him, but Fr. Damien, emphatically, ordered her to leave, saying to her, “You wish to destroy my life’s work?”  For a plate of beans, I would add.

How does the devil offer so little in exchange for Eternal life? For the undoing of  happiness of paradise, for which Fr. Damien  worked all his life,  the cleaning, scrubbing, smell and flies, he had endured for years, all that would have gone up in smoke in minutes for a few minutes of canal pleasure with a half dressed young woman. Yet countless men and women would take that deal. They give up the happiness of paradise, in marital fidelity for the passing pleasure of adultery, and extramarital sex. Innumerable priests and nuns abandon the prize of heaven for passion and license. Countless youth, toss unending happiness out the window at the behest of sex. Yet as Dr Peter Kreeft puts it, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot long keep for what he can never lose.” Many of the patients in that colony knew that they had but a short time before the disease consumed them, and that the time they had was a gift, a chance to get well prepared to pass the entrance exams of into life that never ends which for them was sure to come so soon. Yet even this imminence was insufficient and many still chose to hang on to whatever they could get from fleshy pleasures. Thanks to the courage and perseverance, by the time he lay dying of the leprosy he cleaned up in others, of Fr. Damien’s Molokai leper’s colony was blessed with a community of nuns to care for the sick and continue his life works. He died in 1936 and went like St. Paul to receive his rewards in paradise having fought the good fight and kept the faith.

Molokai: The Story of Father Damien

Article by Chinwuba Iyizoba 




“Cuties” is generating a lot of fury

3 10 2020

Netflix movie “Cuties” is generating a lot of fury and rightly so.  Every sane person would agree that there is something disturbing about watching a movie where minors are dancing seductively and sexually suggestively. It makes one feel uncomfortable. Even the name “Cutie” is resoundingly deceptive and is a reflection of the dishonestly misappropriated language that has a clear meaning and attributing to something else. The word “Cute” according to the dictionary is defined as something attractive or pleasing in a youthful, dainty, quaint or fun-spirited way.  This is not what sexually suggestive twerks by 10 yr old girls is, and people who think otherwise may rightly be suspected of harboring deviant desire. The rest of the normal people these dances less than cute, at best disturbing, or outright offensive and since it involves minors, criminal.

Why would a minor dance in a sexually provocative way? Is it to attract a mate? Minors aren’t legally permitted to mate, nor marry nor give birth. Why then would a minor be directed in a movie to perform sexual seductive acts? Is it to attract men?  Its crime for a man to be sexual involved with a minor. People who denounce this movie for preparing the ground for criminal acts are on track.

Perhaps, Netflix, together with those who produced the movie are aware of the hypocrisy that led to the success of playboy magazine back in the 50’s. When Hugh Hefner launched playboy in 1953, there was certainly a loud public outcry, and people lashed out against playboy and many families avoided going to a cinema advertising pornography, yet astonishingly, even as protests were on going, private purchase of pornographic VCR tapes was skyrocketing, and thus Hefner who was making big bucks couldn’t care less about public protest. He saw the protest for what it was worth, worthless hypocrisy.

Perhaps, Netflix, like Hefner, is determined to ride out the storm, stay the course and in the end make a lot of money. By being innovators of child pornography, they are rest assured that there will be plenty of bucks at the end of the tunnel. It may even be that Cuties is even at this moment experiencing a windfall in spite of the pretense at protest. Thus, those of us who wish to resist the Cuties “new normal” must guard against curiosity, and hypocrisy and stop privately funding Cuties by watching it in private or else we would be hypocritically cooperating in the triumph of sexual objectification of minors and would be no different from pedophiles for whom Netflix made this movie .

Furthermore, this is not an isolated incident. There are far worse content that we should all stand up against. The Internet is brimming with pornography websites, chief of which is Porn hub, a publicly listed company in USA, with more than 40 billion visitors yearly, where anyone can upload pornographic content no matter how deviant.  Research confirms that many of the content in these sites involve minors, kidnapped or trafficked women and children. Society cannot afford to turn a blind to these extremely hard core sites while fretting over Cuties because again, that would be hypocrisy. It is sad that studies has it that pornography addiction is very high among Christians who attend Church regularly, people who should be at the vanguard of the fight against pornography. Little wonder then that pornographer are getting richer by the hour. We all need to join hand together to fight this or else Netflix’s persistence will eventually lead to the normalization of film like Cuties.





Why is Hollywood is obsessed with sex?: The movie “Hologram for the King” should have been about other things

25 06 2020

To begin, I recently watched an old movie called “Hologram for the King.” In the movie, a mid-aged man (Tom Hanks) traveled to Saudi Arabia to pitch a proposal for a hologram to the oil rich king of Saudi Arabia. On arrival, he discovers to his astonishment that things were not what he expected. Apart from having to deal with the heat and the dust, the culture clash left him reeling, and to make matters worse, he had no clue when the king who is traveling all over the world was going to show up for the meeting. The king’s cousin who was in charge during his absence was equally elusive. To add, he had to deal with a mysterious lump on his back, which he attempted to explore with a kitchen knife causing enough bleeding for his friend and driver, Kareem, to convince him to see a doctor.
At the hospital, he encounters a middle-aged Saudi woman- doctor and of course, they fall in love and begin a secret escapade. Finally, Hanks abandons his wife and daughter in America and settles down in Saudi Arabia with his newfound love.
It is striking how quickly an apparently solid story rumples down to sex and animal attraction between two mid aged people.
I wonder why they did not call it “The sex life of a mid-aged couple.” It is a pity that in the entire length of the movie, the king, and the hologram appeared only for a few flickering seconds.
Why is sex, divorce, and marital infidelity so important a theme in Hollywood films?
Hanks ditches a daughter who loves him dearly. He ditches friends, family, and relatives—chuck all out to live in Saudi Arabia with a woman he barely knows and whose culture and life would be burdensome. With any luck, right thinking people would know that this is widely unrealistic and any man that does that deserves a movie made about him even less.
It is not very hard to imagine a better ending for this movie. Hanks, if he were a real man, would have realized immediately that relationship with this Saudi woman would be self-defeating. That it would end up hurting him and the people he loves. It should have hit him like ice water that a life’s commitments he has with his wife and daughter is invaluable and should not be traded for quick fixes and, moreover, in a few years, he would be old and wrinkled and she even more, since science says women age much faster than men do. If Hanks were a real man, he would have thought through and walked away from that short-lived pleasure. That would have been a better ending.

by
Chinwuba Iyizoba





Why LGBTQ+ advocates are pushing into shelters for homeless women?

18 03 2020

Rep Mike Quigley, recently attacked Dr. Ben Carson for not implementing laws permitting men to sleep in single sex shelter for homeless women.

Quigley, a democrat and an avowed LGBTQ+ advocate accused Carson,  United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, of delaying the implementation of an Obama era laws that granted full access rights to people who are not women but who say they are (Trans- women)  into single sex shelters for homeless women.  Carson said he has been delaying implementing the laws because it compromises the safety of women, exposing them to the real possibility of sexual assault.

Carson argued that everyone gets equal rights but no one gets extra rights. He said that throwing open the doors of single sex shelter for homeless women to biological males who claim to be women would violate the rights of women living in these shelters. It would be in fact permitting transgender rights to ride roughshod over the rights of women.  Carson recounted stories of homeless women terrified of hairy-legged men having full access to their bathroom.

however, Quigley ignored him while attempting to portray him as a bigot fostering discrimination against Trans-people who the law granted every right to be in the same shelter as women regardless of the risk.

 “Are you saying that if someone doesn’t like someone else in that shelter, for whatever reasons, that you can allow discrimination against those people,” Quigley scoffed.

“No, what I’m saying is that we have to take everybody’s feelings into consideration,” Carson replied calmly. “You can’t just select a group and say that their feelings trump everyone else’s groups.”

 Carson then called out Quigley for being passionate about transgender rights and asked him to proffer a solution that can ensure fair and equal treatment and harmonize the fear that real women have in sharing room and board with transgender. Quigley retorted that his solution is simply to apply the law and give the LGBTQ+ all they want irrespective of the objections of the traumatized and abused women.

You can watch the video below

All over the world, advocates of transgender are pushing laws and legislation to criminalize ordinary people who disagree with or hold views opposing theirs.  The powerful Trans-lobby and what they want is not acceptance but the jettisoning of values held to be true by every right thinking person.

Transgender ideologues preach that biological sex is not the same as gender and that people can be born in one sex but identify in another. Put plainly, a man can choose to be a woman anytime and in any place and the law will protect him and compel people and institutions to accord him the privilege of being a woman!

This might sound crazy to right thinking people but that is how it is. They are ready to use force, the coercive power of law to arm-twist those who do not agree. The United Nations on February 2020 released a document that claimed that religious reasons are the top reasons why people discriminate against women, girls,  gays, lesbians, bisexual and LGBTQ+ people and henceforth  urged governments the world over, to use force of law to curb religious freedom rather than violate the rights of LGBTQ+ people.

Yet many religions cannot accept this new and scientifically unproven transgender theory regardless of momentum. Christianity and specifically, the Catholic Church, holds a view confirmed by science that sex is the same as gender and that there are just two genders. According to Patrick Parkinson, a professor of law at the Queensland University in Australia,  the Christian principle of “love thy neighbor as yourself” applies regardless of people’s  sexual orientation, and no Christian can mistreat a transgender person  without violating this principle. He went on to say that, the idea that gender is fluid as touted by the transgender movement is as unscientific as it is ambiguous, and people of faith cannot accept them especially when it imposes a burden that cannot be borne without injury to conscience and faith.

Such was the case of a 24-year-old teacher in a Cathedral High School in Indianapolis who contracted a gay marriage in clear violation of what he knew was the school’s stands. The school authorities, after a long deliberation, forced to chose between interminable court cases on the one hand, and on the other, a real possibility of losing its catholic identity and scandalizing young pupils, they decided to terminate his appointment and face the music. The teacher filed a lawsuit in July last 2019. Luckily, the United States Department rallied to the defense of the school citing that the first amendment right protects faith-based group’s freedom of religion.  As of today there are numerous lawsuits that gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender and LGBTQ+ persons or their sponsors have  filed against faith based conscientious objectors coupled with intimidations, vilification and harassment of dissenting voices be it in politics or the academia.

Scientists explain Transgender as a kind of madness, as a neurological disorder. According to a research on the new Atlantis online journal, many Trans-people suffer from mental illness and suicidal ideation—symptoms not necessarily alleviated by sex change operations.  Yet rather than provide medical help to these people, the United Nation and many powerful agencies would rather force us to accept without choice or questions their theories and bend our minds to theirs.

This refuted theory, promoted by mainstream media and Hollywood, is trying to convince the world that there is a ‘gay gene’ just like there is female gene, that gays and LGBTQ+ are thus “born that way”, and thus since it is unconscionable to discriminate against women or girls because of their gender, it’s wrong to discriminate against Trans.

The problem is that unlike real women who have a fixed gender. Trans-people get to choose their gender, even without relinquishing the advantages that the birth gender gives them. Thus, a man who says he is a girl can compete in high girls high school sports against biological girls and have legal protection to do so.

The decisive factor here is that Trans-activists want to accepted as biological girls, boys, men or women and not as transgender. They are not fighting to hold on to what they believe but to destroy what everyone else believes. They wish everyone else to do them the favor of dismissing their worldview and swallowing theirs hook line and sinker and the United Nations wants to make sure they do that legally.

Yet, they say that the taste of the pudding is in the eating. Somebody regrets it all.  Walt Heyer, a business executive, a husband, and father, went from being a man to a woman at the age of 42, lived as a woman for 8 years, and did not like it. He has since returned his manhood and is now exposing the lie behind the transgender ideology. He says that transitioning to a woman did not solve his problem and even compounded them and he has since started a website to help others in his shoe who feels tired of the lies to come out and return to their normal life.

“No one can change his or her own sex, it is impossible, it is delusional, and it is a mental illness,” Walt says at the beginning of this documentary.

What drives this strange ideology?

The simple answer is money. Trans sex conversion therapy is a 200 million dollar industry and it is expanding; surge in demand means that manufacturers of hormones blockers and estrogens are making large profit; spikes in double mastectomy and genital reconstruction surgeries in Europe and America means that surgical clinics are struggling to meet demands and smiling to the banks.  Moreover, for those who change their minds, an even more expensive re-conversion procedure ensures no end to this flow of money.

 Politicians get donations and campaign funding. Transgender moneybags funded the election and re-election of Barack Obama. Former United States Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, in his book, “Duty, a Memoir,” said that Obama took anything that affected the gays or LGBTQ+ people, personal. This perhaps will account for why the former president passionately promoted LGBT+ agenda all the way to Africa.

it is however doubtful Africans will ever buy into this dangerous hoax on the scale seen in the west. Reason being that African cannot afford it. Sex conversion surgeries cost money, the kind of money only the super rich can afford.  Expectedly, it will remain a malady afflicting rich countries. Still it is doing a lot of harm. 41-year-old Marcus Fitz of California says that the clinic physically butchered him during his conversion surgeries, and that it traumatized him mentally. Many are disappointed with the result of the painful and expensive genitalia reconstruction that hardly turn out like the real thing. It is high time the world held the  United Nations and dishonest politicians like Mike Quigley accountable for their double standards in condemning female genital mutilation (FGM) in Africa whilst encouraging young boys and girls in the west to mutilate themselves by surgically removing healthy breasts and penises under the influence pseudo scientific transgender ideology.

Chinwuba iyizoba is the Editor of Authors-choice





Peer pressure: The Caving of Miley Cyrus

12 08 2019

By Chinwuba Iyizoba

There is a saying that the corruption of the best is the worst. This rings true in case of Miley Cyrus, a once adorable chastely clad girl who attended church regularly while growing up and wore a purity ring.

 At 11, she became a teen idol with millions of fans for her role in Disney Channel television series Hannah Montana.

She went from success to success, earning golden globe awards and was ranked the 4th best selling female artist in 2009. Her Hannah Montana soundtrack sold millions of copies. The taste of success was sweet as she performed for Queen Elizabeth II and other members of the British Royal Family at the Royal Variety Performance in Blackpool, Lancashire.

Unfortunately, in 2010, things took a bad turn. Her film “The Last Song (2010), based on the Nicholas Sparks novel did badly, her studio album that same year was a commercial failure.

Attributing her string of failures to her unsexy image, she parted way with her old manager and hired a new one who advised her to take a wrecking ball to decent girl image.

She heeded the advice and transformed from wholesomeness to the highly sexualized woman we see today. 

In a video interview in 2014, she shared her transformation story

“It was always Miley is boring, boring, boring she said, revealing the unrelenting peer pressure with which modern showbiz stars have to contend.

 She didn’t need much convincing though, she loved being a superstar and if going bare will keep her there, so be it!

 Against her mother’s advice, she ditched her decent garments for naked profanity. Her 2013 album “Wrecking Ball” showed her swinging naked on a wrecking ball. It was viewed over nineteen million times within its first day of release and became first single to top the Hot 100 chart in the United States having sold over two million copies.

Fame and power– honey she had once tasted and loved– flowed back into her tongue in torrents. Today, she is worth somewhere around $200 million.

In same video above, her mother said she doesn’t agree with everything Miley does but added, “We must understand that we are dealing with a 21 yro girl, and this is what 21 yr olds do, Miley is just doing hers in front of the world.”

Yet private things are best kept from the world.

True, parents should allow their adult children freedom to live their lives, yet they should never abandon their duty to correct them when they go wrong especially if it is due to peer pressure.

Public nakedness is wrong because it can provoke extreme revulsion or extreme attraction; the same parts of the body that attract sexually are also the same ones that repulsive during excretion. That’s why decent people choose to be naked only in private, and before people who they trust. Exposing of private parts to strangers can incite lust or derision. Of the two, lust is the more dangerous.

Lust is a craving force that can lead to crimes like rape, and murder. Sex when abused has a markedly disastrous effect on society. According to C.S Lewis, “Someone who abuses sex may easily populate a whole village.”

It is thus common sense to control and moderate this power through decent clothing. To dress modestly is to live charitably with other, for it is charity to avoid arousing lust or revulsion in others. Unfortunately, modern showbiz only care for money.

Today’s showbiz stars must dance naked before camera crew if they want money, power and fame. It is the echo of the ancient serpentine offer, “All the kingdoms of the world I will give thee. If you fall down and worship me.” Jesus may have rejected that offer but many celebrities are grabbing it with both hands.

Yet as scripture says, “The canal cannot see God,” Miley regularly wears devil horns on stage,and continues degenerating to vicious license, and things are going dark quickly for her.

Slave of sex and selfish, she is incapable of faithful lifelong love. She recently ditched her husband Liam Hemsworth for a lesbian, after just 8 months of marriage.

She’s now a frenetic supporter of every sexual deviate.  Bent on sexualizing her teen followers, she is a strong advocate of abortion, and infanticide, and recently posted a picture on Instagram, with her serpent tongue on an abortion cake

Her addicted fans hail her as Queen and like puppets are imitating her excesses to their own destruction.

Miley Cyrus dances pornographically atop the grave of chaste Hanna Montana, however, she and her unscrupulous collaborators should know that there is a huge and devastating cost to what they are doing.

According to researcher, Patrick Fagan PhD, internet pornography is killing families and is responsible for 50% of divorces with over 40million addicts in the US alone.

And just like drug addicts have a powerful tendency to violence to satisfy cavings; porn addiction is linked to rape and other sex crimes. FBI’s own statistics show that pornography is found at 80% of the scenes of violent sex crimes, or in the homes of the perpetrators.”

 A great percentage of Miley’s 44 million Facebook followers are teen boys who do badly at school because porn exposure is linked to problems with problem-solving, reasoning and comprehension abilities, all of which are necessary to succeed in school.

These are real costs, borne by ordinary people, parents of families, mothers and fathers husbands and wives. They would do well to protect their homes and children from these disruptive influences by monitoring the type of social media content their wards consume.

Still, it must be remembered that Jesus did not come to save the righteous but sinners. With more energetic supernatural means of prayer and fasting, the corrupted can be purified to shine brighter than diamond. Let us not leave this soul sunk in her wantonness for want of prayer and fasting.

Chinwuba Iyizoba is the Editor of Authors-choice and an author.





Surviving Adultery: Story of Kobe &Vanessa Bryant

26 06 2019
Kolbe and Vanessa Braynt
Kobe and Vanessa Bryant

There is a saying that the most beautiful woman has not yet been born. If a husband does not guard his eyes, he will ditch his wife. Basket ball superstar, Kobe Bryant (25) learnt this the hard way in 2003 when a 19 yro woman accused him of raping her in his hotel room.

Facing a 25 yrs to life jail sentence, he initially rebutted the allegation, but when police told him they had evidence, he firmly denied raping her but confessed to having sex with her which was adultery against his wife of two years and mother of his daughter. Further probe exposed strings of affairs with other women unknown to his wife.

Due to inconsistency in the woman’s testimonies and her refusal to testify in court, the case never went to trial and was settled out of court. Yet, much damage has been done to Bryant’s career but more important, to his marriage.  His wife, Vanessa, felt deeply betrayed and humiliated but unlike other woman didn’t immediately file for divorce.

Perhaps, she understood what most people do not understand: adulterous men are often victims of their own weaknesses: a deep inclination to respond sexually to the sight of any beautiful woman.

In the video, “Sex and the power of visuals,” Dennis Prager argues that the mere sight of a beautiful woman alone is enough to sexual arouse an average normal man yet it takes far more to arouse a woman.  That is why men spend millions annually to see women with little or no clothing on. Magazines market their products with pictures of women with little to no clothing on, or even parts of women, like legs and breasts. (See video below)

On the other hand, many women commit adultery not because of an overwhelming sex urge on sighting a handsome man, but because they are looking for something or are in one form of trouble or another. In many cases, financial difficulties push wives into adultery, especially when their husbands are struggling financially or when they are emotionally or sexually dissatisfied or desire children that their husbands can’t give; studies also show that women are more attracted to men who are successful–superstars, men with money.

At a net worth of millions of dollars, Kobe had lots of female fans who would literally do anything for him, no holds barred, even setting sexual traps. As the story went his rape accuser had offered to show him the tattoo on her back.

To be faithful, it therefore means that a man must guard his eyes and thus his heart. An involved effort not to “look” at a beautiful woman is hard swallow for many men, yet with little effort of self-mastery, it can be learnt. There is a subtle difference between “looking” and “seeing”. A man can “see” a woman without necessarily “looking” at her–which is taking in the details of her size, shape and figure. A husband who is looking at a woman who isn’t his wife is merely looking for trouble and is on a short route to infidelity. It goes without saying that husbands who watch internet pornography are willing dupes of Satan who has them bound in cast iron chains on the path to marital destruction.

Forgiveness and mercy

Many spouses wouldn’t be quick to run to  divorce courts if they knew that in most cases, adultery stems from weakness on the part of the offending spouse rather than malice or an absence of love. Studies show that 56% of husbands who admitted to cheating said that they were happy with their marriages while 34% of adulterous wives rated their marriage as “happy”.When spouses better understand the factors enabling adultery, they can easily overcome angst and work towards helping their spouses overcome their weaknesses.

Vanessa Bryant overcame her angst and  “manned” up to the task of helping her husband overcome his failings by talking with a priest.

“One thing that really helped me during that process was talking to a priest and that was the turning point,” Kobe told GQ Magazine.

“It was actually kind of funny: He looks at me and says, ‘Did you do it?’ And I say, ‘Of course not.’ Then he asks, ‘Do you have a good lawyer?’ And I’m like, ‘Uh, yeah, he’s phenomenal.’ So then he just said, ‘Let it go. Move on. God’s not going to give you anything you can’t handle, and it’s in his hands now. This is something you can’t control. So let it go.”

Talking with a priest or going for “spiritual direction” is not only popular among Catholics like Kobe and Venessa Bryant, but is often practiced by many people unawares. People seek the advice of a mechanic or a plumber because they know more about cars and plumbing. Likewise when sick, people go to speak to a doctor. Bryant was spiritually sick, he cheated on his wife and was facing jail term; he was in need of spiritually healing and needed talk with a good mender of bad souls.

Everyone who has read the bible is familiar with the story of King David who committed adultery with Uriah’s wife and to cover up his crimes had Uriah killed in a battle, but God sent the prophet Nathan to talk to him and acknowledged his sins and repented.

When people are ill, they go to a doctor, and not just any doctor but a good doctor.  Accordingly, couples should do what in business is called “due diligence” to find the best spiritual consultant to solve their problems. Be he a priest, a relative or a friend, he should be a person who leads a worthy life, with a deep piety, wisdom, experience, maturity, zeal for souls and an unquestionable faithfulness to all the Church’s teaching. He need not have formal training in spiritual direction.

Couples should remember that it’s not just a one off talk; they should try to make it a regular visit because healing can take many years and the root cause of infidelity may lie in deep recesses difficult to reach. Thus regular spiritual direction will help couples talk over issues relating to their marriage and family, work, friendship, and social life and this can bring them closer together. There should be an effort to address a very particular area of their life which needs improvement, that defect or fault that keeps them from making more rapid progress.  From time to time they may simply need to unburden themselves of unexpected joys and sorrows that come their way.  If they are seeing a priest for direction, they may also want to avail themselves of the Sacrament of Penance, adding the sacramental grace to the actual graces received from being open and docile in spiritual direction.

Thus every spouse should know that adultery isn’t necessarily the end of marriage. If the offending spouse is served understanding, forgiveness and mercy rather than divorce papers, marital harmony may return even richer. This was how the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant saved their marriage and they have been married for 18 years now with 4 adorable children.

Chinwuba Iyizoba





Kardashian Redemption

15 04 2019

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere says Martin Luther King Jr, and Kim Kardashian, reality TV star and glamour girl, seems to have taken it to heart. She announced recently that she is studying to become a lawyer to better help prisoners. She told Vogue magazine that her decision was inspired by her recent success in persuading President Trump to commute the life sentence handed out to a 63 yr old woman in Tennessee for a first drug offense.

She has also helped to win clemency for another woman was convicted as a teenager of murdering a man who paid to have sex with her.

“I just felt like I wanted to be able to fight for people who have paid their dues to society. I just felt like the system could be so different, and I wanted to fight to fix it, and if I knew more, I could do more,” she said.
Kardashian, dropped out of school, started the reality TV show with her sisters, called “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” and developed a line of fashion and beauty products worth millions of dollars. Now she wants to go back and for good reasons too.

Gold is buried deep in slug, and a prostitute washed Jesus’ feet.

Kim Kardashian is hardly a saint. Yet, no matter what you think of her, her sex tapes, her nudes pictures that often break the internet and jar the senses, whether you love her or hate her, this good she is doing stands tall, and that’s the truth.

Even though her heart hungers for fame and fortune as wildly as a starving lion hungers for game, yet, having eaten to her heart’s content, she has left some affection for the incarcerated poor of America. They now have a voice and an advocate willing to undertake an inconvenient adult education to serve them better.
Let us hope that many super rich will toe her line and look beyond themselves at others who have nothing and sometime less than nothing.

The world isn’t black or white, but different shades of gray

We may not endorse everything in the world, but we must endorse every good in the world. In a world where an average person hears a million bad news daily, and believes he will go deaf if he hears anymore, any good news is as refreshing as clear cold water to a thirsty deer.

Yes, she sometime represents the worst of our time; other times, the best of our times. A diamond in the rough, her actions sometimes reflects foolishness; at other times reflects light and wisdom from distant stars.
Her love for prisoners must come as a refreshing call to action for her fellow rich and famous, to extend their helping hands to the less miserables of their time,
Perhap, her Catholic high school background has a hand in it, for care for prisoners is indeed a work of mercy cherished by the Church
Prison reform, is so noble, so worthy, and is needed everywhere. In Nigeria, many in prison are held without charge for many years, thanks to the reckless actions of the police, who are quick to arrest on mere suspicion and quick imprison without relevant paper work.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to injustice everywhere and it is up to everyone to fight it. Anyone who barricades himself in the citadel of his own selfishness will never come down onto this battlefield.
As is expected, at 38, she isn’t finding study easy.
“The reading is what really gets me. It’s so time-consuming,” she said.
But then, she has her late father’s spirit, Robert Kardashian, a great lawyer who helped OJ Simpson in1995 to win acquittal for double murder. She is sure to ace her bar exam come 2023 when she will sit for it.
Best of luck.

No doubt, the time she devotes to this worthy cause may set her back a few bucks, but she is financially secure, and wouldn’t miss the bucks. But she will miss the train ride to redemption at the twilight of her life if she misses this great opportunity to give her life to something higher than her ego or her fame.

By Chinwuba Iyizoba





“Dump him” list for girls

20 03 2019

Here is a list for girls of sixteen behaviors enough to end a relationship- or, at the very least, place serious doubt in your heart about continuing the relationship.

School boy and girl
  1. You’ve had to tell him more than once to stop.
  2. You feel the need to “fix” him.
  3. He looks at pornography.
  4. He hits you, pushes you, or does anything to frighten you.
  5. He has a drinking or drug problem.
  6. He doesn’t care if you lie to your family.
  7. He leads you away from God.
  8. He puts you down- even if he then says he’s “just kidding.”
  9. He cheats on you.
  10. He lies to you.
  11. He flirts with other girls.
  12. He uses guilt to get you to do what he wants.
  13. He resents time you spend with your friends and family.
  14. He behaves badly and then blames it on other people or on things that happen to him.
  15. He can’t stand on his own two feet without you; he emotionally unable to function by himself.
  16. You can’t stay with him and remain pure.”

From Jason & Crystalina Evert and Brian Butler, Theology of the Body for Teens: Student Workbook, p. 170. 2006, Ascension Press.**





Big Brother Naija Trojan horse

4 03 2019

by Chinwuba Iyizoba

They came in 2006 selling the story of a talent hunt but sold Nigerians a Trojan horse.

BBNnaija 2019 audition venue was like a scene from world war Z. Crowds of indigent youths thronged the venue pleading and wailing, crushed against iron railings, some broke their legs, and all were desperate to get in. They clawed their way coveting the $100k prize money, a ticket out of poverty worth dying for. Yet the big brother show is a rip off.

BBNaija 2019 audition
Crowds of Nigerian youths at BBNaija 2019 audition

The show is about 12 contestants living in an isolated house for 90 days, competing for a winner takes-it-all star prize by avoiding eviction. To please viewer to vote “stay” they must shed all dignity, self-respect and modesty, even engaging in explicit sex while the camera rolls.

Sex sells

With big colored eye on profit, the producers encourage sexual experimentation among the housemates on every episode, often plying them alcohol to loosen things up, and supplying cartons of condoms. BBNaija portrays sex as casual and consequence-free to minors who watch these episodes.

“Just as we read specific books and show educational movies to our children in hopes that they learn lessons from the characters, teens are more likely to have sex after being exposed to sexual content in the media,” says Dr. Carolyn Ross on Psychology Today

Parents who allow their teens to watch BBNaija shouldn’t be surprised if they begin having sex, and perhaps even high-risk sex and catching sexually transmitted diseases and becoming pregnant. They may even become sex addicts.

Early exposure to pornography (or explicit sexual content on television), says Dr. Ross, is a risk factor for sex addictions and other intimacy disorders. In one study of 932 sex addicts, 90 percent of men and 77 percent of women reported that pornography was a factor in their addiction.

In 2018, having interviewed Christians and Muslims, the Nigerian Vanguard wrote a good piece of the harmful effect of the show, denouncing it’s deviation to open immorality. Yet, the show goes on, and so many poor young people across the nation besieged the audition venues seeking last month, while families’ lap up episode after episode.

Follow the money.

The money comes from the evictions.  Every week when different housemate are placed on eviction, and the public use their money to vote them back in.  The votes come in millions. During one of recent BBNaija finale, it was reported that 170 Million votes were cast via text messages that cost N30. If you do the math, that is approximately $14M earned by the organizers.  

Gifty Brian Ajumobi ex-house mate

Since it is winner take all, all but the one winner gets paid while others walk away, broken, sold and scared and some never manage to pick up the broken pieces. (There are many unwed mothers’ among the ex-housemates.) Many of the used young ladies can’t find husbands, some like ex-house mate, Gift Brian Ajumobi, has multiple sex partners and children out of wedlock and is presently embroiled in paternity suites.

All in the name of entertainment

Whatever happened to the Nigerian family sense of modesty so admired by the world a few years ago? Now we pay to watch our youths feed, play and copulate. How diabolically naive we have become. Are we waiting for same-sex fornications and bestiality to add to the fun?

Parents and families should wake up and throw out this Trojan horse in their midst. A society willing to compromise its value and honor is a society without value and honor.

 It’s unfortunate that Atiku Abubaker who recently lost the presidential election, in a bid to garner popularity among the young, tweeted a congratulatory message to last year’s BBNaija winner.

Educators, writers, politicians and legislators must keep in mind that a great part of social and even personal problems has its roots in the failure or the collapse of family life. To fight against juvenile delinquency or against the prostitution of women and at the same time to favor the discrediting or deterioration of the institution of the family is both senseless and contradictory.

In spite of the obvious and genuine harm done by this show, we see no protests, families carrying placard and politicians debating on how to proscribe the show or prosecute their promoters, rather viewing statistics are spiking and more and more young people turn up each year for auditions.

It must be understood that the role of parents and families in social and political life cannot be merely passive. They themselves must be ‘the first to take steps to see that the laws and institutions of the State, films and reality TV’s do not offend, but support and positively enhance family life and welfare of minors

Nigerians should reject this show, looking for disruptive ways to ensure that those who insist on promoting this heist stop making money. They should also besiege the news media with the reports of the negative influences on children, calling out the promoters and exposing their true agenda.

On the other hand, families should support and promote family friendly TV shows that teach skills, virtues and discipline to children.





Changing Society’s View on “Hooking Up”

27 02 2019

Since the 1960s, we have witnessed an incredible liberalization of sexual mores. The ubiquitous use of sex in advertising, movies, television, and fashion—sex as entertainment, sex as economic incentive, sex as substitute for thought, for communication, for edification—has given a green light and public blessing to the unashamed use of sex as a crass commodity of self-gratification. Sexual gratification is often valued more than physical and emotional well-being, and the pursuit of the former has generally led to the neglect of the latter. Glamorized by the media and by celebrities, premarital and extra-marital affairs, together with the emergence of the “hookup culture,” no longer carry the stigma of social or moral opprobrium. Such practices tend to insinuate themselves into our public consciousness with little or no effective opposition.

During this time, we in America have seen myriad examples of plays, films, and TV shows evincing (overtly or covertly) envy and admiration for men and women engaging in adultery or promiscuity. Bernard Slade’s famous play (later adapted into a movie), Same Time Next Year, a story about extra-marital love, ran for years on Broadway. The award-winning movie The Bridges of Madison County (1995), a story about the happiness a lonely farmer’s housewife enjoys with a photographer, won the ASCAP Award for the “Top Box-Office Film” of 1996. The ever-rerunning TV serial (adapted from Candace Bushnell’s novel), Sex and the City, spotlights four professional women in their thirties and their big city sexual escapades as they search for the “perfect orgasm” and “Mr. Right”—in that order.

What lessons are learned from such shows? What do they teach us about self-respect, honoring commitments, and personal boundaries? The four sirens of Sex and the City may be sympathetic and amusing, but their affairs—however kooky or disillusioning—are romanticized and prized. Sex is portrayed as a desirable but short-lived commodity typically spoiled by attempts to transform it into a meaningful relationship. It seems that sex uncoupled from relationships has become the norm for many, and several studies bear this out.

Of course, it is true that many plays, movies, and TV shows often express a nostalgic regret for lost innocence and tarnished integrity. Nevertheless, the focus on casual sex in the entertainment industry and in society in general (also sometimes referred to as “hooking up,” “non-relationship sex,” “recreational sex,” “friends with benefits,” “no-strings-attached relationships,” “one-night stands,” and “sex without dating”) has become obsessive. The existence of this phenomenon alone is likely sufficient to promote the acceptance of adultery and sexual promiscuity—not because it is right, but because it is viewed as “natural,” “normal,” and something everybody does.

But what is the effect of this culture? As hookups increase, traditional dates decrease; “post-hookup, a follow-up date is rarely expected.” And as dating has waned, so too has marriage. Many young adults do not seem to have developed the ability to psychologically and socially settle down. Although young adults are becoming sexually mature at earlier ages, people are marrying later. In many cases, they do not marry at all. Family compositions have changed, and children are frequently born to parents at older ages than in previous generations. Divorce rates have skyrocketed, particularly for those who engage in premarital sex. Studies show “the odds of divorce are lowest with zero or one premarital partner” and “marriages preceded by non-marital fertility have disproportionately high divorce rates.”

These facts provide evidence that the well-known sexual prohibitions of the Bible are not as irrelevant as many seem to think. In fact, a growing number of young people—led by thoughtful college professors and mentors—have come to see the value of both sexual abstention prior to marriage and sexual fidelity during marriage.

Changing the Dating Definition

Boston College professor Dr. Kerry Cronin has helped bring about this reawakening. About twelve years ago, in an effort to counter the common practice of “hooking up,” Professor Cronin created an unconventional assignment in her classroom: she required her students to go on a first date and write a report about the experience.

This assignment was intended to counteract the hookup culture in which the connection of the parties involved is “intended to be purely physical in nature” and where the two individuals shut down “any communication or attachment that might lead to emotional attachment.”

Cronin found that many of her students were clueless about the actual process of dating. Because the hookup culture had become so dominant, “going on a date became a weirdly countercultural thing to do.” Professor Cronin thus concluded that “the social script of dating was really long gone.” So, she created a series of guidelines to teach the students how to ask someone out on a date and what to do during that date. These include asking for a date in person (“texting is the devil. Stop it.”), avoiding physical contact (except possibly an A-frame hug at the date’s conclusion), and forbidding the use of alcohol or drugs on the date. According to Cronin’s rules, the person who asked the other out must pay for the date, and the asker should have a plan for the date rather than asking the other person what to do. The first date should be relatively short and inexpensive. The key assignment was to establish real communication between the two individuals and allow them time to get to know each other.

Her program became so noteworthy that this past April a documentary film featuring Professor Cronin, The Dating Project, was released. The ninety-minute film follows five single people, ages eighteen to forty, as they attempt to navigate their way through the “dating deficit” that has been created by hanging out, hooking up, texting, and using social media. The film presents a sobering picture of what the culture of sexual liberation and free love has done to today’s youth. The film’s message is that hookups objectify the participants and leave both parties empty and unfulfilled. Today’s hookup culture makes it much more difficult to build lasting, emotionally connected relationships. True relationships take time and work, but they can be incredibly fulfilling. They enable us to grow our humanity in genuine self-giving love.

The film’s writer and producer, Megan Harrington, observed that “people are so connected and not connected at the same time. So many young adults are lonely. We all want relationships, but the superficial masks we wear on our social media platforms do not present our true selves.”

Even though Dr. Cronin is a practicing Catholic, her college course and the subsequent movie on dating have resonated with secularists who have come to realize that the “sexual liberation” they bought into has created confusion about stable intimate relationships. This intimacy crisis has effectively disconnected intimate sexual behavior from emotional connection.

Is Sex Spiritual?

Although social trends may change, values—such as disciplining and channeling sexual impulses—are timeless and universal. Today’s social practices do not reinforce the development of these unchanging values. To encourage healthy, committed relationships, we must strive to create social conditions designed to strengthen and encourage robust families. This is an essential and basic principle of the Seven Laws of Noah, a common worldview underlying Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Through her assignments, Professor Cronin is encouraging her students to follow the standards of sexual morality that form the basis of these three Abrahamic faiths.

As John Paul II put it, “Self-control is not needed because the body is evil—the truth is just the opposite. The body should be controlled with honor because it is worthy of honor.” Because our bodies are sacred property created by G-d within which resides His Holy Spirit, we effectively defile the Divine within us when we participate in the hookup culture (or in other sexual proclivities such as pornography or prostitution). A person’s body and soul are not possessions to either abuse, harm, or destroy. Lev. 19:1 commands us to “be holy,” a directive that carries strong ethical and moral implications for humanity as we strive to imitate Him.

Unmoored from a committed and loving marital relationship, the unchecked sex drive harms both the individual and the society in which he or she lives. The Noahide Code teaches us that both our bodies and our souls are entrusted to us by G-d and are Divine property. This perspective reinforces the Biblical concept that we are made in the “image of G-d,” thereby giving moral context to the psychological matrix of the human personality that involves a complex interrelationship of body, mind, and soul.

ARTHUR GOLDBERG

Arthur Goldberg is Co-Director of the American based Jewish Institute for Global Awareness (JIFGA), former Co-Director of JONAH, Inc. JIFGA sponsors http://www.fundingmorality.com, a crowd-funding site for those committed to Biblical values. He has authored Light in the Closet: Tora… READ MORE








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