Unplanned lives of Young people

7 10 2018

 

 

 

The movie of Abby Johnson’s book, Unplanned, will soon be out. In anticipation, I just finished reading the book a second time. Its a truly great read and I must confess, her recklessness youth is a reflection of the lives of many young people today.
From a good Christian family, yet she did all the wrong things. She dated and married a lowlife against her parents warnings, got pregnant, had an abortion, and flunked her grades at school.

Worse, in the middle of a divorce, she was hoodwinked into signing up as a volunteer for Planned Parenthood, that abortion giant that has wrecked so many lives. She began working there as an intern and went on to become the director of the clinic. She had a second abortion at this clinic, again, without telling her parents.

While working at the clinic, she drifted further away from God, slowly deadening her conscience. Soon her heart craved only money, sex, and power. She took as her role model, those classy female executives of Planned Parenthood, admiring their high heels and glossy looks.

Abby worked for six years at Planned Parenthood, a facilitated abortions for plenty of women, though she herself was not directly involved in the procedure.

Crashing down

Funny, but it was at the very height of her achievements that everything came crashing down.
One day, when a nurse assistant failed to turn up for work, Abby was asked to assist in an ultrasound guided abortion. She was to hold the probe so the abortionist could see and better position his instrument.
As she held the probe to the belly of a woman lying on a couch, her eyes fell on the image on the screen and she was transfixed.

She saw, as it were, for the first time, the humanity of the infant she was about to help exterminate. The perfectly formed baby was sleeping peacefully in its mothers womb, until the abortionist’s probe pierced the amniotic sack surrounding it, and the baby began fleeing for life.

Beam me up Scottie, the abortionist doctor chuckled, lightheartedly. He was calling for the suction pump to be turned on, and within seconds, the baby was torn to shreds and vanished from the screen.

Abby was stunned! She felt the ground pulled from under her feet. Her world was turned inside out.

But touchdown to real world was just beginning. In 2008, PlantParanthood was pushing for increase in their revenue to avert the impeding financial crises. Her boss ordered her to increase the number of abortions in her clinic. And if that wasn’t enough, rumors was making the rounds that Planned Parenthood was going full time into partial birth abortions, a red line Abby had sworn never to cross.

Abby tried to resist, and her relationship with her bosses deteriorated. Her life became miserable as the classy women she had so admired were now turning against her.

In what I call, the moment of truth, she looked out the window at the Coalition for life, a pro-life advocacy group that had been organizing prayer at the clinic’s fence every day since the clinic opened, trying to discourage women going in to get abortions.
Those people have been right all along, she realized. It was like a splash of cold water. She was on the wrong side of the fence.
She had set out wanting to help women, but look at where she had ended up.

These were the people truly helping women save their own lives and save the lives of their unborn babies.

Abby literally ran to the other side of the fence, into the welcoming arms of members of the Coalition for Life, who had been praying for her for many years.

Later on Abby would reflect on how much influence her previous abortions must have contributed to her blindness to the evil of abortion.

From that moment, she knew what she lives for: to save lives, and to expose the abortion giant, Planned Parenthood, for what it really is, and more important, to be the beacon of hope for the millions of young women who have had the tragedy abortion; having gone down that road, she knew best how to guide them towards forgiveness and reconciliation with God.
This was when authentic happiness begins for her at last.

But one might ask, how was it possible that with such a great Christian upbringing, Abbey went so dangerously wrong?

Well, as Bishop Barron says, “The greatest enemy of young people in the world is spiritual slot. ”

Many young people would spend countless hours researching the specs of the best smartphone to buy, making sure they get it right, but when it comes to their spiritual life, “What-everrr”, they say.
It seems the most important questions about life is less important than smartphones.

Yet, sooner or later, many young people face this same question like Abby Johnson, “What is my mission in this life?”
In the coming days in Rome, the Synod of Bishops are reflecting on Youth, faith and vocational discernment.

Besides asking the Holy Spirit to enlighten the Synod Fathers, every young man or woman should use this opportunity to meditate about their own path, because we all have a divine vocation, a reason why God brought us into this world, and it is in finding that mission, that purpose that we discover the meaning of our life, just like Abby Johnson did.

Faith is a powerful light, able to shed light on ones own future and to inspire desires of fulfillment. At that time in our lives, when maybe the certainties of childhood falter and also the light of faith may grow weak, just like it did for Abby Johnson, because of her mistaken choices, we are to remember the deepest truth about ourselves: that we are children of God, created out of love. He makes the most radical call: he calls each and every one of us to be fully happy at his side.

Again, what truly matters is that Abby Johnson finally discovered her true vocation in life this thanks God’s mercy

Abby’s story is a living proof that The Creator does not throw us into existence and then forgets about us: He who creates also loves and calls. Therefore, the discernment of ones own path must be enlightened by that faith in Gods love for us, for each one.

Just as Jesus spoke to Abby Do not be afraid to listen to the Spirit who suggests bold options of leaving Planned Parenthood, Jesus speaks to all young people, do not be afraid. Seek the good, follow the teachings of the Church, and live by faith.

The Pope wrote in his letter to the youth announcing this synod. Our personal search can give rise to a certain anxiety, because we feel the dizziness of freedom. Will I be happy? Will I have the strength? Will it be worthwhile committing oneself to it?
All these questions tormented Abby as she wrestled with her conscience, knowing what she must do.
Not even then does God leave her alone. He inspired her. He will inspire us if, we too know how to listen to Him. That is what we ask of Him every time we pray the most beautiful prayer: Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven: Thy will be done in me, in you, in each one of us.
As we think of so many young people who wish to second Gods plans, let us ask that they receive not only light to see their way, but also strength to want to follow the divine Will like Abby Johnson did.

It will be helpful if we realize that when He asks for something, He is actually offering a gift. We are not doing him a favor: it is God who enlightens our life, filling it with meaning.

After leaving Planned Parenthood, Abby found her true self, the cloud of sadness which surrounded her life suddenly lifted and she truly came alive. Many of her friends noticed it and told her, Abby, you look so happy, you are glowing.

What’s more, she is now more effective than ever, helping millions of people men and women. Her book is selling millions of copies and will soon be turned into a movie.

I hope, that reading this book, and perhaps later, watching this movie when it comes out, many young people and adults alike, understand that loving God, and wanting his will in our lives is not an obstacle to our own dreams, but their crowning. All desires, all projects, all loves can be part of Gods plans. As St. Josemaría, the founder of Opus Dei would say, “Well-lived charity is already holiness.”
And Dolores Hart, a former movie star who became a nun said, “We are meant to serve God with the gifts He has given us. Sin is not so much doing something wrong; sin is not being true to who we are.”

Prior to bolting away from Planned Parenthood, Abby couldn’t pray, the emptiness in her soul was like a chasm, but as soon as she made that decision and left, her relationship with God grew in leaps and bounds. She began to see Jesus as a real person, who had given His life for her, and for whom she, must give her life, thus confirming what many Christian authors say, that the Christian life does not lead us to identify ourselves with an idea, but with a person: with Jesus Christ.

For young people as well as for everyone, an important way of growing in friendship with Christ is to ask this simple question often: Who is Jesus Christ for me? Is he my friend? Is our friendship deep and strong or is it broken?

Thus, they will discover the gifts the Lord has given them, gifts that are directly related to their true mission. They will know how to put themselves at the service of all persons without being deceived by lies like Abby Johnson was for a long stretch of her life, and will see more clearly the place God has entrusted them with in this world.

In a society that often thinks too much about comfort, faith helps us to look up and discover the true dimension of our own existence. If we are bearers of the Gospel, our passage through this world will be fruitful. I will finish with this quotation for John Paul II, Homily on Boston:
“Dear young people: do not be afraid of honest effort and honest work; do not be afraid of the truth. With Christ’s help, and through prayer, you can answer his call, resisting temptations and fads, and every form of mass manipulation. Open your hearts to the Christ of the Gospels — to his love and his truth and his joy. Do not go away sad!…
“Follow Christ! You who are married: share your love and your burdens with each other; respect the human dignity of your spouses; accept joyfully the life that God gives through you; make your marriage stable and secure for your children’s sake.
“Follow Christ! You who are single or who are preparing for marriage. Follow Christ! You who are young or old. Follow Christ! You who are sick or ageing; who are suffering or in pain. You who feel the need for healing, the need for love, the need for a friend — follow Christ!
“To all of you I extend — in the name of Christ — the call, the invitation, the plea: ‘Come and follow Me. ”





33 Ways to Keep Your Virginity till Marriage by Niphmy Isiwa

16 09 2018

In a world filled with sexual imagery, and boyfriends demanding sex, so many girls are wondering how they can possibly keep their virginity till marriage. Here are some rules that help you keep your virginity and still enjoy a loving relationship with your boyfriend:

1. Turn the lights on. Getting caught up in the moment is way easier to do in the dark. Darkness hides things, but if you keep everything in the light, you’ll be able to see more clearly both in your head and in your heart.

2. Get out. It’s easy to let your hangout default become something that involves snuggling while glaring at a screen. Too much of that and you’ll get super comfortable and then super bored. Bored and comfortable can lead to trouble. Get out and get active. Volunteer for a worthy cause, be adventurous in the great outdoors, pick up a new hobby, play a sport, learn a new skill, whatever it is, your time discovering new things together will help you discover new things about each other. And while you’re at it, invite another couple, or your entire posse, to join you.

3. Put yourself in interruptible situations. While this isn’t always possible, do your best to allow yourself to be interrupted. Something as simple as cracking the door to your dorm room ensures that you won’t let things go.

4. Be accountable. If you’ve struggled with sexual purity in the past, find yourself an accountability partner who will ask you how things are going. It will motivate you to know that you can give a good report when prompted.

5. Spare the details. Having the “how far have you gone” conversation is mainly about idle curiosity and can stir up unnecessary images and desires. You don’t owe your boyfriend/girlfriend a detailed account of your sexual history. There may come a time when general information that will affect your relationship needs to be shared, but again, spare the details.

6. Give yourself a curfew. The later it gets the longer you have to let things go too far. Set a definitive time to say goodnight and go your separate ways. Grandma is right: “Nothing good ever happens after 2 AM.” Or is it midnight? I guess it depends on who your grandma is. Either way, figure out what is reasonable for you and stick to it.

7. Be committed. Know who you are and whose you are. Know why keeping your virginity till marriage matters. Then make a commitment–to God, to yourself, and to each other–that you will strive for keeping your virginity till marriage. If you’re halfhearted, your resolve won’t last long. And if you’re not on the same page, it’ll be very, very difficult. But if you’re both serious about being holy and keeping your relationship pure, you have a real shot.

8. Pray for each other. The purpose of dating is to discern marriage; the purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven. If you’re not praying avidly for your partner’s sanctification, what are you doing? Pray to keep your virginity, of course, but pray for your partner even more. It’s easier, I think, to be willing to compromise your own salvation in the heat of the moment than to endanger the soul of someone you love and for whom you pray daily. Making little sacrifices and offering them for your partner’s virginity will keep this at the forefront of your mind–and probably bring that desire to mind when other desires threaten to push it aside.

9. Set boundaries. “We’re not going to have sex” is a great start, but there’s more to keeping your virginity till marriage than just avoiding intercourse before marriage. Sit down early in the relationship and discuss what you think is appropriate in different stages in your relationship. It strikes me as fairly obvious that touching things you don’t have (pause to make sure everyone’s grasping my euphemism) is reserved for marriage. But maybe you’re like me and you think “Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do with your grandma looking on” is a good rule of thumb. Or maybe you don’t want to kiss before you’re engaged. Maybe you want to talk about how many feet should be on the floor when you’re cuddling. Try not to be too legalistic, but do be aware that there’s more to keeping your virginity till marriage than sex. If you’re not comfortable having this conversation with your partner, you might want to reconsider either this relationship or your readiness to be in a relationship. It might be awkward but it’s important enough to endure

10. Dress chastely. Your bodies are lovely and there’s nothing dirty or wrong about them. But they were made to be given only to the body–and the eyes–of your husband. Even if you’re not willing to dress chastely for the myriad men in your life who are trying desperately to see you as a person and not an object, do it for the one man you love. If you’re dressed like you’re wearing clothes, not underwear, then he’ll have less trouble

11. Don’t watch pornography! The solution to temptation is not to indulge that temptation in another venue. Using pornography and masturbating don’t release sexual tension, they distort it and cause it to grow. Pornography is also as addictive as crack and has serious consequences on more than just your love life. Here are some tips on leaving pornography behind. Do it now.

12. Repent. You’re going to fall. Don’t give up! Get up, get to confession, and redouble your effort. Reconsider your relationship and the rules you’ve set for yourself. Talk to a trusted friend. Cry and pout and punch a wall but do NOT give up. It’s a hard road, but remember that you follow a God who fell three times under the cross. He knew you would fall. He forgives you. He wants you to try again.

13. In the same spirit, avoid activities —whether together, alone, or with other friends—that will fill your mind with carnal themes and heighten your sexual arousal. Resist the devil (James 4:6-8) as he tempts you to sext, talk dirty or posture your body in suggestive ways, surf or rent even “soft” porn, wear revealing clothing, participate fully in a rowdy, worldly party like a bachelor or bachelorette party (eg. where strippers or unrestrained drugs or alcohol will be present).

14. Don’t be fixated on physical intimacy. Learning hobbies, skills, new challenges, gifts, talents, ministry and personal goals, conflict resolution, and communication skills are all necessary facets for developing a solid and interesting friendship on the spiritual foundation of Christ.

15. Go to church regularly. Participate in ministry together. Serving together in a shared ministry will increase your awareness of the world around you and dilute your focus on each other.

16. Do more group activities than alone-together activities, especially if physical intimacy is becoming a distraction. Hang out in public places, hang out with family and friends, and don’t spend too much time in the dark or alone in your vehicles or residences.

17. You may have to let go. A “relationship fast” helps reset your relationship on an operating system of purity if you have become physically involved. This would involve breaking off all communications for an agreed amount of time to seek the Lord and His direction and strength as well as consult others to restart the relationship on a clean note.

18. Encourage him to be the kind of man that you want him to be. Positive reinforcement goes a long way, but don’t do it in a condescending way like he’s a well-meaning child. “I love going to adoration with you,’ with an affectionate hand squeeze (or, if appropriate, cheek kiss) is more likely to produce the desired results than a two-hour heated debate. Good men love to do things for the women that they care about, and knowing how much you appreciate these gestures will make him want to do them even more.

19. Invite one another to pray. The easiest way to pray more is… to pray more. It’s great when he takes the lead on this, but it’s just fine for you to do so, too. If he’s smart, he’ll get the clue. Pray at the start and end of dates. If you’re on the phone in the evenings, pray together before you go to bed. Frame your relationship in prayer until it’s the most natural thing to do in the world.

20. Develop non-physical ways of showing affection, love (if appropriate), and contrition. Guard against the temptation to say “I’m sorry” or “I love you” physically.

21. Location! Avoid anything that’s a near occasion of sin. Avoid any situation that could quickly take a turn. One of the best ways to do this is to remain within eyesight and earshot of others at all times.

22. Don’t be afraid to leave a situation, if that’s what virtue demands. Sometimes, girls (especially, but also guys) won’t want to end the night early because they’re afraid of being rude… even when they recognize that sticking around longer will only lead to trouble.

23. The purpose of dating is to find the person you wish to marry, the one who will become the father or mother of your children. Keep that always in mind and terminate the relationship if and as soon as you realize this is not the person.

24. Never allow yourself to be alone in a closed room or parked car with your date.

25. Always plan to be active on a date. Have activities lined up (backup plans too) so you don’t find yourself in a position or situation of idleness. The offense is a good defense. Think of activities that will provide opportunities for growth in knowledge of God, each other, and self. Make a regular practice of worshipping and praying together.

26. Dress appropriately for the occasion but always modestly.

27. Regardless of who “pays” for the date no one “owes” anybody anything.

28. Any actions that cause sexual arousal (need I define them?) are to be avoided, including forms of dancing that are designed to cause it. Help each other to say no.

29. A peck, a quick kiss (mouths closed) a brief hug, or holding hands are permissible, they are non-sexual expressions of affection.

30. Don’t kid yourself. You are no different from anyone else. Don’t count on your self-control. You are weak! You just can’t go “so far.”

31. Your soul is at stake and perhaps a happy marriage and a possible vocation.

32. The road to keeping one’s virginity till marriage is paved with prayer, the Eucharist, and reading of the New Testament. If you fail, have recourse to the Sacrament of Penance as soon as possible and begin again.

33. Follow these rules and make sure your date or companion does also and the search for a spouse and courtship can be a joy. Otherwise, you may become accomplices in deadly sin and guilty of objectifying another person for sexual pleasure. Keep these rules and you will be able to look at your children right in the eyes when you have to guide them on their





Illusory freedom of Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie

12 08 2018

The divorce between Brad and his wife, Angelina Angelina, started since 2016, is building up to a dramatic and sleazy end.

Both, divorcee, lived together unmarried for 10-years. The glamorous couple had 6 children; 3 biological and 3 adopted. When they finally decided to get married in 2014, cracks began to appear.

In a beautiful letter he wrote his wife that went viral on the internet, Brad claimed that his wife was depressed, stressed out, and uncommunicative. The letter was all about his gallant effort to win her back and save his marriage.

It’s unclear whether the double mastectomy Angelina had the previous year contributed to her illness. In May 2013, she had both breasts surgically removed after discovering she carries a genetic mutation that dramatically increases the chance of being diagnosed with potentially fatal breast cancer.

It is not uncommon that such drastic actions could result in regrets and self-loathing as time goes by. After all, a woman’s breast is a significant part of her beauty and attractiveness. Fears that her husband no longer finds her attractive could have triggered a feeling of insecurity that lead to her depression.

Many people were disappointed when in 2016, the couple announced that they were divorcing, citing irreconcilable differences.

Thing went dark quickly. Last year, Brad was investigated and cleared of petty child abuse accusation brought by his wife.

Then again, recently, the media was abuzz when Angelina, again, accused her husband of not paying her child support for their 6 children. A ridiculous accusation given that she is super rich.

In the entire hullabaloo, the real losers are their children.

Already Maddox, their first child, is not on speaking terms with his Dad and is showing signs of anti-social behavior; and Shiloh, their first biological daughter, is in a deep confusion, behaving like a boy and preferring to wear boys’ clothes. Studies show that divorce harms children.

Add to this; different men and women may soon be entering their lives, demanding the entitlement of a new mother or a new father (most Hollywood stars remarry shortly after divorce)

Angelina and Brad should consider their children’s right to be brought up in a stable, intact home and work harder to reconcile their differences.

When married folk talk about “irreconcilable difference” to get a divorce, it’s often about themselves, but they end up injuring their children as well.

Look, when parents sacrifice their own selfishness for love of their children, they have made a choice, and the more they love the greater will be their freedom. If their love is great, their freedom will bear much fruit in their children’s good

Couples who decide to stick it out, for better or worse, make a choice which derives from their blessed freedom. This presupposes self-surrender, for God’s sake, and for the children’s sake.

But unfortunately, Brad and Angelina are greatly ignorant about what freedom really is. They are aspiring to an illusory freedom without limits as though it were the ultimate goal of happiness. Yet, both have been down this road before. Angelina was previously married to an actor called Bob Thornton and walked away. Brad left a fellow actress, Jennifer Aniston for Angelina. Now they are at it again. Where will it go from here?

Marriage is about reconciling irreconcilably differences. When a man and woman marry, they reconcile themselves into one. The two shall become one, as the Holy writ says. We reconcile our differences by deliberately choosing to do so, out of love because love is not true if it’s not forever.

In a way, it all goes to support C. S Lewis arguments that if marriage is not for keeps, it’s better not to get married in the first place, and the Catholic Church insists that marriage is for keeps, and for the sake of children.

By Chinwuba Iyizoba

The Editor





How Prayer Saved My Marriage by Richard Paul Evan

9 06 2018

My oldest daughter, Jenna, recently said to me, “My greatest fear as a child was that you and mom would get divorced. Then, when I was 12, I decided that you fought so much that maybe it would be better if you did.” Then she added with a smile. “I’m glad you guys figured things out.”

For years, my wife, Keri, and I struggled. Looking back, I’m not exactly sure what initially drew us together, but our personalities didn’t quite match up. And the longer we were married the more extreme the differences seemed. Encountering “fame and fortune” didn’t make our marriage any easier. In fact, it exacerbated our problems. The tension between us got so bad that going out on book tour became a relief, though it seems we always paid for it on re-entry. Our fighting became so constant that it was difficult to even imagine a peaceful relationship. We became perpetually defensive, building emotional fortresses around our hearts. We were on the edge of divorce and more than once we discussed it.

I was on book tour when things came to a head. We had just had another big fight on the phone and Keri had hung up on me. I was alone and lonely, frustrated and angry. I had reached my limit.

That’s when I turned to God. Or turned on God. I don’t know if you could call it prayer—maybe shouting at God isn’t prayer, maybe it is—but whatever I was engaged in I’ll never forget it. I was standing in the shower of the Buckhead, Atlanta, Ritz-Carlton yelling at God that marriage was wrong and I couldn’t do it anymore. As much as I hated the idea of divorce, the pain of being together was just too much. I was also confused. I couldn’t figure out why marriage with Keri was so hard. Deep down I knew that Keri was a good person. And I was a good person. So why couldn’t we get along? Why had I married someone so different than me? Why wouldn’t she change?

Finally, hoarse and broken, I sat down in the shower and began to cry. In the depths of my despair powerful inspiration came to me. You can’t change her, Rick. You can only change yourself. At that moment I began to pray. If I can’t change her, God, then change me. I prayed late into the night. I prayed the next day on the flight home. I prayed as I walked in the door to a cold wife who barely even acknowledged me. That night, as we lay in our bed, inches from each other yet miles apart, the inspiration came. I knew what I had to do.

The next morning I rolled over in bed next to Keri and asked, “How can I make your day better?”
Keri looked at me angrily. “What?”

“How can I make your day better?”

“You can’t,” she said. “Why are you asking that?”

“Because I mean it,” I said. “I just want to know what I can do to make your day better.”

She looked at me cynically.

“You want to do something? Go clean the kitchen.”

She likely expected me to get mad. Instead I just nodded. “Okay.”

I got up and cleaned the kitchen.

The next day I asked the same thing. “What can I do to make your day better?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Clean the garage.”

I took a deep breath. I already had a busy day and I knew she had made the request in spite. I was tempted to blow up at her.

Instead I said, “Okay.” I got up and for the next two hours cleaned the garage. Keri wasn’t sure what to think. The next morning came.

“What can I do to make your day better?”

“Nothing!” she said. “You can’t do anything. Please stop saying that.” “I’m sorry,” I said. “But I can’t.”

I made a commitment to myself. “What can I do to make your day better?” “Why are you doing this?” “Because I care about you,” I said.

“And our marriage.” The next morning I asked again. And the next. And the next. Then, during the second week, a miracle occurred. As I asked the question Keri’s eyes welled up with tears. Then she broke down crying. When she could speak she said, “Please stop asking me that. You’re not the problem. I am. I’m hard to live with. I don’t know why you stay with me.”

I gently lifted her chin until she was looking in my eyes. “It’s because I love you,” I said. “What can I do to make your day better?” “I should be asking you that.” “You should,” I said. “But not now. Right now, I need to be the change. You need to know how much you mean to me.” She put her head against my chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean.” “I love you,” I said. “I love you,” she replied. “What can I do to make your day better?” She looked at me sweetly. “Can we maybe just spend some time together?” I smiled. “I’d like that.” I continued asking for more than a month. And things did change. The fighting stopped. Then Keri began asking, “What do you need from me? How can I be a better wife?”

The walls between us fell. We began having meaningful discussions on what we wanted from life and how we could make each other happier. No, we didn’t solve all our problems. I can’t even say that we never fought again. But the nature of our fights changed. Not only were they becoming more and more rare, they lacked the energy they’d once had. We’d deprived them of oxygen. We just didn’t have it in us to hurt each other anymore.

Keri and I have now been married for more than 30 years. I not only love my wife, I like her. I like being with her. I crave her. I need her. Many of our differences have become strengths and the others don’t really matter. We’ve learned how to take care of each other, and, more importantly, we’ve gained the desire to do so. Marriage is hard. But so is parenthood and keeping fit and writing books and everything else important and worthwhile in my life. To have a partner in life is a remarkable gift. I’ve also learned that the institution of marriage can help heal us of our most unlovable parts. And we all have unlovable parts.

Through time I’ve learned that our experience was an illustration of a much larger lesson about marriage. The question everyone in a committed relationship should ask their significant other is, “What can I do to make your life better?” That is love. Romance novels (and I’ve written a few) are all about desire and happily-ever-after, but happily-ever-after doesn’t come from desire—at least not the kind portrayed in most pulp romances. Real love is not to desire a person, but to truly desire their happiness—sometimes, even, at the expense of our own happiness. Real love is not to make another person a carbon copy of one’s self. It is to expand our own capabilities of tolerance and caring, to actively seek another’s well being. All else is simply a charade of self-interest.

I’m not saying that what happened to Keri and me will work for everyone. I’m not even claiming that all marriages should be saved. But for me, I am incredibly grateful for the inspiration that came to me that day so long ago. I’m grateful that my family is still intact and that I still have my wife, my best friend, in bed next to me when I wake in the morning. And I’m grateful that even now, decades later, every now and then, one of us will still roll over and say, “What can I do to make your day better.” Being on either side of that question is something every married person should have as a goal.
Shalom





What is Your Marriage Worth?

18 03 2018

Many years ago I listened to a preacher share about how his wife would leave the television on at night and sleep off and they lived in a country where you pay based on how long you keep the TV on. Leaving the TV on therefore increases the television bill.

That attitude of his wife would annoy him and he was always angry at his wife for doing that yet it continued. It was obvious it was going to become a strain in the marriage.

Then one day while ruminating over this issue, I asked myself, “Is your marriage not worth fifty dollars extra at the end of the month? If this attitude of your wife will mean an extra bill of fifty dollars, is it too much to pay for peace to be in your marriage?”

Unlike me, my wife is not a morning person. I can wake up by 2:00am, work till 5:00am, go back to bed and still get up by 6:00am and start my day. For my wife, I literally have to drag her out of bed in the morning. Her day begins only after she has had her bath.

In some homes, the wife is the one who goes to the kitchen to heat up water for the family to bathe. I guess it comes naturally with women. In my home, heaven help me if I wait for my wife to do that. I will wait for a long time. So I have resolved to make that my responsibility.

Even with the kids I will still have to be the one doing that in the morning because my wife is not a morning person. If that is the price I have to pay for peace to be in my home, it is worth it. We are talking about the price of peace.

One of my friends shared with me how his wife will never monitor the fuel gauge when driving. It is when the car finally stops that she realizes the car has run out of fuel. Guess who she will call? The husband. He will have to be the one to sort out the problem.

After several of such calls he had to find a way around it. He ensures the fuel tank is full at the beginning of the week which will take the wife through the week. That way he does not get any phone call that the car has stopped. It is the price of peace for him.

When I was working on this article I requested that people share some of the prices they have had to pay to maintain peace in their homes. I got a lot of responses that revealed that no marriage is perfect. The reason we see certain marriages as better than ours is because the parties in those marriages are ready to pay certain prices to maintain peace in their homes.

Let me share a few of the responses I got.

“In my home I just have to tolerate my husband’s attitude. He has this habit of talking over issues repeatedly. He can talk, talk and talk when a situation happens and will nag you till you fall over. So to allow peace what I do is try and keep my mouth shut. No argument, no talking back or simply walk away so that peace can reign.”
-Ajo

“I usually don’t turn off the lights in a room when I’m done using it. At the beginning of my marriage, hubby will tell me to always make sure I do that when exiting the room, but after correcting me several times without change, he decided to just check back anytime I leave a room and will help turn the lights off. He just stopped complaining and started helping me do it. Eventually, I had to determine in myself to be more aware and I’ve gotten better doing that.
-Olu

“My wife has a thing for matchsticks. After using one, she keeps it for ’emergency’. This act irritates me. No matter how long we discuss this (more than 9 years now) she still does. So I decided to dispose them and then I offer her a fresh one should an ’emergency’ arise.”
-Dapo

“I don’t pressurize my husband to do or not to do anything, especially something he really wants to, or really doesn’t want to do. Putting pressure on him will only irritate him. I keep quiet and I pray instead. That way, I have peace and also get what I want. On the other hand, my husband will always hang the mosquito nets, switch off the lights and unplug my phones, because I always sleep off. He has stopped complaining. He will do the job instead.”
-Bisola

Those were just a few of the several responses I got about the price of peace that people are paying in their homes. A lot of other people were encouraged when they saw that they were not alone. You think you are the only one having an issue until you listen to others.

Sometimes we need to do things we don’t like for the sake of peace. If it is not too high a price then why not just do it and move on with our lives? Not every battle is worth fighting.

That is why it is important to be able to lead yourself because for these people whose reports we just read you find that either they or their spouses took responsibility for peace. That is part of what personal leadership is about.

I could have picked a fight with my wife for refusing to get up from the bed in the morning. Hamzah could have picked a fight with his wife for that thing with the matchsticks.

Fatimah’s husband could have picked a fight with her for always forgetting to turn off the lights. But personal leadership helped us to take the other route thereby maintaining peace in our homes.

Now this does not mean you will never have to correct each other in the relationship or continually be in endurance mode throughout the marriage especially when it has to do with abuse. That is a completely different matter. You don’t endure abuse. But instead of fighting over why your spouse always presses the toothpaste tube from the middle, why not buy a second one so you have yours and he has his and both of you have peace? Has that not solved the problem.





So What Did God do? O’Reilly’s Sex allegations

27 10 2017

Bill O’Reilly of Fox news says he is ‘Mad at God’. It appears that his anger over a number of sex harassment allegations against him has unhinged him at last.
Fox arch rival, The New York Times coordinates these allegations. It reported Saturday that O’Reilly paid $32 million to Lis Wiehl, a Fox News legal analyst who made regular appearances on O’Reilly’s show for 15 years, in a settlement related to sexual harassment allegations. Wiehl accused O’Reilly of “repeated harassment, a nonconsensual sexual relationship and the sending of gay pornography and other sexually explicit material to her,” the Times reported, citing two people briefed on the matter.
So what did God do?
Why is O’Reilly mad at God?
Does God work for the NYT?
We live in a society that is nice to everyone, except God!
We blame him for anything, insult him and nothing happen. No libels, no courtrooms. Main street tells lies about God and his Church all the time and go scot free

One can be mad at someone for an injury suffered for two reasons. Either he blames him for his troubles or he feels that he could stop it but failed to do so. Perhaps, O’Reilly is mad for the second reason.
Then I am surprised. Bill O’Reilly is perhaps the most prominent Catholic conservative on American television. And he doesn’t know his Catholic faith?
God created the world but has left man free. The Catholic Church teaches that God created man in his own image and likeness, and gave him the gift of freewill to enjoy and direct himself through his intelligence, in other words, to act on his own. Thus of all creatures, only man can choose good or evil. If he chooses evil, God does not retract his freedom, for that wouldn’t be true freedom. Thus man may merit heaven or hell when he dies. Heaven if he chooses well, hell if he chooses badly

The men working at the NYT are free, they can choose to publish falsehood, and God will not retract their freedom even to please Bill O’Reilly.
I think O’Reilly should accept that even a good man can suffer injustice. He should read the bible and find plenty of stories of innocent people suffering injustice; he will find the story of Jesus Christ whose enemies devised a vicious plan to kill him by nailing him to the cross. And it worked.

I do sympathize with O’Reilly; there is nothing as unjust and painful as the loss of a good name. As they say, money can’t buy a good name even though it can buy a lot of stuff.
Yes, there is the issue of the children as O’Reilly explained.
“The pain it brings to my children is indescribable,” O’Reilly told the Times when it interviewed him about the reported $32 million settlement. “I would give up my life to protect my children, but I find myself unable to protect them because of things that are being said about me, their father.”
But the children will get over it, as long as they trust Dad’s words more than they trust the NYT. That’s where O’Reilly job is. His kids should trust him more, and if that is a problem , then he has some parenting homework to do.

Let’s assume that O’Reilly is innocent (at least until proven guilty even though he does wish to avoid litigation, to protect his children and his family from being taken to the grinders), instead of raging against God, he should act like other innocent men did when they found themselves persecuted unjustly. They accepted their trials as purification for their sins to better prepare for eternal life when the time came
The just man lives by faith, faith that all things work for good for those who love God. The vicarious atonement of the just man who accepts injustice without grumbling can merit the forgiveness of his own sin and that of others.
He should listen to what St. Josemaria Escriva, a man who suffered great injustice from many people for many years tells us: Force yourself, if necessary, always to forgive those who offend you, from the very first moment. For the greatest injury or offence that you can suffer from them is as nothing compared with what God has pardoned you.”





  The media should be consistent :Weinstein sex scandal

22 10 2017

The media’s excoriation of Harvey Weinstein, a movie producer, for his taking advantage of women is at best self-contradictory.
Everyone knows the tons of pornographic filth churned out each year; so-called blockbusters, glorified by the media that has gone on to win Oscars.
These movies exult marital infidelities, scandals, defamations, divorce, lying, and cheating… at times, perverse ‘lifestyles’ are ‘aired out’ to attract public curiosity though without any attempt to treat the subject on a moral plane. These films have done grave damage to society’s morals. Consequently today many have lost or are losing their sense of sin and sense of God.
The dismal list of sexual abuse by respected public figures like Roger Ailes, Bill Cosby, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, and Bill Clinton, is only the first rumble of a volcano in full eruption.

What about college campuses? What goes on in there is unspeakable! The chronic sexual assaults happening on daily basis testify that when unnatural behaviors contrary to divine laws are treated as the norm in films, on television, and in the press, common sense, decency and nobility vanishes in society

As Peter Maurin said, “A good society is one that makes it easy for its citizens to be good. And a bad society is one that makes it easy to be bad.”

The media and Hollywood have made it incredibly tough for citizens to be good. There are over 2000 registered companies in the US alone that produces adult movies and millions of porn websites available on smartphones at the touch of the screen

All I am saying is that the media should be consistent!
It’s unreasonable and unjust to glamorize adultery and fornication on screen and turn around and scowl when men live out these dreams.
Why pretend to be shocked? People are what they watch or in the case of Weinstein, what they do?
Perhaps, the London motion picture Academy did right by stripping Weinstein of his fellowship but, it should also strip itself because it shares a part in the problem.

By Chinwuba Iyizoba

The Editor





10 Lessons on How  to Save  Your Family 

1 09 2017


Opening our eyes, we can see that the family in serious crisis. This being the case, as followers of Christ and defenders of the Domestic Church—the family—let us launch a concerted effort to save our children, save our young, by the means of saving our families. Pessimism, cynicism, and skepticism must not reign in our hearts, but rather confidence and hope that we can help construct a better world by striving for better, more holy families.

Therefore, we would like to offer Ten Vitamins to Vitalize Families. By this we mean to offer ten concrete suggestions to help all of us purify, improve, and perfect our families. Saint Pope John Paul II expressed this truth so clearly: The family is the basic building block of society… and… As the family goes, so goes the society. Hopefully these suggestions will truly make a difference in your struggle to form a good family. Never forget the consoling words of the Archangel Gabriel to Mary that we read in the Annunciation: Nothing is impossible with God.

1. Family Prayer

One of the primary reasons for fights, quarrels, bitterness, coldness, and eventually separations is the lack of prayer in the family. What oxygen is to the lungs, so prayer is to the soul. Prayer should be at the very center and heart of family life. Remember the words of the famous Rosary-priest, Father Patrick Peyton: The family that prays together, stays together.

2. The Father as Head of the Family

When possible, the Father must be the head of the family; the Mother should be the very heart of the family. A family without a head is a Frankenstein; a family without a heart is dead. May the Father assume the role of Spiritual Leader of the family! If you like, the Father should be the priest of the family. This means, the Father should say Yes to life. The Father should love his wife and children. The Father should be the spiritual leader of the family and this means the leader in the prayer life of his family. The most splendid example for the Father should be the best of Fathers, good Saint Joseph!

3. Forgiveness and Mercy

In many families coldness, indifference, and even bitterness permeate the entire family fabric. Why? One of the reasons is due to a lack of forgiveness. Family members must be merciful and forgive, and not just seven times, but seventy times seven times—meaning always! If we want to be forgiven, then we must forgive from our hearts. The Our Father commands this: Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

4. Winning and Victorious Words
The British poet, Alexander Pope penned these words: “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” Family members, cultivating true humility of heart, must learn to say these words: “I am sorry…” and equally important: “I forgive you!” These words said often and with humility of heart can save families!

5. Servant Attitude

Jesus, Son of the living God, washed the feet of the Apostles at the Last Supper. He Himself stated: “The Son of man has not come to be served, but to serve and give His life in ransom for many.” (Mt 20:28) Each and every individual family member must not look to be served, but to be always ready to serve the other members in the family. Love and service are really synonymous.

6. Express Graditude

Even though it is small, and at times, seems to be almost insignificant, these two words can add a condiment to the family recipe, and these two words are Thank you! Saint Ignatius of Loyola asserted: “ The essence of sin is ingratitude.” Cultivate in your families an attitude of gratitude! In sum, what do we have that we have not received from God? Only one thing: our sins—these we chose for ourselves. God loves a humble and grateful heart!
7. Take a Break From Gadgets

A key time in family life must be the meal time. Normally it is when the family connects, comes together to share experiences, to spend time with each other, to bond with each other, in a word, to grow in love with each other. Our Lord’s Last Commandment was: “Love one another as I have loved you.” (Jn 13:34)
There is a comic strip with a family all sitting together on the same big couch. The Father is watching TV, the mother is on her tablet, the son is playing a computer game on his laptop, the teenage daughter is sending a text from her phone, and the family dog has earphones on. We laugh at this, but we also weep, because we can see our own family in this comic strip. Therefore remember, at meal times—even though it might be a mere 20-25 minutes—no phones, tablet, computer, radio nor TV. Each person has infinite value, and their soul being immortal will live forever; the computer screen and all other electronic gadgets will come and go and be disposed of!
8. Learn to Listen

How hard the art of listening really is, especially with family members. We all tend to be in the fast-lane, frenetically rushing from one activity to the next like a chicken with it’s head cut off. As such we fail to listen attentively when a family member wants to talk to us. I invite all to seek out Harry Chapin’s song Cats in the Cradle. In short, this song woefully mourns the sad fact that Fathers never really connect with their children because they are simply too busy! Son, I will listen to you, but later… Later never becomes a reality; then it is beyond his grasp!

9. Celebration

The famous Catholic author Jean Vanier, who founded a group working most especially with the handicapped, and with forming families with handicapped members, made this discovery: families are called to celebrate!

Birthdays, Anniversaries, Holidays such as Christmas and Easter, and many more—all are festive and exuberant moments of celebration in the context of the family. We should celebrate the other in the family —especially their birthday, Baptism, and saint day! Therefore, if you want to inject a good dose of joy in your family, get in the habit of celebrating! Saint Paul exhorts us in these words: “Rejoice in the Lord always; I say it again: Rejoice in the Lord.” (Phil. 4:4)
10. Marian Consecration

In my retreats, I have often presented an efficacious means to arrive at the very Heart of Jesus. This is done by spending about a month meditating upon the 20 mysteries of the Rosary, with a helpful commentary for each, followed by a meditation on the Seven Sorrows of Mary, each with a commentary. At the end of these days of preparation for consecration, all the members of the family will formally consecrate themselves, individually and as a family, to Jesus through Mary. Our Lady will then be at the very heart of their family. Our Lady will produce abundant fruits in their family: peace, joy, love, happiness, sharing, understanding, patience, purity, meekness, kindness. In a word, by consecration to Jesus through Mary, families will become sanctuaries of true holiness as Jesus commanded: Be holy, as your heavenly Father is holy. (Mt 5:48)

You can lead your family in such a retreat with my guide, Total Consecration Through the Mysteries of the Rosary.

I am convinced that if families truly allow Mary to take root in the center of their lives, she will help their lives be turned from water into wine, and will truly be able to live out the greatest commandment of Jesus: Love one another as I have loved you! (Jn 13:34) I hope and pray that all will take these Ten Vitamins to Vitalize and form vibrant and holy families!

by Fr. Ed Broom, catholicexchange.com August 29, 2017





 It’s not worth the risk

22 08 2017

condoms

I had a chance encounter with someone at the swimming pool recently that got me thinking. He works for a foreign NGO that deals with HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment in Africa.

“We go around educating people with the illness about the importance of taking their drugs,” he said.

“Why is that necessary?” I asked, wondering why someone living with AIDS would need an agency to remind him to take his drugs.

“They are ashamed,” he replied, “there is a strong stigma attached to AIDS in this country and people simply do not want to be identified or known as having AIDS.”

“I can understand that,” I said.

“Yes.  So, even though we are offering the drugs free, yet people don’t want to come forward to collect them. Many people are living in suicidal denial

“Human beings are very complex,” I said.

“But do you have preventive program as well?” I asked.

“Yes, we promote the use of condoms.”

“Are you aware of the claims that condoms are not foolproof, some even have holes big enough for Aids viruses to easily pass through?

“That has not been scientifically verified,” he countered.

I smiled.

“But I am sure you aware from experience perhaps, that fingernails can scratch holes through latex condoms?” I continued.

He smiled and began speaking truthfully.

“Yeah, you are right,” he said, “many of the condoms are even expired without the user’s knowledge. And many people don’t check expiry dates before putting them on if at all they do.”

“Sex is a passionate affair,” I said, “and in the heat of passion, people get carried away and become careless.”

He smiled. Looking cornered, he said, “In the absence of better solution, what else can we do?”

“But there is a better solution,” I said with another smile.

“Abstinence?” he asked.

I nodded.

 

“I know, but how many people can control themselves?” he scoffed.

”It is not easy I agree, but when you challenge people, they can do a lot. At least warn them of the dangers and educate them about the abstinence alternative.”

He nodded. There was a thoughtful look in his eyes.

I continued, “Consider for a moment how doctors and nurses wear gloves, and surgical masks and gowns when going in for a surgery. Compare that to the level of protection offered by a single condom. Besides, we are not talking about just HIV/AIDS; there is a host of other sexual and nonsexual transmitted diseases which can be transmitted during sexual acts.

He was silent.

“Plenty of different body fluids are exchanged during intercourse” I added.

“You are right,” he admitted again, “abstinence and mutual fidelity is the only prevention worth promoting. The stakes are two high, and it is not worth the risk of using a condom.”

We concluded and shook hands. He was an honest man and I left the pool feeling that I had made a friend.  I promised to send him an article I wrote many years ago on the “Bleak stories behind failed condom campaigns”

 

From the Editor

Chinwuba Iyizoba





The Story of Pure Love: Armando and Martha 

17 08 2017

22yrs Armando Valladares, a young journalist was working at his desk at a newspaper company when soldiers came to ask him to publish a communist propaganda supporting the new government of Fidel Castro.

He refused knowing full well that there would be consequences. He didnt have to wait long. Armed soldier stormed his residence at night and arrested him.

For refusing to support communism, Armando was sentenced to 30 years in prison. He was arrested in the middle of the night and transferred to a notorious prison where hundreds of enemies of communism were beaten on a regular basis.

But it was in this prison that Armando received a miracle in the form of a woman he met. She was one of the daughters of fellow prisoner and her name was Martha.

They fell in love when they met, and began to write each other in secret.

Years of communicating together deepened their love for one another.

When the communist tried to force Armando to enroll in a compulsory reeducation program, Armando and his companions again refused.

As a punishment, he spent 8 years in a special solitary confinement, with no windows, and no light coming in, only a small hole for his wastes.

After 10years, the communist tried another technique, promising him freedom if only he could sign a document praising communism.

But instead of signing his name, Armando, took the document and started writing poetry at the back. The guards tried to stop him but he changed tactics, writing with his blood instead on the back of onion skins which he smuggled out to Martha.

As the holocaust survivor, Victor Frank once said, “A man can endure any how a long as he has a why” From then on, nothing the soldiers did could hurt him anymore.

His love for Martha broke down the prisons walls as he wrote poem to her using his own blood, and fresh breeze of love lifted him high, carrying him towards the sun.

Martha fled to the United State, and published the peoms which became a bestseller raising a campaign against what Castro’s government was doing to her beloved.
Amnesty international and other human rights group caught on and pressed the Cuban government for his release.

Terrified of his growling fame the communist tried an old police trick to shatter his unshakable love for Martha.

They told him that Amnesty groups had dropped name from their list of prisoners of war, and that Martha had abandoned him.

He responded in a serene and cheerful way saying, Now I know for certain that my Martha is succeeding in getting me out.”

He was right; a short time later, he was released from the prison where he had spent 22 years, unbroken, defending his own conscience, and the dignity of every man to live in the freedom of theirs.

His 22 years of unbroken resistance to tyranny demonstrated that man is capable of withstanding great evils when he loves and he is loved by another.

On his release from prison, he was finally united with his sweetheart Martha and he was caught on camera showering her with kisses right front and center before the flashing lights and world media. They got married soon after, a crowning perseverance of love.


Article by Chinwuba Iyizoba

The Editor





 A True love Story: Clare and Francis 

15 08 2017

I was reading the story of Dolores Hart, a very successful actress who left

Hollywood to become a nun. Wondering what could make someone do such a thing, I breezed through the pages until I came to the part that best explained her eventual decision to become a nun. According to her, the highlight of her career was her part as Clare, in the movie Francis of Assisi, directed by Michael Curtiz.

[This movie is about 1 hour long, but worth everything minute of your time]


Set in the 13th Century, the movie revolved around the life of two young people, Francis and Clare who loved each other. But Francis, the son of rich cloth trader, felt a voice calling him for something higher beckoning him to leave Clare the pretty daughter and all the worldly luxury of his fathers house. He followed the voice, stripping himself of everything to become a beggar friar. Clare rather than flaring up and throwing a tantrum, sought to understand him. She not only let him go, but joined him on his way to God. Thus was born St Francis and St Clare of Assisi. Two people who change the world.

Another character in the movie, a friend of Francis and a knight, lusted after Clare. But rather than keep his love for her sacred, when he realized she was giving her life to God, he took to drinking and having sex with other girls.

Clares steadfast love for Francis, and his undying love for her, even when they knew that they could no longer belong to each other, is a good example for many young people today who are often lost, swept away by the putrid tide of impure lust lashing against them. Many think it is impossible to remain a virgin and keep a boyfriend. This film offers us a clear vision of what true and perfect love looks like. The pure love of youthful Francis and for his pretty girlfriend, Clare opened his eyes to an even greater love, the love of God.

Guys and girls should understand that true love, rather than being an occasion for premarital sex and all sorts of immorality, frees the heart to see the other as a gift and above all to see through the other to gaze on God, the creator, whose love surpasses all.

Girls in romantic relationships, if they can, should go and visit Santa Chiara, the Gothic church that contains the tomb of Saint Clare. Her 708-year-old body was laid out in a glass coffin. It was a wonder to see, uncorrupted and amazingly beautiful. There they will see what pure love has preserved and that the gift of physical beauty is only enhanced when it is used in service of God

As for Dolores, her part in that movie brought her in close contact with Clare. The life of the saint she was about to play could not but make her feel like a false image of the real thing.

“I caught my reflection in a mirror, she said, and I thought, Im the caricature, a dressed-up form of this lady who existed.

Soon after the movie ended, Dolores opted for the real thing and left all that success to enter the convent as a nun and she has now lived there for more than 50 years.


Thanks to 20th century Fox who took great pains to ensure the film was historically and geographically accurate.

By Chinwuba Iyizoba

The Editor





 About to End  My Marriage,  I discovered How to Make my Husband Love me by  Kathy Murray 

6 07 2017


Californian Kathy Murray says she saved her marriage by giving up trying to control her husband. Despite considering herself a feminist, she follows – and now teaches others – the approach of a controversial book called The Surrendered Wife, which tells women to stop nagging their partners and start treating them with more respect.

The first time I married I was divorced by 26. I married for the second time at 32 but soon found myself sleeping in the guest room. My husband and I fought all the time.

Much of our fighting stemmed from the fact I thought my husband was clueless when it came to raising the children (we had four children between us aged from four to nine years old). We also quarrelled about how to manage our finances, and how often we made love.

I was working full-time as chief finance officer for a private school and also volunteered at my kids’ school and in my community. My husband was a sales rep for a construction company but I was the breadwinner and acted like I was in charge.

I didn’t tell anyone I was in constant conflict with my husband. I was embarrassed, angry and resentful.

The six principles of being a ‘Surrendered Wife’

Relinquishes inappropriate control of her husband. Respects her husband’s thinking. Receives his gifts graciously and expresses gratitude for him. Expresses what she wants without trying to control him. Relies on him to handle household finances. Focuses on her own self-care and fulfilment

My husband often resorted to watching TV and snuggling with our pets as I’d rage at him over ignoring my needs. I mean all men want sex right? Not my husband. He wanted nothing to do with me. It was awful.

The more I told my husband how he should be, the less he’d try. I couldn’t figure it out so I dragged him to marriage counselling. But that only made things worse, so we sent our children to counselling since they too bore the brunt of so much of our conflict. That didn’t work either.

So I went to counselling by myself and complained about my husband for more than a year. Spending thousands of dollars, only to find myself nearer divorce than when I started.

I’d cry, fight, yell and pout, thinking he would eventually come around, but he didn’t. I lost weight, went to the gym and started getting attention from men which was tempting to act on, but I knew I couldn’t do that, so I’d play the victim card and sulk. That didn’t work either.

I was about to end my marriage when I picked up a book called The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I mean, they don’t teach us how to be successful in marriage in school and the women in my life didn’t share the secrets either.

It was incredibly humbling to recognise that I had something to do with why my marriage was failing and perhaps even why my first marriage failed. But it was also empowering.

I didn’t know I’d been disrespectful to my husband or even that I’d been controlling and critical.

I thought I was being helpful and logical. I just didn’t know that respect for men is like oxygen, so no wonder my husband was no longer interested in me sexually.

I’ll never forget the day I first apologised to my husband for being rude for correcting him in front of the children, or the day I said “whatever you think” when I’d previously been extremely opinionated about what he should do.

I had trained my husband to ask my permission for everything. And then complained about it for a year in counselling that he couldn’t make simple decisions!

I relinquished control of my husband’s life, choices and decisions and instead I focused on my own happiness. I was no longer acting like his mother and started acting like his lover.

We were fighting less and less and my husband started reaching out to hold my hand or pull me in for a kiss.

I had no idea that I was responsible for my own happiness. I thought my husband should make me happy.

I’ve now found subtle ways of getting my husband in the mood for sex, which is far more effective than the days of begging, crying or yelling about wanting it. Even if I’m not in the mood and he is, I often find myself getting in the mood just by being open to receiving pleasure.

My kids began to notice the change in our relationship too, and as a result, their behaviour improved and our home became peaceful and fun again.

Women often ask me if my approach is about dumbing myself down or becoming a submissive wife. I tell them I am a feminist. Surrendering is acknowledging you can’t change or control anyone but yourself. That’s empowering!

​http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-37861459





For Husbands:20 Lessons from Bible on how to Love your Wife 

23 06 2017

​╔════  🚨   💎   🚨 ════╗

            *Love  Your* 

   *”Own Beautiful Wife”*
  🔹Don’t shout at your

       wife when you are

       talking. It really 

       hurts her. 

       *Proverbs 15:1*
  🔹Do not speak evil 

       of her to anyone. 

       Your wife will become

       who you call her. 

      *Gen. 2:19*
  🔹Do not share her love

      or affection with another

      woman.

      It is called Adultery.

      *Matt. 5:28*
  🔹Never compare your

       wife to another woman.

       If the other woman was

       good for you, God would

       have given her to you.

      *2 Cor. 10:12*
  🔹Be gentle and 

       accommodating. She

       has sacrificed so much

       to be with you. 

       It hurts her deeply

       when you are hash

       and irritating. 

       Be tender.

       *Eph. 4:2*
  🔹Hide nothing from her.

       You are now one and

       she’s your helpmate.

       Let there be no secret

       you are keeping 

       from her.

       *Gen. 2:25*
  🔹Do not make negative

       comment about her

       body. She risked her

       life and beauty to carry

       your babies. She is a

       living soul not just

       flesh and blood. 

       *Proverbs 18:22*
  🔹Do not let her body

       determine her worth.

       Cherish and appreciate

       her even till old age.

       *Eph. 5:29*
  🔹Never shout at her

       in the public and in

       private. If you have

       an issue to sort with

       her, do it in the privacy

       of your room.

       *Matt. 1:19*
  🔹Thank and appreciate

       her for taking good

       care of you, the kids

       and the house. It is

       a great sacrifice she

       is making.

       *1 Thesso. 5:18*
  🔹All women cannot

       cook the same way;

       appreciate your 

       wife’s food.

       It is not easy to cook

       three meals a day,

       365 days a year 

       for several years.

       *Pro. 31:14*
  🔹Never place your 

       siblings before her.

       She is your wife. 

       She is one with you.

       She must come 

       before your family.

       *Gen. 2:24*
  🔹Invest seriously in

       her spiritual growth. 

       Buy books, tapes and

       any material that will

       edify her *&* strengthen

       her walk with God. 

       That’s the best thing

       you can do for her.

       *Eph. 5:26*
  🔹Spend time with her

       to do Bible study 

       and pray.

       *James 5:16*
  🔹Make time to play

       with her and enjoy

       her company.

       Remember when you

       are dead, she’s gonna

       be by your grave but

       your friends may be

       too busy to attend

       your funeral. 

       *Ecc. 9:9*
  🔹Never use money

       to manipulate or 

       control her. All your

       money belongs to

       her. She is a joint heir

       with you of the 

       grace of God.

       *1 Pet. 3:7*
  🔹Do not expose her

       weakness. You will be

       exposing yourself too.

       Be a shield around her.

       *Eph. 5:30*
  🔹Honour her parents

       and be kind to her

       siblings.

       *SOS. 8:2*
  🔹Never cease to tell

       her how much you

       love her all the days

       of her life. Women

       are never tired of

       hearing that.

       *Eph. 5:25*
  🔹Grow to be like Jesus.

       That’s the only way

       you can be a good

       and godly husband.

      *Rom. 8:29*

     *SAVE A HOME TODAY,* 

              *PASS IT ON* 

TO ALL MEN PLEASE
LIKEWISE TO ALL WOMEN.








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