Boys behaving badly.. By Pius Adesanmi (Professor)

18 03 2019

Today, I decide on a capitalist lunch alone. My assigned driver takes me to a capitalist restaurant – one of the elitist watering holes of anybody who is anybody in Nigeria’s centre of power.

I invite the driver to come in with me. He is shocked. He is used to waiting in the car. Or being given some change to go and find an appropriate Mama Put for his own lunch while the Ogas eat in the capitalist location.

I have no idea why I asked him to come with me. Inside, we strike a picture of contrasts. All eyes raised. All eyes looking at the odd pair.

We are taken to a table for one because the waitress naturally assumes that my driver is just carrying my phone and will find his way out to wait in the car as soon as I am seated.

I ask her for a table for two. She looks at me, looks at the driver, mouth agape. Something ain’t adding up. She takes us to a table for two. The driver is in a strange universe. Fish out of water.

I help him with the complications of the life of the rich: how to order swallow and “protein” from a menu in the ways of the rich instead of barking at Sikira to add more ponmo and shaki at Iya Basira’s buka. I order the same swallow and protein for both of us.

Inquisitive looks. Hostile looks. Querying looks. You’d think we were a black and white interracial couple that had just entered a public space holding hands in America or Canada. It is the same looks of disapproval. But this time, it is not from folks frowning on interracial border crossing. It is from rich Nigerians, big Nigerians, Ogas at the top and their accent-forming sophisticated mistresses, feeling that their space has been violated by the presence of my driver.

Much to my disappointment, nobody says anything to us and I miss the opportunity of a fight. However, I’m extremely pleased with what is going on – this sense that I am violating that space gives me immense satisfaction. I am also pleased that once he attacks his food, the driver no send anybody again. He eats with the natural noises of his normal buka environment – sneezing, belching, guffawing, etc.

There are moments when one has to be a strategic agbaya if it serves the purpose of getting on the nerves of a certain class of people so I join in the bad behaviour, also belching loudly and drawing satisfaction from the disapproving looks on the faces of some of the accent-faking sophisticated ladies and their male company at other tables.

We walk out royally after our meal. I can sense the happiness which engulfs my driver. We strike a conversation about it all on the way to the airport. He tells me that the most painful part of it for him is that all those madams and ogas spending about N10,000 for a meal for two are often people who owe their drivers, cooks, houseboys, house girls, gardeners, maiguards and nannies salary arrears and refuse to pay.

That is when it occurs to me that he probably would have appreciated the cash equivalent of what I just spent on a single lunch for him.

Our bill was N8000.

At the airport, I give him N4000.

His profuse prayers are the last words I hear as the airport terminal swallows me on my way to Lagos………
~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pius Adesanmi is a Nigerian Professor with Carlton University in Canada that is among those that died on the ill fated Ethiopia airline

Rest in Peace Professor Pius Adesanmi…..🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾





 Sabaste and the Jew :Short story 

11 03 2017

St Sabasta was very distressed when a Jewish business man he had brought to the verge of converting to Christianity wanted to go to Rome, to the Vatican to do business. This was the time of the Borgia Pope”

” You should get baptized first before going,” Sabasta pleaded 

“Why” 

“Because once you see the Pope and cardinals and how corrupt they are you will never join the Catholic Church ”

” I am good businessman “,  said the Jew” and I believe in business before pleasure” ”  I must conclude my business in the Vatican first ” 

A few months later the Jew returned and came straight to Sabasta 

“I am ready to be baptized now  and enter the Church ”

” What!   you didn’t go after all? ”

” No,  I just came back, ” the Jew replied. 

” And you want to become a Catholic,  after seeing the corrupt cardinals and Pope ”

” Yes,  I told you I am a good business man. ” 

“In my experience,  any institution as corrupt as the Catholic Church will collapse in 14 months. The Church has lasted 14 centuries.  It has to be miraculously preserved by God.  So I want to join”





We can’t communicate,  Woman tells Divorce Judge :Short story 

10 03 2017


You may have heard the story of the frustrated judge preparing to hear a divorce case:

Liking people is 

the beginning of 

the ability to 

communicate.

“Why do you want a divorce?” the judge asked. “On what grounds?”

“All over. We have an acre and a half,” responded the woman.

“No, no,” said the judge. “Do you have a grudge?”

“Yes, sir. Fits two cars.”

“I need a reason for the divorce,” said the judge impatiently.

“Does he beat you up?”

“Oh, no. I’m up at six every day to do my exercises. He gets up later.”

“Please,” said the exasperated judge. “What is the reason you want a divorce?”

“Oh,” she replied. “We can’t seem to communicate with each other.”

*****Good communication skills requires the following:.

A genuine concern for the person he’s talking to. When people sense that you have a concern for them, they are willing to listen to what you have to say. Liking people is the beginning of the ability to communicate.

The ability to focus on the responder. Poor communicators are focused on themselves and their own opinions. Good communicators focus on the response of the person they’re talking to. Good communicators also read body language. When I interview a potential employee, and he can’t read in my body language that I’m ready to move on to another subject, it sends up a red flag.

The ability to communicate with all kinds of people. A good communicator has the ability to set a person at ease. He can find a way to relate to nearly anyone of any background.

Eye contact with the person he’s speaking to. Most people who are being straight with you are willing to look you in the eye. Personal integrity and conviction make communication credible.

A warm smile. The fastest way to open the lines of communication is to smile. A smile overcomes innumerable communication barriers, crossing the boundaries of culture, race, age, class, gender, education, and economic status.

A leader must be a communication expert 





Woman and the Parrot that wouldn’t eat: Short story 

5 03 2017


A woman went to a pet store and purchased a parrot to keep her company. She took her new pet home but returned the next day to report, “That parrot hasn’t said a word yet!”

“Does it have a mirror?” asked the storekeeper. “Parrots like to be able to look at themselves in the mirror.” So she bought the mirror and returned home.

The next day she was back, announcing that the bird still wasn’t speaking.

“What about a ladder?” the storekeeper said. “Parrots enjoy walking up and down a ladder.” So she bought a ladder and returned home.

Sure enough, the next day she was back with the same story—still no talk.

“Does the parrot have a swing? Birds enjoy relaxing on a swing.” She bought the swing and went home.

The next day she returned to the store to announce the bird had died.

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that,” said the storekeeper. “Did the bird ever say anything before it died?”

“Yes,” the lady replied. “It said, ‘Don’t they sell any food down there”   Don’t rely on hearsay, when the welfare of your neighbor is at stake, ask them. 





Laughter Is The Best Medicine Ever😂😂

29 09 2016

​_1. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing;_

*Either the car is new or the wife.*
_2. What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?_

*Stress is when wife is pregnant;*

*Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;*

_*Panic is when both are pregnant!*_
_3. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?_

*Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!*
_4.  A young boy asks his Dad: “What is the difference between confident and confidential?_

*Dad says: “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!*
_5. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman ;_

*“Which book has helped you most in your life?”*

*The woman replied , “My husband’s cheque book!”*
_6. A prospective husband in a book store, Do you have a book called,_ *Husband  the Master of the House?* *Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”*
_7. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love.” What’s the secret?”_

*Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!*
_8. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day._

*Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!*
*Laughter Is The Best Medicine Ever…* 😂😂





Cathy Freeman Won Olympic Gold in Full bodysuit

23 08 2016


Cathy Freeman, the Australian 400 metre gold medalist in the 2000 Olympics wore a full head and body suit.





100 Advice That Could Make You Successful

14 07 2016

Wise man
1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use “we” when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. DON’T underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE.

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Don’t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first girl/boyfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

21. Take a vacation from your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good it is.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your haircut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. It’s never too late for an apology.
34. Don’t pose with booze.

35. If you have right of way, TAKE IT.

36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.

40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.

41. Don’t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in great luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday, It’s her special day too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take Blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don’t stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.
66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

72. Know the size of your boyfriend/girlfriend’s clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don’t just take your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. Come grade time it might come in handy.

77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for 9 months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They are just doing their job.

79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do. Not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don’t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won’t always be the strongest of fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before or after 9 AM and 9PM.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date commit to keeping them on and toning down how much your feet kill.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make Goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and punch hard.








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