Kanye West(45) recently married his girlfriend, Bianca Censori(27), in a private ceremony away from prying eyes, according to rumors. This comes just two years after his high-profile divorce from flamboyant Kim Kardashian in 2020, which ended a seven-year marriage that began in 2014. The speed with which Kanye remarried, while Kim remains in limbo with no relationship that appears to be stable enough to lead to marriage, demonstrates that women frequently get the short end of the stick in divorce because men can marry at any time and even to younger women no matter how old they are, whereas divorced women have difficulty finding men who will marry them.
Bianca Censori
“It’s really f**king hard,” Kim admitted in an interview. ” I don’t know if I’ll get married again, but I’ll have my forever partner. That I am aware of. He’s definitely coming. I’m at peace, and I’m going to have a good time until that happens.”
She should be reminded, however, that the essence of marriage, at least the Christian marriage, is forever, but this takes effort and determination to stick it out “for better or for worse till death do part,” even when things are not going well. Unfortunately, this is not Kim’s view of marriage. Kim, 40, revealed that she filed for divorce because total happiness seemed to elude her; after 7 years of marriage, she realized she was unhappy.
“I just want total happiness,” she said. “Obviously, I understand that complete bliss is not a complete reality, but all I want is to have it more of the time.”
Critics would argue that this is childish because no one can be completely happy in this world and that it is simply a sign of immaturity and being a spoilt brat. She claims she can’t believe she’s worked her whole life and made so much money to be unhappy. Forbes recently named her a billionaire with a net worth of $1.8 billion.
“I’m numb like, tired of that, but I know I’ll be happy,” she said, almost in tears. “I didn’t come this far just to be unhappy,” she explained in a recent interview.
They say that money can’t buy happiness and this is proving true in her case. Additionally, studies show that happiness comes indirectly and as a result of self-sacrificing love for others. For instance, a mother is happy indirectly by making sacrifices for her children so that they grow up happy and strong, and hence a mother’s true happiness is to see her children happy. Kim and Kanye had four children as a result of their 2014 marriage, and it’s heartbreaking to imagine what those children must be going through seeing their parents shunning each other and reuniting with total strangers.
What can Kim and Kanye’s children learn from them about fidelity, love, and keeping a promise? I doubt they would be able to learn anything good from two fickle, arrogant, thick-headed parents. Indeed, the availability of no-fault divorce makes it more difficult for parents to seek honest solutions to their problems, with many opting for the easy way out that divorce offers at a significant cost to their children. Indeed, every child has the right to a stable home and relies on their parents’ love and bond as irrefutable proof of their enduring love.
Kanye and his daughter, North
Her eldest daughter was recently shown in the paper meeting her new stepmother, which is sad and must be very upsetting for children, and until adults understand that marriage is not just about them, and that their children’s happiness also matters, this type of thing will never end. In any case, Kim will not find happiness and her forever love by hopping from one husband to the next, and unlike her ex-husband, Kanye, who can have any woman regardless of age, she does not have that option because her clock is ticking.
McKenzie and Jeff when they were young and going was good
The recent news that McKenzie Scott, the ex-wife of Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos, is divorcing her second husband in two years should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with previous research on divorce, which confirms the disruptive effects it has on victims, particularly women and children. McKenzie appears to be the innocent party in her 25-year marriage to Jeff Bezos, the father of her four children when Jeff’s obsession with another woman became public. Indeed, Jeff Bezos announced the divorce in a tweet in January 2019, following the public revelation of his adulterous relationship with a married woman, Lauran Sanchez.
Though McKenzie received a large portion of Bezos’ billion (approximately USD37 billion) in divorce settlements, it pales in comparison to what she lost: a family trust built over 25 years, shattered; betrayal by the father of her four children; the security of a familiar life all gone up in smoke, and the feeling of having to start life almost all over again, and launch out in search of love when her beauty and youth have already been spent. Some may argue that having the option of dating other men is part of the excitement of being single again, but that is not the case. Those who claim this are incorrect. There is a special joy in having a trusted confidant who has accompanied you on your journey. McKenzie and Jeff built Amazon from the ground up, and what a journey it must have been, with so many shared memories spanning decades, so many shared adventures, so many dangers overcome together, and so many bullets dodged. All of this is gone.
Hence, divorce hurts women more than men because they age faster, are more vulnerable, and lose their fertility at a younger age. Despite variations, research confirms that a significant number of women lose their ability to bear children (menopause) between the ages of 47 and 54. A man, on the other hand, is very capable of bearing children even at the age of 70 and above; in fact, the world’s oldest new dad, who is from India, fathered a child at the age of 96, according to Livescience.com (https://www.livescience.com/24196-male-fertility-limit.html). Furthermore, divorce, according to Reynolds (2017), is harmful to children’s well-being; it is unjust to wives, who need their husbands’ protection rather than being dismissed when their good looks begin to deteriorate (Reynolds 2017). That is why, according to St. Thomas, divorce is unnatural because it places the woman on an unequal footing with the man who, after having enjoyed her youth, is able to cast her out when her youth is failing.
Furthermore, divorce is also wrong because it puts both couples on guard as every temporary union does and hence, both couples may not be able to give themselves completely to each other without reserves, but rather deliberately hold back, keeping something back in case the marriage fails. Hence, the Catholic Church insists that marriage is for life and that the bonds are irrevocable, and that it is not a union based on the satisfaction of the two adults’ passions, but rather, based on justice, which includes keeping promises made for better or for worse. “The promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits one to be true even if I cease to be in love,” wrote C.S. Lewis.
Hence, if this is understood, there would be less emphasis on being in love, which has resulted in so much divorce and broken marriages, and when people realize that they are no longer in love. Jeff Bezos abandoned his wife of 25 years because he was no longer in love with her but with another woman, it demonstrates that human passions are fickle and nothing lasting can be built on them. “The Christian idea of marriage is based on Christ’s words that a man and wife are to be regarded as a single organism—for that is what the words “one flesh” mean,” writes C.S Lewis. Marriage is not for personal fulfillment, writes Seth Smith in his article “Marriage isn’t for you,: You marry to make someone else happy, not to make yourself happy. More importantly, you’re marrying for a family, not for yourself. Not just for the sake of the in-laws and all that nonsense, but also for the sake of your future children. in addition, C.S Lewis argues that there are several sound reasons to remain married even if love is gone: to provide a home for their children, to protect the woman (who has probably sacrificed or damaged her beauty by bearing children from being dropped whenever the man is tired of her.
In conclusion, we could argue that McKenzie’s second divorce, which occurred less than a year after her first, proves that her separation from Jeff, her husband of 25 years, was detrimental to her, as studies show it is to women due to the greater sense of loss and insecurity women experience after a divorce due to the earlier aging and loss of fertility that affects them compared to men.
Reynolds, Philip L. “St. Thomas Aquinas.” Christianity and Family Law: An Introduction, edited by John Witte, Jr and Gary S. Hauk, Cambridge University Press, Cambridge, 2017, pp. 161–178. Law and Christianity.
According to an old Cherokee legend, a grandfather told his grandson, “My son, there are two wolves fighting inside us all. One is the devil. It is a combination of rage, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is good; it is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.” After some thought, the boy asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?” The old man replied quietly, “the one you feed.” The story shows that depending on which wolf you feed, you can go from being a good person to a bad person; thus, in order to do good and avoid evil, you must feed the right wolf.
This appears t to be the story of Afrocandy, a Nigerian-born porn actress, who recently revealed that she was once a good homely wife. She shared photos of herself from 2001, dressed in traditional Igbo Christian mother attire complete with scarf and wrapper, and revealed that she was a regular churchgoer and parishioner at St. Leos Catholic Church.
Judith Mazagwu 2001
Judith Mazagwu
So, what exactly happened? How did a Christian mother become a pornstar? How did a well-groomed Nigerian woman become a notorious Afrocandy seductress now poring over the internet in her underwear? Her real name is Judith Chichi Opara Mazagwu, she is an Imo state native, a wife, and a mother of two children, and she has a bachelor’s degree in public administration and a bachelor’s degree in business management.
In 2005, she traveled to the United States to meet her husband, with whom she had two children. Unfortunately, the marriage ended in an explosion of infidelity accusations, leaving her stranded in the United States with two children at the age of 36. Desperate Judith first tried acting and modeling, but lacking the skill or talent to make big money, she devolved into racy porn under the alias Afrocandy, something so out of character and shocking to ordinary Nigerians.
Judith aka Afrocandy pornstar (2012)
Today, her Afrocandy production company is the arrowhead pushing Nigerian pornography into mainstream Nollywood, and while she is currently meeting some resistance in the industry because most actors and actresses still have enough self-respect for themselves and their families to avoid crossing the thin red line between the innocuous nudity already present in Hollywood and outright pornography, she must sense that it is only a matter of time before they cave, and she is optimistic.
Hence, some argue that what caused the unassuming Judith to take such a drastic turn was the pain and betrayal of her broken marriage. According to an online magazine, in an interview with the Daily Sun published on September 3, 2010, she said she tried to save her marriage but he wouldn’t take her back:
“There have been a lot of rumors going around about my marriage and only a few people know the truth. The truth is that I did not leave my husband; rather, he left because of some gossip he heard about something that happened in Nigeria before I joined him in the US.
I begged him, and he returned. When he left the second time, I felt compelled to issue him with a restraining order. I really don’t want to go into details because I see that as the past, and I want the past to stay in the past because I’ve moved on; talking about it takes me backward.”
Furthermore, her rumored marriage to an Ibadan millionaire, Chief Kamoru Okiki, did not appear to have materialized in 2011, adding fuel to her downward spiral into the porn abyss. No doubt, all of her setbacks and doubles should be considered when judging this woman; however, with her level of education, she bears significant blame responsibility for allowing herself to be thus manipulated and induced by an excessive ambition and love for glamour. She appears to be someone who is willing to do anything for fame and fortune, including abandoning all decorum and modesty.
As previously stated, everyone has two wolves fighting within them: the wolf of wantonness that we all carry within us, which we must refuse to feed or it will lead us to dark places. Judith aka Afrocandy appears to have fed the wrong wolf her entire life, and it has grown into a werewolf devouring that part of her that was once a good homely Nigerian Christian woman full of decorum and good sense. Nonetheless, she should be aware that this wolf will devour her and everything associated with her. Furthermore, given that she was once a Christian and a Catholic, she should remember that pornography has been linked to harm to children and young people. The widespread availability of pornographic media has been linked to unwanted pregnancies in young people, as well as the spread of STDs such as HIV/AIDS among single adolescents (Ojo and Fasuuba, 2005). According to Nwankwo, about a third of adolescent pregnancies are terminated due to complications such as bleeding, anemia, and exhaustion (1983). And, as a mother, I am sure she understands the grave responsibility that those who create or market pornographic materials bear.
It is a pity that she has allowed herself to be used as an agent and purveyor of a foreign malicious culture alien to Nigerians in order to pollute and corrupt the minds of young people in a country already plagued by poverty, a lack of clean water, a hospital, and food scarcity. It’s a shame that all she has to offer our youth is a bad example. Longe et al. (2007) argue that. In a country where poverty is on the rise, children who sell their wares to help their families make ends meet are constantly exposed to situations that can jeopardize healthy sexual behaviors.
Unfortunately, the Internet, more than any other agent of social change, has contributed in no small measure to the removal of guilt, fear, and shame associated with unconventional sexual activities, and thus these poor Nigerian children have already been swamped and robbed of their peace of mind and African decency by the foreign crude bestial images emerging from dark taverns or Eastern Europe and sordid porn from America one click away on the internet, which they aspire to. Afrocandy has now deprived them of their last line of defense with her Nigerian porn. However, she should remember that those who throw stones should not live in a glass house. If she succeeds in corrupting our youths for profit, she may not like what she sees when the results come in, and the Holy Book says that it is better to tie a stone around their neck and throw them into the sea than to lead children to sin.
In conclusion, the breakdown of her marriage and being abandoned to fend for herself transformed a once homely Nigerian woman into a porn star, proving that everyone has both good and bad passions and must struggle despite the odds to feed the good side of ourselves. Nothing justifies turning to the dark path of pornography, so she must turn and feed the good things in her life, transforming herself into a force for good.
Nwankwo, J. Teenagers Need Protection from Unwanted Pregnancies. The Guardian, (1983, October 6), p.5
Ojo, O., & Fasubaa, O. . Adolescent Sexualityand Family Life Education in Southwestern Nigeria: Responses From Focus Group Discussion. Journal of Social Science,(2005) 10(2), 111-118.
Some
people explode with anger because they discover they can control others by
doing this. “If you don’t do what I want, I will make you very uncomfortable by
blowing up. You might control someone today with your anger, but tomorrow that
person might no longer put up with your behavior or might not even be around to
control. This is the behavior of a furious wife, 30, who smashed a laptop over
her husband’s head ‘because he looked at another woman on an American Airlines
flight’
According
to dailymail.uk, Tiffany
McLemore, 30, launched the merciless attack after accusing her husband of
‘looking at another woman’ on a plane preparing to depart from Miami to Los
Angeles on Sunday. Flight attendants asked the husband to move to another seat
away from her. As he walked down the aisle she chased him and slammed a laptop
over his head
The
crew threatened to have McLemore arrested so she stormed off the plane. Police
were unable to locate her in the airport and her whereabouts are unknown
The
husband said he did not want to press charges and took a later flight home. The
couple, who live in Los Angeles, appear to have two children together
In
footage filmed by fellow passengers that went viral on social media
Controlling anger issues
The
truth is that someone else may well have done something wrong, and our feeling
of anger may well be his fault. But our blowing our stack is not his fault.
It’s our own fault. We are not like animals, which, when provoked, have no
choice but to react violently. When we feel angry, we have a choice to act
either rationally or irrationally.
Forgiveness
expert Dr. Fred Luskin says that anger and unforgiveness quite often stem from
the breaking of our “unforceable rules” For example, my mother should have
loved me, or my husband must be faithful, or my friend should never lie to me.
If you make a rule like that and it is broken, you may go wild with anger. Now
all of these “rules” are good and desirable, but you cannot ensure that they
will play out in life. You may try to manipulate others into keeping these
rules, but ultimately, you are setting yourself up for failure. People are free
to choose their actions, and sometimes they choose wrongly. So, you need to
change your rules into desires. I hope my husband will be faithful and my
friend will not lie to me. It would have been nice if my mother had loved me,
but although she didn’t live up to my desires, I will survive. And I won’t ruin
my peace because she didn’t come through as I would have liked
Anger
(the sin) and unforgiveness are related to pride. In essence, it is saying,
“How dare you make me feel bad!” or “How dare life give me this trouble!” Pride
is considered the root or beginning of all sin. I often encourage people with
an anger problem to pray daily for humility.
One
of the Spiritual Works of Mercy: to endure injustices patiently. That is a key
element in living a spiritual life that many Christians forget. Sure, we try to
get justice, but anyone
Any
who has lived a while in this world knows that you can’t always get it.
Sometimes we just have to live with an injustice, and if we bear it patiently,
we gain a great deal of grace. A cousin of this spiritual work of mercy is to
forgive all injuries. If we can make habits of this and of bearing injustices
patiently, we will be well on our way to real holiness.
The
most basic way to know that we have forgiven others is to pray for them, for
their good and especially for their salvation. St. Elizabeth of Hungary once
prayed to God to give great graces to those who had injured her the most. After
this prayer Jesus said to her, “My dear daughter, never in your life did you
make a prayer more pleasing to me than the one you have just said for your
enemies; on account of this prayer I forgive not only all your sins but even
all temporal punishments due to them.”
Heal Painful Memories
Sometimes
people get stuck when they try to get over their anger or to forgive. They
can’t seem to erase the terrible memory. A key way to deal with this is called
healing of memories.
Dennis
and Matthew Linn have studied the whole process of healing memories, and they
suggest that there are five stages in healing a memory, similar to the five
stages of facing death outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross:
1.
Denial: The person refuses to admit he was hurt.
2.
Anger: The person blames others for hurting him.
3.
Bargaining: The person puts conditions on his willingness to forgive.
In
other words, he decides what it would take for him to forgive. Although these
conditions are usually unlikely to be met, the offended person at least allows
that forgiveness might be possible.
4. Depression: The person is down on himself
for allowing this hurt to paralyze him.
5.
Acceptance: The person seeks to grow from this hurt.
Calm Marital Anger
Having
worked with a good number of married couples, I have discovered that anger is a
strong force for dividing husband and wife. Each spouse needs to know how to
keep calm and to help the other keep calm as well.
A Wife’s Healthy Anger
Is there a way for a woman to get angry at her husband without harshness, without setting her heart against him? Is there a way of getting angry that will charm him and win him over rather than depress him? Absolutely. It’s called “childlike anger” in Helen Andelin’s best-seller, Fascinating Womanhood. I would call it playful anger.
Here’s
how it works: she gets “adorably angry,” as does a young child. She threatens
never to speak to him again, and as she walks away, she looks back to see if he
is taking her seriously. This childlike exaggeration makes the man want to
laugh. It makes him feel stronger, sensible, like a real man. This sauciness of
a child, says Andelin, is most attractive to a man and is far better than the
meanness of a bitter woman (or resentful silence).
Here
are some of the rules Andelin gives: Eliminate all bitterness, resentment,
sarcasm, hate, and ugliness. Use only
adjectives that will uphold his masculinity, such as big, tough, lug, brute,
hard-headed, stiff-necked, or hairy beast. Never use imp, nerd, wimp, little, creep,
or jerk. . Exaggerate. For example, “What’s a big brute like you doing picking
on a poor, defenseless woman like me?” Or make an exaggerated threat such as
“I’ll never speak to you again!”
One
woman Andelin describes had had a miserable marriage for eight years. She
started being more positive and loving as taught in Fascinating Womanhood, and
things improved.
One
day her husband was telling a young marriage-minded bachelor he should think
twice before marrying. “Look at all the headaches a wife can bring.”
He
kept going on and on, knowing that his wife was very much within earshot.
Finally
the wife had had enough. She decided to try playful anger.
She
turned to her husband, stomped her foot, and said, “You big hairy beast! I’m
never going to like you again, ever!”
As she left the room, she looked back with a
faint smile. Her husband was grinning from ear to ear as he said to the young
man, “Did you hear what she called me?” When she got to her bedroom, she
wondered, “Great, but what now?”
He
had never once apologized in eight years. But just minutes later he came in and
said, “I’m sorry, and I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Will you forgive
me?” She wrote “I’d have forgiven him anything at that moment.”
Two
months later he gave her a birthday card — his first ever. It had a cute little
hairy beast on the front, and on the inside he had written, “Happy Birthday!
Lovingly, Your Hairy Beast.”
Another woman read Adeline’s book and had been
planning to put this playful anger into effect. She would practice in front of
a mirror, trying to keep a straight face. Finally, the big moment arrived. Her
husband came down to breakfast one
He
began to smile and they both had a good laugh. They avoided a nasty day.
Calming an Angry Wife
Now, when a husband has an angry wife, whether
she expresses childlike anger or explosive anger, what can he do? One thing he
shouldn’t do is lose his own cool. If she expresses childlike anger, he can
smile back at her, but he should be sure to tell her, “I’m sorry I made you angry.
Will you forgive me?” as the man in the earlier example did. Simple enough.
If
she expresses explosive anger, he should listen carefully until she is
finished. Then, once he knows why she is angry, he can offer to discuss the
matter.
He could say, “Tell me what I did wrong, and I
will try to improve.”
That’s
often a winner. When a woman is upset, angry or not, she often wants to talk
about it. He needs to listen.
Calming an Angry Husband.
St. Monica had a husband with a wild temper.
When he got angry, she would say nothing. She would go about her business
saying very little and wait until he had calmed down to speak to him. She had
plenty to complain about too, since her husband was a womanizer, as were most
of the husbands in Tagaste (Northern Africa) at the time. Many of her friends
suffered bruises from their husbands, but Monica didn’t, because she knew when
to be quiet and when to speak. Best of all, she was able to facilitate the
conversion of her pagan husband and his difficult mother. Was she a doormat? No
way. She knew what was important to her — her relationship with God — and she
was not going to allow anything to interfere with that, even her exasperating
husband. It seems that silence or speaking very little — not defending oneself
and not losing one’s temper — is the best way to calm an angry husband. It is
hard to have a rational conversation with a man who is in a rage. “Let every
man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does
not work the righteousness of God” (James 1:19–20). This is not the silent
treatment. It is waiting out the storm, not punishing. Once a husband gets a
lot of his anger out, his wife might say, “As I read you, you’re upset because
of [whatever it is], right?”
And
then she can try to have a rational discussion. She can ask him if he would be
willing to tell her more and tell him that she really wants to understand. And,
if he tells her more, she can offer him some help in the matter. It’s all about
putting aside her anger at the way he’s behaving and getting to the sore point
and healing it. St. Paul of the Cross wrote, “When you feel the assaults of
passion and anger, then is the time to be silent, as Jesus was silent in the
midst of His ignominies and sufferings.” Maintaining silence when one is angry
is a good idea for both husbands and wives, but especially for wives.
There is a saying that the most beautiful woman has not yet been born. If a husband does not guard his eyes, he will ditch his wife. Basket ball superstar, Kobe Bryant (25) learnt this the hard way in 2003 when a 19 yro woman accused him of raping her in his hotel room.
Facing a 25 yrs to life jail sentence, he initially rebutted the allegation, but when police told him they had evidence, he firmly denied raping her but confessed to having sex with her which was adultery against his wife of two years and mother of his daughter. Further probe exposed strings of affairs with other women unknown to his wife.
Due to inconsistency in the woman’s testimonies and her refusal to testify in court, the case never went to trial and was settled out of court. Yet, much damage has been done to Bryant’s career but more important, to his marriage. His wife, Vanessa, felt deeply betrayed and humiliated but unlike other woman didn’t immediately file for divorce.
Perhaps, she understood what most people do not understand: adulterous men are often victims of their own weaknesses: a deep inclination to respond sexually to the sight of any beautiful woman.
In the video, “Sex and the power of visuals,” Dennis Prager argues that the mere sight of a beautiful woman alone is enough to sexual arouse an average normal man yet it takes far more to arouse a woman. That is why men spend millions annually to see women with little or no clothing on. Magazines market their products with pictures of women with little to no clothing on, or even parts of women, like legs and breasts. (See video below)
On the other hand, many women commit adultery not because of an overwhelming sex urge on sighting a handsome man, but because they are looking for something or are in one form of trouble or another. In many cases, financial difficulties push wives into adultery, especially when their husbands are struggling financially or when they are emotionally or sexually dissatisfied or desire children that their husbands can’t give; studies also show that women are more attracted to men who are successful–superstars, men with money.
At a net worth of millions of dollars, Kobe had lots of female fans who would literally do anything for him, no holds barred, even setting sexual traps. As the story went his rape accuser had offered to show him the tattoo on her back.
To be faithful, it therefore means that a man must guard his eyes and thus his heart. An involved effort not to “look” at a beautiful woman is hard swallow for many men, yet with little effort of self-mastery, it can be learnt. There is a subtle difference between “looking” and “seeing”. A man can “see” a woman without necessarily “looking” at her–which is taking in the details of her size, shape and figure. A husband who is looking at a woman who isn’t his wife is merely looking for trouble and is on a short route to infidelity. It goes without saying that husbands who watch internet pornography are willing dupes of Satan who has them bound in cast iron chains on the path to marital destruction.
Forgiveness and mercy
Many spouses wouldn’t be quick to run to divorce courts if they knew that in most cases, adultery stems from weakness on the part of the offending spouse rather than malice or an absence of love. Studies show that 56% of husbands who admitted to cheating said that they were happy with their marriages while 34% of adulterous wives rated their marriage as “happy”.When spouses better understand the factors enabling adultery, they can easily overcome angst and work towards helping their spouses overcome their weaknesses.
Vanessa Bryant overcame her angst and “manned” up to the task of helping her husband overcome his failings by talking with a priest.
“One thing that really helped me during that process was talking to a priest and that was the turning point,” Kobe told GQ Magazine.
“It was actually kind of funny: He looks at me and says, ‘Did you do it?’ And I say, ‘Of course not.’ Then he asks, ‘Do you have a good lawyer?’ And I’m like, ‘Uh, yeah, he’s phenomenal.’ So then he just said, ‘Let it go. Move on. God’s not going to give you anything you can’t handle, and it’s in his hands now. This is something you can’t control. So let it go.”
Talking with a priest or going for “spiritual direction” is not only popular among Catholics like Kobe and Venessa Bryant, but is often practiced by many people unawares. People seek the advice of a mechanic or a plumber because they know more about cars and plumbing. Likewise when sick, people go to speak to a doctor. Bryant was spiritually sick, he cheated on his wife and was facing jail term; he was in need of spiritually healing and needed talk with a good mender of bad souls.
Everyone who has read the bible is familiar with the story of King David who committed adultery with Uriah’s wife and to cover up his crimes had Uriah killed in a battle, but God sent the prophet Nathan to talk to him and acknowledged his sins and repented.
When people are ill, they go to a doctor, and not just any doctor but a good doctor. Accordingly, couples should do what in business is called “due diligence” to find the best spiritual consultant to solve their problems. Be he a priest, a relative or a friend, he should be a person who leads a worthy life, with a deep piety, wisdom, experience, maturity, zeal for souls and an unquestionable faithfulness to all the Church’s teaching. He need not have formal training in spiritual direction.
Couples should remember that it’s not just a one off talk; they should try to make it a regular visit because healing can take many years and the root cause of infidelity may lie in deep recesses difficult to reach. Thus regular spiritual direction will help couples talk over issues relating to their marriage and family, work, friendship, and social life and this can bring them closer together. There should be an effort to address a very particular area of their life which needs improvement, that defect or fault that keeps them from making more rapid progress. From time to time they may simply need to unburden themselves of unexpected joys and sorrows that come their way. If they are seeing a priest for direction, they may also want to avail themselves of the Sacrament of Penance, adding the sacramental grace to the actual graces received from being open and docile in spiritual direction.
Thus every spouse should know that adultery isn’t necessarily the end of marriage. If the offending spouse is served understanding, forgiveness and mercy rather than divorce papers, marital harmony may return even richer. This was how the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant saved their marriage and they have been married for 18 years now with 4 adorable children.
For years now, rumors have been growing that music idol, Adele’s marriage was failing, yet many of her fans were shocked when, last week, one of her spokesperson confirmed it. There is something about her that pulls the heart’s string making everyone root for her to succeed, even in marriage. Yet, any keen observer of trends already knew where the shadow of the growing tree would fall.
The 30 year old music diva had been living (cohabiting) with 45 year old Simon Konecki, a successful entrepreneur, for 6 years before they got married. They already had a son, Angelo, in 2012, before deciding to marry secretly in 2016. It is common that couples who cohabit before marriage often discover that their marriage is like watching a rerun soccer game, lacking content, expectancy and surprise. In a short time they could begin fidgeting with the TV remote, searching for something more exciting.
The news was shocking because the singer had recently spoken of her longing to expand her family.
‘My womb is starting to ache a little bit,’ she said. ‘It’s like, ‘Baby, baby, baby. Need a baby.’ I’m not pregnant. I won’t get pregnant until the end of the tour,’ she had said not too long ago on a TV interview.
This may suggest that perhaps Simon may be the one pushing it. Her gift to him of a 400,000 euro mansion shortly before the news broke did not seem to have placated him. Having been divorced previously, he has plenty of experience, and doesn’t seem to be affected by it all. He was seen at a party the night that the news broke, having such a good time according to witnesses.
Divorce rarely benefits anyone much less the woman. It far easier for a man to walk out of one marriage and walk right into another than it is for woman to do the same. A woman’s biological sand clock runs out quickly; her beauty and fertility, resources that help her attract men, last but little and every man knows that.
Adele herself was spotted in a gay bar getting drunk with friends even as her marriage is going up in smoke. Yet there is no doubt she loves her son and wants the best for him. Both she and her husband have said that though they are getting divorced, they are committed to best interest of their child even as they rip apart the very thing that is in the best interest of their child.
Mainstream media is still busy minting new phrases to describe the divorce: “They are breaking up as friends,” says one. “Happily divorcing,” says another.
Yet, breaking up isn’t what friends do and people break up because they aren’t happy. If marriage creates a single heart, divorce rips it to a million pieces, and when a heart is ripped it often dies.
So Why Marry?
Why do people who have lived almost the entire length a relationship cohabiting marry? What were they missing even when they seem to have it all?
Adele and Simon already had a child, and business was going so well, her three studio album “19’ (2008), “21” (2011), “25” (2015) were each a huge hit worldwide with sales topping over a 100 million records. So why did she get married, and secretly for that matter?
Marriage is the public pledge between a man and a woman to join their common destiny for life, and for the sake of children. Christian marriage is even more profound, the couple decides to give themselves wholly and entirely to each other in marital love for life and in openness to life, a decision that is attractive and noble and many unmarried people desire it.
But the modern creation of “no fault divorce” has radically altered the meaning of marriage, stripping it of all vestiges of permanence, honor and respect; it is now a naked business contract–with exit clauses.
It’s high time a name; a new name is found for this new creature which is startlingly different from the old; a name that reflects the new reality; like a larva is distinct from a butterfly and has a different name, even while sharing a common origin, this new modern business contract often referred to as marriage should be distinguished from true marriage by a new name.
The 55yrs old billionaire and owner of Amazon, Jeff Bezos, is divorcing his wife of 25yrs and mother of his 3 sons and an adopted daughter from China.
He is now in a relationship with a twice divorced woman and mother of 3, 49yrs old Lauren Sanchez, whom he met through her husband. Sanchez herself is ditching her husband of many years for Jeff and his billions.
Social media is abuzz and experts are speculating breathlessly about how the billions will be split (137billion), and who gets what. Tabloids are spewing steamy headlines to make the most from the sordid affair. Yet, they skip the hard questions: what about the children?
Studies show that children are significantly affected by the parents’ divorce. The upheaval in their lives a serious and demands they be protected by the state.
Adult children of divorce are more likely than children raised in intact families to be fearful of intimacy, according to Judith Wallerstein. They are especially fearful of commitment, often remaining on the brink of marriage in cohabitation arrangements. Their thinking: “I don’t want to happen to me what happened to my parents.” If they do marry, they tend to fear and avoid having children. Their thinking: “I wouldn’t want to inflict on my kids what my parents inflicted on me.”
Most of them never saw their parents’ divorce coming. They remember that, as children, when they were enjoying themselves, their parents one day called them together and said, “We have something to tell you…” Now, as adults, when they are supposed to be enjoying themselves, they are waiting anxiously for the other shoe to drop.
By every measure of flourishing known to social science, children of divorce do noticeably poorer than children raised in intact families: higher incidence of school drop-out, drug use, sexual acting out and teen pregnancy, need for the mental health profession and for anti-depressants.
In a better world, the outcry and condemnation of this brazen disregard for the children’s welfare would have carried across the globe. As always the Catholic Church remains the sole voice of sanity in a deranged world, proclaiming boldly that divorce is immoral…because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society (CCC 2385).
One you-tuber commented, “Marriage is for suckers cucks and simps” and another wrote, “I’m not getting married until this freakshow stops!” While many scoff at women, calling them names like, witch, suckers and the likes. It is clear confirmation of the damage divorce does to the fabric of society and the psych of the youths.
In a world gone insane walking the cliff edge, marital vows are not worth the paper they are written on; promises are no longer meant to be kept; dishonor is honorable; serial polygamy is fashion. Truly, the words from W.B Yeats’ poem, the ‘Second Coming’ are prophetic for our world today, ‘Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold’. A sad prophesy of the future of our world, cut adrift from sense and reason, drifting aimlessly in uncharted waters of moral and marital relativism. Yet many call it progress.
But as St Josemaria, the founder of Opus Dei said, “I want you to think about how evil has prospered. All over this field of God, which is the world – Christ’s inheritance – there are weeds. Not just a few weeds: vast quantities of them! I want you to be aware of this, so that you may never be deceived by the myth of constant, irreversible progress. Understand what I mean: progress, when it is properly directed, is good, and God wants it. However, there is a kind of progress that blinds all sorts of people, who fail to see that in some areas mankind sometimes goes backwards and loses ground previously gained
Those who don’t believe that money doesn’t make you happy often hiss, “Let me have it and find out for myself,” when told about it. Perhaps this story of a man who had millions but lost health and family will convince the most virulent skeptic that there are things much more important than money. According to the dailymail.co.uk, Richard Mason, a multimillionaire and the founder of money market, a multi-million dollar company went for a medical check to discover the cause of his recurring ill health. He didn’t bargain for what he got. The doctor told him he had cystic fibrosis, a disease inherited from birth, and incurable. But worse, he told him that people who suffer from this ailment do not have children.
The millionaire shot back: ‘You must have got the diagnosis wrong because I’ve got three sons.’
The doctor looked at the nurse, as if to say, “How do we deal with this?” and turning to him said, “In this hospital, we manage 2000 men with your condition and none has children -well except for one who later discovered that his wife cheated on him.”
The doctors then advised Richard to speak with his wife.
Anxious and heart thumping, Richard texted Kate, his ex-wife and mother of his 3 sons, aged 23, 19 and 18. They had divorced 10 yrs earlier and though he had remarried, at 54, he hadn’t bothered to have any more children.
“Hi Kate, I have just been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, and can you believe, the doctor says that I am infertile from birth, please put me out of my misery and tell me they are wrong and our boys are my children.”
The reply wasn’t long in coming
“Hi Richard, I’m deeply sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but no matter what they say, the boys are your children.”
Still, suspicious Richard confided in his first son who called his Mom and she confessed to having affairs throughout her marriage, in hotels whenever she was on overnight business trips for the bank where she worked. She however flat out refused to name the father of the child.
Kate, Richard’s ex-wife admitted to adulterous affairs thought out her marriage to Richard but refuses to name the man
Left with a tons of money in his bank, bereft of everything worthwhile in life, family, his children and worst, the knowledge of having lived 21 yrs in a marriage that was a fraud. Richard recently admitted he had frequent thoughts of suicide. Life had lost all meaning.
The adulterous wife must have been desperate for children and sensing her husband’s shortcomings decided to try elsewhere. Richard may have been a negligent husband, hard as flint, an old miser who loves money above all. Furthermore, Richard divorced his adulterous wife even before he knew her to be one, love for his children notwithstanding.
Whatever be the case, we may be sure that in all the articles written about this disappointing union, no one talked about the couple’s relationship with God. I strongly suspect that, like in most western marriages, God didn’t play a very big role in this family. And I believe that vertical relationships helps horizontal relationship as many spiritual writers often contend. Vertical relationship with God helps our horizontal relationship with one another. And without the fear of God, man becomes squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old savage, secret and self contained, incapable of giving himself to another in sacrificial love. Hence the appalling divorce statics of western marriages, (about 50% percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher, Luxembourg: 87%, Spain: 65%). I think this due to their hurling God out of their marriages, feet first.
The story is long, complicated, and heart breaking and gets quite out of breath by the time it gets to the murky fights over alimony and Richard’s desperate efforts to discover the identity of the man who slept with his wife for in this unfortunate marriage betrayal runs deep ( you can read the full article here). I will cut all that and by a short route bring us to my take: common necessaries and common comforts of life satisfied, money does not necessarily make us happier.
Authors-choice: Hope & Revival 