A Million Pains as Adele’s Marriage Shatters

23 04 2019

The 54th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Backstage And Audience

For years now, rumors have been growing that music idol, Adele’s marriage was failing, yet many of her fans were shocked when, last week, one of her spokesperson confirmed it. There is something about her that pulls the heart’s string making everyone root for her to succeed, even in marriage. Yet, any keen observer of trends already knew where the shadow of the growing tree would fall.

The 30 year old music diva had been living (cohabiting) with 45 year old Simon Konecki, a successful entrepreneur, for 6 years before they got married. They already had a son, Angelo, in 2012, before deciding to marry secretly in 2016.  It is common that couples who cohabit before marriage often discover that their marriage is like watching a rerun soccer game, lacking content, expectancy and surprise. In a short time they could begin fidgeting with the TV remote, searching for something more exciting.

adele marriage

The news was shocking because the singer had recently spoken of her longing to expand her family.

‘My womb is starting to ache a little bit,’ she said. ‘It’s like, ‘Baby, baby, baby. Need a baby.’ I’m not pregnant. I won’t get pregnant until the end of the tour,’ she had said not too long ago on a TV interview.

This may suggest that perhaps Simon may be the one pushing it. Her gift to him of a 400,000 euro mansion shortly before the news broke did not seem to have placated him. Having been divorced previously, he has plenty of experience, and doesn’t seem to be affected by it all. He was seen at a party the night that the news broke, having such a good time according to witnesses.

Adele-husband2

Divorce rarely benefits anyone much less the woman. It far easier for a man to walk out of one marriage and walk right into another than it is for woman to do the same. A woman’s biological sand clock runs out quickly; her beauty and fertility, resources that help her attract men, last but little and every man knows that.

Adele herself was spotted in a gay bar getting drunk with friends even as her marriage is going up in smoke. Yet there is no doubt she loves her son and wants the best for him. Both she and her husband have said that though they are getting divorced, they are committed to best interest of their child even as they rip apart the very thing that is in the best interest of their child.

Mainstream media is still busy minting new phrases to describe the divorce: “They are breaking up as friends,” says one. “Happily divorcing,” says another.

Yet, breaking up isn’t what friends do and people break up because they aren’t happy. If marriage  creates a single heart, divorce rips it to a million pieces, and when a heart is ripped it often dies.

So Why Marry?

Why do people who have lived almost the entire length a relationship cohabiting marry?  What were they missing even when they seem to have it all?

Adele and Simon already had a child, and business was going so well, her three studio album “19’ (2008), “21” (2011), “25” (2015) were each a huge hit worldwide with sales topping over a 100 million records. So why did she get married, and secretly for that matter?

baby

Marriage is the public pledge between a man and a woman to join their common destiny for life, and for the sake of children. Christian marriage is even more profound, the couple decides to give themselves wholly and entirely to each other in marital love for life and in openness to life, a decision that is attractive and noble and many unmarried people desire it.

But the modern creation of “no fault divorce” has radically altered the meaning of marriage, stripping it of all vestiges of permanence, honor and respect; it is now a naked business contract–with exit clauses.

 

It’s high time a name; a new name is found for this new creature which is startlingly different from the old; a name that reflects the new reality; like a larva is distinct from a butterfly and has a different name, even while sharing a common origin, this new modern business contract often referred to as marriage should be distinguished from true marriage by a new name.

By Chinwuba Iyizoba





Billion Dollar Couple Divorce: What about the Children?

16 01 2019

The 55yrs old billionaire and owner of Amazon, Jeff Bezos, is divorcing his wife of 25yrs and mother of his 3 sons and an adopted daughter from China.

He is now in a relationship with a twice divorced woman and mother of 3, 49yrs old Lauren Sanchez, whom he met through her husband. Sanchez herself is ditching her husband of many years for Jeff and his billions.

Social media is abuzz and experts are speculating breathlessly about how the billions will be split (137billion), and who gets what. Tabloids are spewing steamy headlines to make the most from the sordid affair. Yet, they skip the hard questions: what about the children?

Studies show that children are significantly affected by the parents’ divorce. The upheaval in their lives a serious and demands they be protected by the state.

Adult children of divorce are more likely than children raised in intact families to be fearful of intimacy, according to Judith Wallerstein. They are especially fearful of commitment, often remaining on the brink of marriage in cohabitation arrangements. Their thinking: “I don’t want to happen to me what happened to my parents.” If they do marry, they tend to fear and avoid having children. Their thinking: “I wouldn’t want to inflict on my kids what my parents inflicted on me.”

Most of them never saw their parents’ divorce coming. They remember that, as children, when they were enjoying themselves, their parents one day called them together and said, “We have something to tell you…” Now, as adults, when they are supposed to be enjoying themselves, they are waiting anxiously for the other shoe to drop.

By every measure of flourishing known to social science, children of divorce do noticeably poorer than children raised in intact families: higher incidence of school drop-out, drug use, sexual acting out and teen pregnancy, need for the mental health profession and for anti-depressants.

In a better world, the outcry and condemnation of this brazen disregard for the children’s welfare would have carried across the globe. As always the Catholic Church remains the sole voice of sanity in a deranged world, proclaiming boldly that divorce is immoral…because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society (CCC 2385).

One you-tuber commented, “Marriage is for suckers cucks and simps” and another wrote, “I’m not getting married until this freakshow stops!” While many scoff at women, calling them names like, witch, suckers and the likes. It is clear confirmation of the damage divorce does to the fabric of society and the psych of the youths.

In a world gone insane walking the cliff edge, marital vows are not worth the paper they are written on; promises are no longer meant to be kept; dishonor is honorable; serial polygamy is fashion. Truly, the words from W.B Yeats’ poem, the ‘Second Coming’ are prophetic for our world today, ‘Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold’. A sad prophesy of the future of our world, cut adrift from sense and reason, drifting aimlessly in uncharted waters of moral and marital relativism. Yet many call it progress.

But as St Josemaria, the founder of Opus Dei said, “I want you to think about how evil has prospered. All over this field of God, which is the world – Christ’s inheritance – there are weeds. Not just a few weeds: vast quantities of them! I want you to be aware of this, so that you may never be deceived by the myth of constant, irreversible progress. Understand what I mean: progress, when it is properly directed, is good, and God wants it. However, there is a kind of progress that blinds all sorts of people, who fail to see that in some areas mankind sometimes goes backwards and loses ground previously gained

Chinwuba Iyizoba





The Unhappy Millionaire

10 01 2019
Richard Mason the unhappy millionaire

Those who don’t believe that money doesn’t make you happy often hiss, “Let me have it and find out for myself,” when told about it. Perhaps this story of a man who had millions but lost health and family will convince the most virulent skeptic that there are things much more important than money. According to the dailymail.co.uk, Richard Mason, a multimillionaire and the founder of money market, a multi-million dollar company went for a medical check to discover the cause of his recurring ill health. He didn’t bargain for what he got. The doctor told him he had cystic fibrosis, a disease inherited from birth, and incurable. But worse, he told him that people who suffer from this ailment do not have children.

The millionaire shot back: ‘You must have got the diagnosis wrong because I’ve got three sons.’

The doctor looked at the nurse, as if to say, “How do we deal with this?” and turning to him said, “In this hospital, we manage 2000 men with your condition and none has children -well except for one who later discovered that his wife cheated on him.”

The doctors then advised Richard to speak with his wife.

Anxious and heart thumping, Richard texted Kate, his ex-wife and mother of his 3 sons, aged 23, 19 and 18. They had divorced 10 yrs earlier and though he had remarried, at 54, he hadn’t bothered to have any more children.

“Hi Kate, I have just  been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, and can you believe, the doctor says that I am infertile from birth, please put me out of my misery and tell me they are wrong and our boys are my children.”

The reply wasn’t long in coming

“Hi Richard, I’m deeply sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but no matter what they say, the boys are your children.”

Still, suspicious Richard confided in his first son who called his Mom and she confessed to having affairs throughout her marriage, in hotels whenever she was on overnight business trips for the bank where she worked. She however flat out refused to name the father of the child.

Kate, Richard’s ex-wife admitted to adulterous affairs thought out her marriage to Richard but refuses to name the man

Left with a tons of money in his bank, bereft of everything worthwhile in life, family, his children and worst, the knowledge of having lived 21 yrs in a marriage that was a fraud. Richard recently admitted he had frequent thoughts of suicide. Life had lost all meaning.

The adulterous wife must have been desperate for children and sensing her husband’s shortcomings decided to try elsewhere. Richard may have been a negligent husband, hard as flint, an old miser who loves money above all. Furthermore, Richard divorced his adulterous wife even before he knew her to be one, love for his children notwithstanding.

Whatever be the case, we may be sure that in all the articles written about this disappointing union, no one talked about the couple’s relationship with God. I strongly suspect that, like in most western marriages, God didn’t play a very big role in this family. And I believe that vertical relationships helps horizontal relationship as many spiritual writers often contend. Vertical relationship with God helps our horizontal relationship with one another. And without the fear of God, man becomes squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old savage, secret and self contained, incapable of giving himself to another in sacrificial love. Hence the appalling divorce statics of western marriages, (about 50% percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher, Luxembourg: 87%, Spain: 65%). I think this due to their hurling God out of their marriages, feet first.

The story is long, complicated, and heart breaking and gets quite out of breath by the time it gets to the murky fights over alimony and Richard’s desperate efforts to discover the identity of the man who slept with his wife for in this unfortunate marriage betrayal runs deep ( you can read the full article here). I will cut all that and by a short route bring us to my take: common necessaries and common comforts of life satisfied, money does not necessarily make us happier.

Chinwuba Iyizoba








%d bloggers like this: