How to Increase Love in Your Marriage by Javier Vidal-Quadras

19 09 2015

how to make love grow

a) “Affirmative affirmation”

The virtue of chastity (faithfulness) in married life leads us to use our initiative and to increase our love for our spouse in a positive way. Some possible expressions of this: spending a few minutes each day thinking of ways how to express our affection and consideration for our spouse; frequently expressing our love and thanking our spouse for doing the same; surprising our spouse in some little way which shows our interest; finding moments to be alone together, talking and relaxing in the best possible conditions and fostering mutual attraction.

b) “Negative affirmation”

This consists in avoiding anything that could cause our love to cool down. The meaning of this “negation” is eminently positive: it is all about making our married love grow. We need to know how to keep our distance with people of the opposite sex in the work or study environment, whilst on journeys, etc. The fact that we are married should not lead us to give less importance to over-familiarity. We must avoid showing to other people the closeness that we would share with our spouse. For example: do not remain alone with a person of the opposite sex in a room, in the car, or on a journey for work, etc. Do not speak of the personal problems we would talk about with our spouse. Do not let other people make those intimate confidences that might create bonds between us, or try to find in others the “understanding” that we do not find in our own spouse. It is easy to be naïve about these points, forgetting that at times any other woman or any other man is in a better position than our spouse to present “intermittently” his or her best side. It is a mistake to think that we can take fewer precautions with people of the opposite sex who are physically less attractive. Experience teaches that in these cases it is easier to make inappropriate confidences and to make room for a certain amount of intimacy that to begin with seems insignificant. (Problems with the children, an undertaking that the couple don’t agree on, advice as to a gift for one’s own spouse…). But this can start to weave a net of little threads that become difficult to cut, and that, sometimes, are scarcely seen as something negative, until one day, at a time of special sensitivity when our defences are down can lead us to fall into serious infidelity. The times we live in may make us have to be more aware of this negative side, because the environment can influence us in many ways. However, “affirmative affirmation” is the more important. We need to encourage married people to be determined to win over their husband or wife time and again, loving them as they want to be loved; knowing how to nourish a broader range of married intimacy, sharing their thoughts, communicating their state of mind at the right moment, and seeking to form a single heart.



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